My boyfriend is a very controling and perfectionist kind of person and something has been bothering me to the point that I can't sleep. We have 3 guinea pigs that I love so much, I clean them, take care of them etc, but my boyfriend forces me to keep them in the drafty hallway, on the floor in a makeshift cage. Which is unhealthy and dangerous for them. I really want to put them in the living room in a good cage but he refuses because he claims they smell (which is not true as I clean them daily, and clean their entire cage out every two days and even then their lives should go first) He just doesn't care if they get lethally sick, they already been sick once and then he complains about vetbills. I wanted to build a new cage and he immidiatly took over the cage design and he has to build it himselve since he thinks I'm not capable of doing so. But even then it's still going to take months before he even starts on the ineduquate cage of his. It really breaks my heart. What should I do?
2006-12-20 20:27:32 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pets ➔ Other - Pets
Guys that are controlling tend to be the kind that start hitting you down the line, even if it doesn't start until years in the relationship. If he doesn't care about your animals now, it's not going to get better as your relationship goes on. He doesn't sound too considerate, I would seriously get rid of him. Even if this wasn't a big deal, it's a symptom of a greater problem. Why deal with having to choose between your boyfriend's pettiness or your animals' health the rest of your life? You say he is "forcing" you to do things, which he doesn't have the right to do to begin with. Seriously. I wouldn't be surprised if he probably calls you names or maybe does small physical things...restrains you, tries to keep track of where you are, calls you all the time, asks you to stay in with him instead of going out with your friends or your family...if he doesn't now, just wait. It will happen. You don't have a ring on your finger; don't expect vows to make him change. They never do. Maybe if you light a fire under him and let him know that he either shapes up or you leave...but you have to make sure that he changes. If he starts to slack off and starts being a jerk again, then you have to point it out. Suggest counseling, though most of them aren't too interested. If he's complaining about vet bills that he is causing then I doubt he'll be up for counseling.
*EDIT* Someone above suggested that you might be afraid of him...which sounds like it is true, but WHY should you be afraid of him? You live with him so I assume that you love him and that he claims to love you. Why should you fear someone that you love? That's not a partnership, he is ruling over you. You need a partner, not a dictator.
Go here. This is the website for the place where I work. Click on some of the links on the left, and then in the middle click on "Healthy Relationships" and "Greek 101" (also has relationship stuff) and look at some of the things in there. Especially 'Dating Bill Of Rights,' 'Speaking Up In Relationships,' 'Warning signs of violence' (Healthy Relationships), 'Love is/Love Isn't' (Greek 101) and things like that. Seriously, you should look into this. If he's not letting you express yourself now, that is a huge warning sign.
http://www.k-state.edu/womenscenter/women_center_materials.htm
2006-12-21 16:20:35 · answer #1 · answered by Jezebel888 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a real tricky one, lots of people are telling you that your boyfriend is a jerk and I guess you agree with this to a point but I'm sure you love him and may be a little frightened of him which is why it's not too helpful to tell you to leave him.
I think what I would do is go ahead with your plans for a good cage and move them into your living room without waiting for his approval. Do this without making a big deal of it and make sure you continue to clean them and look after them as you are doing and he won't have anything to complain about.
I would try and put some money in a savings account without him knowing to cover the vets bills if they ever get sick.
If none of these suggestions are an option to you then perhaps you should think about rehousing them, I know this will sound impossible to you at the moment because you love them so much but in the long run it is better for them to be somewhere they will be loved and cared for as they should be.
When you have solved your little piggy problem you should seriously look at your own situation, you don't deserve to be with such an uncaring, controlling person such as your boyfriend, you sound like a lovely person.........be strong and think about your future. Good luck to you and your piggies and happy christmas xx
2006-12-21 00:58:21 · answer #2 · answered by manc red 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have a responsibility to your animals. When you got them you made the commitment to care for them their whole lives. You did not make a lifelong commitment to your boyfriend. Therefore the animals must come first.
Tell your boyfriend either he starts respecting animals properly or he's packing his bags. Explain to him that the animals are part of you and if he can't accept them, he can't accept you. If he doesn't shape up, he goes. Simple as that.
I have a number of animals and they will always come first. No person who behaves in such a foul manner will ever take priority over my beloved pets.
2006-12-20 20:50:21 · answer #3 · answered by Jason 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I'd ditch this cold-hearted control freak.
You sound like a lovely person with a big heart. And I' sure you're more than capable of building your own pet-cage and surviving without him. If he cant accept your pets then he has little regard for your feelings - or theirs.
2006-12-20 20:31:20 · answer #4 · answered by marykin 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dump the insensitive jerk.
If he is unwilling to lend a tiny hand to your fuzzy friends. what is he going to do if you get a cold or worse. Sounds like he would stick you in the hall with the gang. In addition to being cold blooded to small defenseless things, he obviously has no consideration for your feelings. As a boyfriend, he is in courtship mode. He is putting his best forward for you to see. If this is the best, just wit until he doesn't have to try anymore. Run away.
2006-12-20 20:45:15 · answer #5 · answered by vaughndhume 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Insist on a large cage, and have him make sure it is very sturdy. When it is completed, have him crawl inside to test its strength, and slap a padlock on it when he is inside. Drag it outside and post a "Free to abusive home" sign on it. Every morning until he is gone, clean the cage with your garden hose. Push a little dog food through the bars for him to eat, and don't forget to fill the water bottle.
2006-12-20 22:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by bumppo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, if he is being like that to an animal, there is something definitely wrong with him...be a responsible pet owner and give them to someone who can take good care of them and not let them stay in a drafty hallway OR you could just move them to a good spot and tell him that is where they are staying...
2006-12-21 02:27:44 · answer #7 · answered by CJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, dump the boyfriend. They say that you can tell how someone will be as a parent on the way they treat their animals. Do you want children with this person? I don't mean to sound mean but think about it.
2006-12-20 23:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat1640 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a control freak and I'm betting he controls other aspects of your life also. If you arent happy allowing someone else to control your life you need to get rid of him. It gets worse as the years go by not better. He also has no respect for you and sounds abusive by making you think you cant do things.
2006-12-20 20:31:31 · answer #9 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is a real jerk, hon. Your guinea pigs deserve a good life whether he thinks so or not. Tell him he can choose you and the guinea pigs in the proper environment, or no girlfriend and no guinea pigs.
2006-12-20 20:30:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋