i have been with my husband for 2 years and i'm his second wife, i'm also the 40th women that he has slept with, every time i think about it i feel dirty and cheap. I have only slept with 4 men, i really need help figuring this out, Please help.
2006-12-20 16:07:33 · 33 answers · asked by Jessica B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i guess i should of said more...we both have been tested, i did not know before we were married. i know he loves me and i dont think he would cheat on me, he does'nt have time, he works withj family and i always know where he is. HIs ex-wife is always reminding me that i am the second wife and with knowing that i'm also the 40th women he has slept with combined is alittle depressing.
2006-12-21 02:39:32 · update #1
Do you feel like he is com pairing you to one or all when the two of you are having sex.Did you notice I didn 't say making love . Your husband doesn't make love he has sex and to some man that is all it is.Does he like to talk during sex or wants you to talk dirty to him if so then you have a player on your hands.He will cheat on you every chance is gets.I feel for you because I no what kind of life you are in for.I no what I'm telling you is going through one ear and out the other .10 years from now when your at home and wondering where your husband is because he should of been home hours ago try to remember a total stranger tried to warn you.
2006-12-20 16:44:03 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to look at it this way, out of those 40, he's only married 2, so that means he found something very special about you. If you consider that after a divorce he would be very reluctant to marry again, but you won him over. Also, if he's great under the sheets, thats because he had all that practice before he finally met you and you should be very grateful for the other 39 for doing their part in your satisfaction. If your still feeling cheated then discuss with him your feelings, maybe he'd be up to join a swing club so you can enjoy others.
2006-12-20 16:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by jglassdude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for him to even 'tell' you that, is weird. I know guys are prone to 'bragging' about how many women they've slept with, but when you're in a serious relationship, let alone, "Married", then that kind of talk would not be considered 'table talk'!!
I think you're having difficulties with this because you know the risks of STD's, diseases and health concerns, especially nowadays, with having multiple partners!!
I hope you both have had been tested for things like that, just because you're in a relationship for life! I did this with my spouse, and it was a load off my back, knowing that we're both clean and didn't have those kinds of issues that would come back to haunt us, one day!
I feel that just being the 'second wife' might make you feel like you're 'second best', or not the 'first' in his life. Just that alone would be troublesome, enough.
But, think of it this way, if he's true to you, and you trust him, and he's faithful and loyal only to you, then you know there's nothing to worry about, considering he's TOLD you these things, like, how he loves you, cares about you, reassuring you that there's nothing to be worried about, and that he's trustworthy, then you shoudn't be too worried.
Maybe discuss how you feel about this, to him, so he has a better understanding on where you're coming from, and how 'knowing how many women he's been with' has affected you, emotionally. If he's a considerate and loving husband, then he'll give you some reassuring feedback!
2006-12-20 16:14:43 · answer #3 · answered by argamedius 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why did you ever marry him if this bothers you so much? Sounds like you are worried he'll keep going, right? If you'd truly believe he'd love you, this would not bother you one bit. Why did this 'counting' business ever come up? It should not matter what happened before. Why feel dirty and cheap? Even if you are the 2nd wife, you are his WIFE, not one of who-cares-how-many. You are the one he comes home to, he chose to be with, right? Try to remember the good sides of this: at least you should have an exciting sex life 'cause he is experienced, or??? So, instead of feeling badly about yourself, try to see it as having a worldly man, and enjoy him!!!
2006-12-20 16:23:15 · answer #4 · answered by avechm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you keep comparing yourself to the other women he has slept with? This is why people should never tell each other exactly how many people they have slept with. It sounds like you might need to talk to a counselor because you are finding issues with yourself and not him. Do you think that he is cheap and dirty? You said "I feel dirty and cheap," Has he slept with anyone else since you two got married? Do you enjoy your sex life with your husband?
2006-12-20 16:58:58 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he should of not shared this imformation with you because it is obivousely bothering you! Look, we all have a past. Some are worse then others. After 2 years this should not be an issue still UNLESS he is still having issues with sleeping with other wemen. Hun try to move forward and think; out of all fourty you must of been the best one...LOL. These thought will eventually destroy your marriage so move forward.
2006-12-20 16:23:12 · answer #6 · answered by goodgrlelectric2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 40 he has slept with- were they before you were married and did you know it before you were married? If so, you went into this marriage with your eyes wide open. I think you are feeling inadequate and that you must "perform" for him and be better than the rest. Talk this over with your husband and perhaps you need a few professional sessions with someone trained to help you with your feelings. Good luck.
2006-12-20 16:12:27 · answer #7 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only 40? Give the poor bstrd a break. 40s that's nothing these days, should be 340.
Look at it this way, the guy has obviously had some practice, enough to get around and should be able to put that to good use.
You ever do it with a virgin? No Great Thrill There!
Sounds like you may have a good thing going there. Now go knock him out of his socks and make him a nice meal!
Okay ladies here comes the thumbs downs. Hahahahahaha!
2006-12-20 16:12:27 · answer #8 · answered by Rowdy Yayhoot 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's too bad that he fessed up about this to you. It is in his past and is no reflection on how he feels about you. As long as he is faithful to you and loves you, then the number of women he has slept with is irrelevant to your relationship with him. Some men might think that you are dirty for having slept with 4 men. I don't ask and don't tell because I never want it thrown back in my face nor do I want to think about my boyfriend having sex with other women.
To some people, sex is not dirty or sinful, it's just fun. If this matter was important to you, you probably should have brought it up before you married him.
2006-12-20 16:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by schweetums 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, did he cheat on you? If not, what are you talking about!? If he is committed and loyal to you there is nothing to worry about.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but, no matter how much this current P.C. society tries to make women and men the same, we are not, we are not wired the same.
2006-12-20 16:16:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋