It s one year i m married and recentely i feel very sick of my husband. I moved from Italy to us for him cause i love him a lot.But in the last 3 months i really miss my family,my country,my culture and the european style life. My husband does not know how to have fun...he never shows me new places and we mostlikely spend time at home. Sometimes i even think he takes advantage of me cause he makes me cook lunch and dinner everyday...i m the only one the also take care of the house...I feel very bad and i m starting to think to go back home but i m also scared.Go back with nothing than a us husband?...what can i do? his family is also mean with me,specially his mother...i m very confused :(
2006-12-20 19:35:55 · 11 answers · asked by manolaxox 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you should go back home, you are home sick
2006-12-20 19:38:05 · answer #1 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ciao, amica!
Have you been able to call your mother or family in Italia and talk to them...to share how you feel and to perhaps help you feel less homesick?
Perhaps if you could share in your own language the way you FEEL, your mom, or someone would understand what you are going through, and it may help ease your anxiety.
I am sure , like many new brides, you have dreams and hopes and expectations, and when the reality does not look just like that dream, then we tend to second-guess our choice that we made in the first place. Married life and a committed relationship is a LOT of work , (not all fun and romance!) even when both speak and think in the same language, and the new relatives are all wonderful, and life is grand--getting to know one another takes a long time, and each of the folks in the relationship have to give 100% to make it work.
This may sound hard to hear--but in my experience, many men have a hard time handling the fact that the women are unhappy. Happiness is such an elusive thing, and what makes women happy, is often, NOT the same criteria that make the men happy!
Give him time, cara, you are both still in a learning process, and even the finest vino takes a long time to become JUST perfect!
give him time, give your best, and remember...pray!
It took Michaelangelo a long time to carve the statue of David!!!
2006-12-20 20:19:49 · answer #2 · answered by susieque 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You see even an apparently great marriage between famous people like actors and models usually leads to separation or divorce, you know why ? Because before marriage people usually do everything to win the attention and please the other side, but when the target is reached(i.e. marriage) there remains no other reasons to behave and act as before, cause the task(marriage) is accomplished...and people become ordinary to each other little by little....
You know we are all ordinary people after all, so we should not expect wonderful things from each other in today's confusing world that everyone has many matters to deal with...I mean maybe we should be the start-point for a special occasion , a wonderful event or a surprise(of course an educated one) after all, and not expect it from others...That way we could intrigue the sense of fun and pleasure in others as well....Good Luck
2006-12-20 19:55:35 · answer #3 · answered by Adrin K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't you discover any of this stuff before you got married? This is all basic things you should know about someone before you marry. Can't tell you what to do. You got yourself into this mess, you're going to have to find a way out. Maybe see a marriage counselor, maybe just go home if you don't have any feelings (except bad ones) for him anymore.
Being sick of your husband after only a year of marriage is a very bad sign and doesn't bode well for continuing it. This happens a lot in Hollywood.
2006-12-20 19:40:29 · answer #4 · answered by Ivan The Not So Terrible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when you weregetting married to your husband you should have thought of these things before that yes you will have to leve everything behind and live with this man in a completely different country. its not fair realizing everything now is it. now about the cooking lunch and dinner well it seems like you do stay at home usually so its just seems like a good time pass and if it bothers you so much get a job try to make your self busy. woman it seems like you have alot of free time on your hand. try to visit your family once in a year, it would be like taking a holiday. i am sure you must be missing your country and all but you need to keep yourself busy. empty mind is the devils workshop always remmeber.
2006-12-20 19:42:24 · answer #5 · answered by samina m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not TALK to your husband and tell him how you feel, ask him to take you back to Italy for a holiday, so you can see your family. If he does not know what the problem is, then how can he fix it? Some people expect their husbands/wives to be mind readers, and they wonder why the person never does anything to change the situation, well the answer to that is because they don't know, they cannot read your thoughts, so tell him that you are homesick, and see what he can suggest to fix the situation.
2006-12-20 19:49:19 · answer #6 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is quite serious problem, near to me, there might have been following reasons, firstly, you love your family and your culture very much. in the fit of love you cant judge it but when you left your country, you suddenly start having nostalgia that making your life disturbed and therefore you find your in-laws and your hubby not good enough for you, secondly, you might be dreaming of an ideal relationship with your husband but when you come to us you find your husband just an ordinary one, so his behaviour makes you home sick.
Both issues are important equally, you should honestly look at the things once again ok! that is some thing wrong with you or actually with your huby and his family.
Secondly, do try to get more closer to your huby and his family and make it your ambition to win their hearts, behave in such a nice manner that they themselves should admit your powerful presence in their homes and do take your huby parents as your own parents though they cant replace your real parents but being present at another part of world if you find even 50% love of your parents through your hubby parents it will be a great sigh of relief for you.
You can discuss about other aspects to your huby as well about your liking and dislikings in a very friendly and polite manner hopefuly you will have positive reply from your huby.
its the matter that you have to change yourselves abit means you are the only in to their family from europe so its dificult that they change their life styles while living in us therefore you are the new comer and having a loving husband also so just try to adopt few of american qualities as well while keeping your culture preserved.
Please please be patient in this matter, and dont make any decision in hurry you can contact me via email as well.. if you need further suggestions....
2006-12-20 21:44:27 · answer #7 · answered by willy nilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im very sympathetic of your situation, i have done the same thing, but with one big difference. i left my country to be with the man i love, he is italian and i live with him in rome now. we knew each other for two years before deciding to make the big move, and even now, i want more time to get to know him better. you know you only get to really know someone once you have lived with them for a while. in the third month when i was here, he wanted to start a family. i wasnt comfortable with that so i asked him to wait, and that i needed more time. he understood that and supports my way of thinking. im concluding that you rushed into this marriage, after only one year its not normal to feel like this. id go home for a vacation, to rejuvinate yourself. i go home every six months, and everytime i go back home i miss him. so i decided that time is the only thing that is going to give me the answer, and untill im 110 persent sure of myself and him, i will not make a serious commitment like marriage or a family. i think leaving your country is a big enough move, for now, and the rest will follow all in due time if it is what you really want. you are married now, you made a promise to spend the rest of your life with him, you have to talk to him, tell him you are not comfortable staying home doing all the chores, find a job. if he loves you he will understand that.
2006-12-20 20:28:13 · answer #8 · answered by Danica F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things don't sound very well for you, but in my opinion you should be very direct and honest with your husband. The worst that is going to happen is that you find out how he really feels, which might not be that bad. Good Luck!
2006-12-20 19:40:05 · answer #9 · answered by JackDaniels024 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you married him for a stable life, and a free trip to the STATES. You don't love him , you never did. You were just in love with the idea of coming here. Go home, or you'll never be happy. And neither will he.
2006-12-20 19:42:21 · answer #10 · answered by Lizzard Tongue 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are feeling. I have been married for 3 years, and have similar feelings. I love my wife, she's my best friend. But sometimes, I feel so hollow inside. I find I like her more as a friend, then as a lover. I often think of leaving her, but the thought of losing of my best friend keeps me to her.
That being said, if I were you, I think I would leave him. It doesn't look like you are happy at all.
2006-12-20 20:09:30 · answer #11 · answered by blue_fenetre 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋