First of all hes my stepson from my wifes ex who I would like to kill than torture, hes really not a bad kid, I guess I am looking for a less messy way to do something I guess?
2006-12-20 15:19:15 · 16 answers · asked by WURSTNGHTMARE61 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
slap him and he will think twice next time
2006-12-20 15:22:12 · answer #1 · answered by dee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is always a complicated situation when a man marries a woman who has a child from a previous marriage or relationship. It depends upon how long you have been married, whether or not you have been a role model and father figure for the son, and whether or not your wife, who is the blood relative, is helping by talking with the son or not. It sounds like you need to talk with your wife and explain how you feel and see what she says. You do need to realize that you are not his father and anything needs to be dealt with by either the mother or the biological father, depending upon if he is involved or not. So, you should be loving, caring, supportive, and put just as much into the relationship as you can so you get back what you put into it, but always realize you can't replace his father and he should know that you realize that. I think you need to speak with his mother so she can decide what is best. If she is not willing to help then you may need to suggest some form of counseling. Just remember that you get what you give. What goes around comes around. So, if you put in the effort to try and be a good friend, role model, and father figure then I'm sure, over time, things will improve. But, it takes time and this child is 14 years old. He's going through changes, defining who he is, etc. You need to understand that these are the years when he has to decide who he is as a person so he may be rebelling a little while he finds out. He's growing and learning just as much as you are and just know that change does not happen over night. It might take years before your relationship improves with him.
2006-12-20 15:26:26 · answer #2 · answered by achristian520 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take away some of his privileges. Talk with your wife and decide what a suitable punishment would be. Things like no rides anywhere he must now take the bus or anything that he depends on you for but could be removed to get a point across.
Also if you respect him as a person who is to be making choices and his way in the world perhaps he wont feel the need to disrespect you.
2006-12-20 15:24:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't take it so personal. He is 14. All 14 year olds mouth off. This is the age that really tries parents patients. It's like the teenage year of the terrible 3's. Ignore, or tell him if he is going to act like that he can just go sit in his room alone until he can act like a civilized young man. My kids spent a lot of time in their bedroom at that age. It's a confusing time. Don't you remember? Think about it. Would you want to be 14 again?
2006-12-20 15:27:06 · answer #4 · answered by sunny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow, you have your hands full.
First of all, realize he's been through alot (I'm guessing there was a break up in the past with his mother and biological father and it is never easy on the kids).
Reassure him that you love his mom and respect her and that you love him and respect him.
That way he knows you are all on the same team. Teens that have been through divorce or similar situations need to be reassured you have their best interest at heart. If there is any rip tide of doubt, that is fertile ground for him to develop a distaste for you in general. Your not dealing with a rational human in a teeny bopper. Your dealing with a nebulous ball of emotion and a moving target.
Then make a mental list of your expectations of him and yourself and a mental list of consequences for specific no no's.
Then just tell him. For example...
(after the reassuring him first of course)
"These are the things I cannot bring myself to allow in my home...
1. staying out past "x" time of night
2. showing disrespect to your mother
3. disrespect to myself
4..etc...
(Qualify this by giving examples..)
When I say disrespect, I mean the back talking or mumbling that I hear coming from you sometimes. It is a sign of disrespect and it is unhealthy for a child not to learn to respect authority. I'm not your biological father but I am an adult and I am married to your mother and I wouldn't be a very responsible step father if I allowed that behavior from you. Your important to me and I want you to learn all the lessons that every normal kid learns and one of the more important ones is respecting authority."
Then tell him what will happen if he breaks a rule...
"Here is what will happen if you disrespect your mother, or don't come in on time etc....
1. I will take away some of your privileges and free time.
2. I will ground you.
3. I will call your biological father.
Then finally and probably most important.
"Before I make deliver any discipline, your mother and I will come to an agreement on what needs to be done".
It's all about a united front with a teen because they can and do realize that the "divide and conquer" technique works. Don't let him divide you and don't argue about it in front of him. Over time it should help if you are consistent with it. Good luck.
2006-12-20 16:16:28 · answer #5 · answered by sheepinarowboat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does wife know or does kid mouth off when she is not around? She may be able to support you in working together to get the kid to respect youmore
has something else happened prior to your conversation with kid?you may be @ the end of a bad day for him
do you treat him better than his biological father? he may unknowingly dislike the fact that his own father isn't as good to him as a stranger.
are you referring to the ex or the kid in the kill torture debate?
2006-12-20 15:24:13 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your wife needs to control how he boy treats others including you . A step parent can't step in and expect the kid to just say "well ok hes my new Dad so la te da !" give the kid a break and ignore him when he acts out .
2006-12-20 15:23:45 · answer #7 · answered by Geedebb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For me, I'd let him know that it's my house (if it is yours), and if he didn't like it there under my rules, then he's free to get out and stay out. BUT, you might want to have a "man to man" talk with him to find out where he is coming from first. He could be resentful that you are taking his mom away from him, and she no longer pays attention to him. Let him know that you all have to live together under the same roof, and that you expect the same treatment, that he expects. Then try to do some things together without mom being around. Good luck!!
2006-12-20 15:28:22 · answer #8 · answered by Chris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you don't appreciate to be talked to with disrespect. If he continues find him a chore to attend to. And be consistent. It works for me. I have raised two sons' and raising the younger two now both teenagers.A great deal of it has to do with hormones and brain chemicals raging and maturing and firing. It really a normal part of the growth process. The attitude. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-20 15:28:00 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has other issues besides just a smart mouth.
I used to smart off to my Dad and slam my bedroom door, my door was taken off of the hinges by my Dad until I promised not to slam it any more. Try something like that. Take away something he loves like PlayStation, X-Box, TV, Telephone, etc.
2006-12-20 15:24:39 · answer #10 · answered by Colette B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
try to bond w/t u it doesnt sound like u 2 r 2 close and once u r you can tell him 2 give u respect. if he doesnt see u as a fatherly figure y wld he respect u?
2006-12-20 15:22:37 · answer #11 · answered by PaRtYqUeEn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋