2006-12-20 16:53:27 · 22 answers · asked by JustLynn 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
your mom eats hair dryers for a living, and loves eating school childrens and desks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUuxaETsU-A
2006-12-20 16:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn't. Santa was having a really bad day.
It was Christmas Eve and nothing was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking the night before and were all horribly hung over. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners.
Santa paced up and down his workshop. "I can't believe this! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and all my reindeer are too hung over to fly, my elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out hours ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree.
"Yo! fat man!" he called. "Where do you want to stick the Christmas tree this year?"
And thus the tradition of angels perched atop the Christmas trees came to pass......
2006-12-20 16:56:27 · answer #2 · answered by irish1 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees."
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
2006-12-20 17:05:17 · answer #3 · answered by bluetinkerbell 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A woman, wanting to surprise her husband on their aniversary, stopped at a liquor store and bought a very good, expensive bottle of wine to go with the special dinner she had prepared. Hurring home, she saw her friend, an old Indian woman and stopped to give her a ride. The old woman saw the bag with the wine in it as she was climbing in the car and asked, "What's that?" The other woman replied, "I got a bottle of wine for my husband." The old Indian woman said, "Good Trade!"
By: Happily Divorced
2006-12-20 17:00:33 · answer #4 · answered by towanda 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here's a joke for you....
A man and his friend were enjoying deer hunting season in rural Michigan near a blacktop highway. A huge buck walked by and the hunter carefully drew his rifle and took careful aim.
Before he could pull the trigger, his friend pointed at a funeral procession passing on the road below their stand.
The hunter slowly set his rifle back down, took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer.
His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I have ever known."
The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years,
it just felt like the right thing to do."
2006-12-20 16:55:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Two good ole boys in Oklahoma were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer...
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."
2006-12-20 16:56:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
#1-if Iraq attacked Jordan from behind would Greece help? #2-why cant black people eat tootsie rolls? they keep biting their fingers. #3-theres a black, a mexican, and a puerto rican in a car, whos driving? the police #4-why dont black kids play in sandboxes? the cats keep covering them up.#5-your mamas so fat shes livin large,
2006-12-20 16:59:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here's some jokes:
Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-*******-believable!"
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shiit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shiit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shiit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"
2006-12-20 16:58:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How does Congressman Mark Foley keep his place in the books he reads?
He bends the "page" over.
2006-12-20 16:57:16 · answer #9 · answered by RoninShonen 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just an insult here.
if you wre any dumber Id have to water you once a day
2006-12-20 16:55:36 · answer #10 · answered by BoTToms UP 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
2006-12-20 16:56:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋