I have sexual issues, and I don't know whether to see a therapist or what.?

Question

Have you ever seen the movie "Hostel" or "Saw"? Well to me, those are porn movies. I get very aroused watching and hearing someone get tortured. Sound scary? Well it scares me too. During sex I cannot enjoy it unless I'm being slapped hard or cut or strangled. I'm not trying to get attention or advertise or anything like that. This disorder really scares me, and it's impossible for me to have an honest relationship with anyone because everyone I'm with is turned off by it. I'm scared it will lead me to do the things I see in those films. What's wrong with me? And do I need a therapist?

I know about S&M. I wouldn't even call it that. I mean, if you've seen hostel or saw, well, most people are disgusted or scared of that. But me, I can't stop watching, AND it arouses me. That's the scariest part. Getting aroused from a snuff film? That's messed up.

Lizzard, it's okay, I'm not offended. I wasn't molested as a child. However I was physically abused. I dunno. You think that has anything to do with it?

Answer 1

I understand that you say you don't enjoy it, but that you find it arousing. It is sexual masochism, and it is considered a DSM disorder. The thing is, I would try to see a therapist if you wish to change it.
Many people do actually enjoy it besides it being sexually arousing. The danger for them is that sometime they mgiht go to far and really get hurt. That's the danger for you too until you get help. In the mean time, I would recommend sticking to "harmless" forms of masochism - the slaps shouldn't be too harmful, would spanking do it? Once I saw in a case study of a man who had sexual masochism - that he liked to be beat with a rolled up newspaper. Surely theres nothing more harmless than that! try something that is harmless, but does inflict some moderate pain on you and is able to arouse you.
The most important thing when dealing with a mental disorder, is the desire for treatment and change! You have come this far, go all the way!

Answer 2

I think there is a broad range here and you need to find where you fit into all these comfort zones. Like many people here have already said, some of this can be quite normal. I think there is a certain level of desire for things we "should not do". You know, taboo things. So while I think you are okay to have some of that in your life, you apparently do not feel comfortable with where you are at with it. That is the most important part of this whole question. What do YOU want. That means you need to really sit down and figure out what you like without listening to what anybody else says. Once you figure that out, it will be easier for you to decide if you need to look more into S&M and find that you are normal in those parameters, or seek counseling or both. I would highly suggest making sure you REALLY trust your counselor though. They could make you feel worse if you're not careful. Try asking someone what good questions you should ask a counselor to help you know they are not trying to mess your head up! I had that happen to me and it sucks. But there are good counselors out there so don't be afraid of that.
Also, if the movies are arousing you and that feels uncomfortable, as with all things, abstaining from that will EVENTUALLY help you not desire it anymore. You'll have to be truly genuine with yourself on that effort though.

I personally find those movies very disturbing that Hollywood would glorify torture and pain in that way since it does affect many people on a personal level and also gives the wrong people bad ideas! I will admit curiosity, but I won't go see them. Clear your mind of that junk. It might be great entertainment, but in the long run, why cramp your mind up with useless morbid images like that? Perhaps occupying your brain with more healthy images and hobbies and what not will also help you.

I really hope you figure it out. We are all weighed down by similar deep rooted emotional issues and you will feel SO free when you break away from this! You will think you have invisible wings. Keep your mind set on that goal!

I wish you the best.

Answer 3

HI.I hope this does'nt apply to you, Or set off some hidden memories for you. It sounds like you were molested as a child, and the memories are repressed. That's why you have an unhealthy outlook towards sex. I hope I'm wrong. Good luck.

Answer 4

a lot of people enjoy/have the same fetish as you do. There are a lot of websites catering to S&M. Try looking for people with the same interest and you wont feel alienated anymore. I myself enjoy S&M once in a while...as long as you can control it up to certain point then its ok i guess.

Answer 5

Not necessarily. There is a huge range of people into S&M which it seems you are. Talk to a therapist if you're that worried and try and figure out what's going on in your head. Good luck!♥

Answer 6

My Dear Friend, that IS a problem and yes you should not delay seeking mental health therapy as soon as possible or you could end up a victim and star of your own snuff film.

Answer 7

Some people do get turned on by "pain," but if it is seriously effecting your life (relationships) or you may eventually hurt yourself, then you should see a therapist.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with you. You have a fetish for pain. It is probably more common than you think. As far as your relationship problems, believe me there are guys out there just like you, you just have to look. I have the same fetish myself.

Answer 9

First, stop watching those movies. I would seek therapy just to be on the safe side.

Answer 10

I found that Bugs Bunny cartoons help me clear my mind.