Here's the deal:
My girlfriend is afraid of committing, due to the "what ifs", in a relationship. Example:
What if I fall out of love with you?
What if you fall out of love with me?
What if something happens?
They're so afraid to become serious with me, and it tears me apart. They're willing to try to keep going, but it's scaring them. Does anyone have any advice? I don't want any stupid answers like, 'y not just quit', or 'tel her to stfu'. Give me a long, thought out answer, perhaps using past experiences. Thank you.
2006-12-20 17:48:03 · 4 answers · asked by immafirinmahlazer 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
In relationships we like to think we tell our partner everything in our past experiences, we know this is false. Very rarely do we tell our partner everything. Why? Maybe we feel out partner will think less of us. Maybe it is embarrassing for us to expose our throat to our partner (throat being a quick kill).
Survival tells us not to expose everything to another.
Have you thought about this? Your G/F could have had something happen in the past that was so hurtful, might be berried so deep in there head and been kept there for the time it took for her to vow never to tell anyone. Not even the person claiming to love her.
She is afraid of something in this relationship. Might not be anything you have done, might have been something someone else has done to make her so afraid of getting into a serious relationship.
Is her parents still together? Has one of her parents left the family? Has one of her siblings go through a horrible divorce or break up? Has her close friends?
Has she been raped or traumatized somehow?
All these things need to be looked at. If you love this girl time will tell you everything you need to know about her, even if this means you need to give her privacy and let her keep some things for herself. Sometimes people would rather leave a relationship then expose everything to another....
Good luck!
2006-12-20 18:14:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny, because Ive been with my boyfriend for four years and I guess I think exactly like your girlfriend. I'm afraid of all the what ifs' as well. I guess maybe she feels somewhat insecure of her self and she is afraid of losing you because she loves you alot. Maybe this has happened to her previously and she is afraid of being a failure or something (losing you). I guess, if I were you I would give her special treatment, tell her how much you love her and show and do little things to show that you care for her deeply and kinda exaggerate your feelings alot in a sincere and loving way. Keep telling her that you will never leave her and that you are always going to be there for her..and that your not going to leave her for anyone. Also maybe shes scared because you have alot of other female friends and maybe shes scared that anyof them might be intrested in you and you may be intrested in them etc etc. Alot of things run in a females head, we think alot!!!! in our spare times...so I guess I woudl tell you to give her special care and attention and make her feeel extra loved...
I guess if she is still fussing, then just allow her and see what she really wants to do...
eh, hope it helps! jst a thought
2006-12-21 01:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by MeaMea 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there may not be an easy answer to your question. Keep in mind that you're not unique, and that many of us have been through what's happening to you.
It happened to me several times, and the ending was never the same no matter what I tried to do.
It seems that the only thing you can do is just be yourself, be honest, and hope for the best.
Trying to influence events in order to force an outcome one way or the other just doesn't work.
2006-12-21 01:56:50 · answer #3 · answered by almintaka 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try moving in together, that will determine if you are truly meant to be together.
2006-12-21 02:13:11 · answer #4 · answered by King Midas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋