I moved out of my home, marriage, and family to start anew with another women I fell in love with. She has a child in high school and is divorced. Once I am out she seems to still limit our meetings to 1 or 2x a week. I am 5 mins away and kind of expected more time with her here (dinners, movie, fun, just time). I am going thru divorce and she is very impatient with my lack of progress. I have been out 7 months and been in divorce process 4 months. I haven't given an update in 2 months. B4 pushing divorse I want to see more love, time, commitment from her. In past she said she is scared of marriage, doesn't want to make another mistake, sees too many conflicts with it but offers her home at some point down the road. She has a child in high school. I don't get it. If she is impatient with my progress, than tell me you want me in your future, don't question me, doubt me and pressure me if you really aren't into getting into a serious long term relationship. We are in 40's. What's up?
2006-12-20 16:29:23 · 16 answers · asked by Rickso 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems that your both afraid of going forward, you won't leave your current situation entirely until you know you can be with "new love" and she won't be there until you're not in your current situation. No one should ever leave to be with someone else ... leave for yourself first and foremost. If you get into an argument you don't want to be armed with "I left .... for you and this is what I get" It's one thing to leave because you want to leave and the fact that you've found someone to care about is nice but don't make her the reason for the exit. I can understand the caution from both points ... it's nothing more than reality, you both care and your both scared.
2006-12-20 16:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by Chele 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, I make it a point to NEVER leave one lover for another. That is always a huge mistake! If you don't find the ability to be happy without either of them, happy completely alone, then you will never be happy WITH either of them.
Secondly, you should not have abandoned your family because you "fell in love" with another woman. What did your wife do to deserve such mistreatment? More importantly, what did your child or children do to deserve being abandoned by the only father they will ever have?
Examine your thoughts and see if they are too self centered. Do you really love either of these ladies? If you did wouldn't you be concerned with what is best for them?
It sounds like you are just looking for the best "safety net" you can have, and that would be really cruel. It would be wrong to keep your wife and family "on the back burner" just in case things don't work out with this lady.
If your wife is wise she won't take you back even when this new lady dumps you (which is inevitable) and you beg to come "home". But perhaps she is kinder than she is wise.
I am sure you can be a wonderful person. Please re-evaluate what you are doing here. Would you like being treated the way you have treated your wife and family? What if the shoe were on the other foot?
2006-12-20 16:49:12 · answer #2 · answered by DidoDeeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty normal to seek happiness and love you deserve as much as anyone does. You focus so much on your newfound relationship that you start to lose your rationality in this situation. From what you wrote, it sounds like you expect lil too much of your lover when it's really you needing to meet her half way. I agree with others that you commit adultery. She is divorced and you aren't.
" B4 pushing divorse I want to see more love, time, commitment from her."
You weren't sure if she'd invest into your relationship because you don't want to push divorce until she does. Why don't you try to finish closing the chapter in your life before you move on?
To be frank, I think you need to get it over with your wife first before you do anything else.
2006-12-20 18:17:01 · answer #3 · answered by azngurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello...
My suggestion is to take this situation slow. I am sure you'd love to have more time candlelite dinners and what not as your not to far from her now in living distance. However what you truly need to do is get fully divorced first. Allow yourself some time to make sure that you, yourself is ready to get into another long term relationship.
You haven't even gotten the saddle off from this race and here your ready to place another one on.. Oh dear slow down and take your time.
While the divorce is in the stages I also suggest that you take some time for yourself... your still young!!
Relax!!
Happy Holidays!!
ps
if you live where it's warm go play yourself a good game of golf or whatever sport you enjoy releive some of that stress!!
2006-12-20 16:44:45 · answer #4 · answered by ssgtmommy01 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like she wants a commitment without giving a full one herself but it beats me as to why.
On the other hand you don't sound too sure yourself.
If you were to find out that she didn't want you in her future would you be so willing to divorce now? I wonder if both of you shouldn't rethink the whole thing. At the very least it's time for straight talk. Thing's sound shaky at best to me.
2006-12-20 16:38:37 · answer #5 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is scared to make a commitment to you based on various reasons. You both should sit down and talk things over in terms of where you want your relationship to go and what your constraints are (e.g. your divorce process, etc.)
2006-12-20 16:36:43 · answer #6 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is sort of a no-brainer if you step back from the situation; you cheated on your wife to be with her and while it was one thing to be a fun fling on the side, it is a huge difference in perspective to step into the shoes of being the main woman.
2006-12-20 16:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your girlfriend is not that into you. Serioulsy, if a woman is really interested, she makes herself available to that man. SHe doesn't want to marry again, she only wants to see you once a week, she's questioning and doubting you about your progres......it shouldn't be that hard. Try being single for a while, instead of OVERLAPPING your relationships. That is totally unhealthy for your mental heath.
2006-12-20 16:44:30 · answer #8 · answered by Penny P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's good she's distancing herself... you need to sort out your divorce issues yourself.
Perhaps she is intimidated now (looks to me like you let her break up your marriage) and is having second thoughts and feels guilty.
In any case you need to talk with her... I'm 21 and I see how badly this is being handled. I guess people never grow up.
2006-12-20 16:46:50 · answer #9 · answered by Principessa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you leave your wife for this woman? If you did you made a big mistake. I think she may have other men besides you. Leave her, and if your wife will take you back go back and ask for forgiveness
2006-12-20 16:39:51 · answer #10 · answered by cm f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋