How do I deal with mother in laws?

Question

Need I say she's always in our business ready for drama, and pretty much hates when her son buys me anything because she feels she's more important. Makes comments about if her son and I ever split they would fight for the child, and what's crazy about this is that we have no children

Answer 1

GOOD LUCK!! I say get on your knees, you're gonna need a lot of help from upstairs on this one!!

Answer 2

Ekkk!! In laws are at some point and time a huge problem in marriages. I suggest that you talk with your husband about this before the issue becomes major!

First of all you didn't marry your in laws you married your husband.

If your husband wishes to not speak up regarding this , then sweetie you need to do it. Be tactful but respectful even if your in laws aren't that way to you. Let his mother know that her son is married now like it or not. She needs to give you respect just as you give her. If nothing else have respect for her son as you are his wife!

That if you all need her advice, comments or suggestions you'll ask for it otherwise please do not get into your marriage, it's time she cut the apron string.

Doing this will show them that you are mature and can handle this in an adult manner. It also seems that your in laws don't want to let the son go.

I'd be very interested in knowing what your husband has said about this, he must know how this effects you. And I hope that he isn't one to say "oh she doesn't mean anything by it or that sort of thing"

But yes the best thing to do here before a major blow up is you & your husband needt to talk about this, and you both comfront his parents together and get this issue fixed quick!

Good luck dear .. Happy Holidays

ps
Don't spend to much time at the in laws over the holidays could lead to an horrible occasion with all this drama going on.( I know that's bad to say when the holidays are about family and friends, but in this case it's best to not spend no more time than you must there)

Answer 3

Oh I'm so sorry, you've got "one of those" MIL's. Man. She's just completely jealous that her son loves another woman. She has no life of her own, doesn't feel validated by anything else besides being a mother, and that's pathetic. Normal women feel secure and great about all facets of their lives. Motherhood, being a wife, a friend, a daughter, etc etc etc. But some women start out insecure, and then gain ALL of their security when they become mothers and those baby boys need them. THEN when they don't need them as much as adults, Mom is lost and has nowhere to get her fix of security from. Its not you.....its her.......and she needs to find other things to enjoy in life, else she won't quit this crap. Your husband should be telling her to cut the BS with the splitting up and taking the "kids" comments, he DOES have the power to stop that so I hope he has the b**ls. Good luck!!

Answer 4

I would take her to the side and respectfully ask her to sit down and tell that you'd like to talk to her. Explain to her that you're looking for a confrontation, but you feel like she has a problem with (say it respectfully) (use a low, calm tone of voice which will be hard). Mention the fact that she's always making these comments. She's going to deny it or any problem with you. Then tell her that you don't believe that for one second, that you're not stupid. Tell her to go ahead and say why she doesn't like you. Ask her, "Are you jealous that I married your son?" That will get straight to the point and make her feel really stupid. Tell her that you want an answer before your conversation with her is over. Demand an answer in a low tone of voice so that she doesn't think that you're attacking her. Whatever she does or doesn't say, that will definately make her respect and/or fear you and I definately think that it will change her act. You don't have to even tell your husband that you had the conversation with her because he'll probably get mad at you. Whatever you do, don't lose your cool, that will make you look better and her feel and look really stupid.

Or you could just write all of this to her in a letter, just in case she'll want to argue with you. But tell her during the conversation, "I don't want to argue, I just want an explanation, if you want to argue, then the conversation is over." If she gets rude and/or loud, tell her "When you think you can speak to me in a respectful tone, then we can finish this conversation."

Answer 5

Run while you can, take this as a sign. If not think about the fact that "that" woman raised your boyfriend and he probably has the same traits as her and you just don't know YET. My mother in law is a lying, cheating, stealing witch and the thing is she is really good at hiding it. So when no one is around us she says and does mean things to me. Now i realize that my husband is a sneaky SOB too. It did me best when I simply stayed away from her no matter what happens. It helped that my husband backed me up and doesn't pressure me to go over to his parents house. OMG does your boyfriend have a sister? Stay even further away from her! Good luck girl!

Answer 6

Well I am a mother in law....I always told my kids to move away.
I dont want to know what is going on in their homes. They chose the ones they married and I dont need the drama.
I have the oposite with my daughter in laws and we dont even live near each other. I dont want to know anything about their love lives or any of their immagined little problems. I get blamed for so much and I seldom even talk to them because any statements I make will be taken and used against me...even if I never said it. I always wanted to get along with my those that married my children but it looks like it is not to be...as for you...
If you can do it then move a few states away....not a few miles...then if there is a problem with her that is your husbands problem to take care of it. Learn to keep your mouth shut and let hubby handle it. Always be polite even if it makes you ill..smile a lot. Again...move...let hubby handle it. No kids until hubby grows balls and takes care of mom.

Answer 7

wow. how does your husband feel about this? have you shared your feelings with him.
I have had a patchy relationship with my mother in law too, and I just expressed my feelings to my husband. It did stir up trouble but in the end I felt better to get it off my chest and give him some time to process it.
And 2ndly, you should talk to her.
Tell her that you love your husband and that you are not trying to take him away from her. there is enough love for everybody.
Life is too short for this drama and negativity. And you dont want to bring a child into that sort of dysfunction.
EXPRESS yourself. And good luck!

Answer 8

Ya know what, that woman is crazy. He's an adult, and so are you. She needs to mind her own business and give advice only when it's solicited. And "they" can fight for your yet-to-be-born child all they want, unless you are completely unfit as a parent, it'll be a 50/50 split. And trust me when I say this, the court doesn't give a flying crap about anything she has to say about child custody.

Answer 9

okay let me tell you this from my own experience, my mother in law was the best person ever when i first met her then it turn to hell the more me and my husband started to spend together. But we are the best of friends now and i love her so much that i would go to her then my own mother. The reason mother in laws are so nasy and always in to your buisness, isn't that they are crazy, contrary to believe, it is that you have their baby boy. You are talking the place of the women in his life, and seeing him love you so much makes her jealous, and she resents him for bringing you into the life that you raised. She just wants to be part of that life still, if i was you then i would on a day off go shoping with her, get your nails done, have a girls day out, and tell her that you love how she is part of your life and her sons,but for you to be the best wife you can be that you need to be the women of the house, you love her and you are greatful for her opinion on surtin matters, because it shows how much he cares about you and your family, but that you need to be the women of the house, let her know you are not trying to take the place that she filled for so many years, that you don't want to take the time she loves to spend with her son away that you want to have you and her time as well, you just don't want to have two sperate families you want one bug family, and let her know that if you and him do have kids that you both will raise them the way you two feel fit but thather insight will be taken into consideration, because she did how ever raise a trariffic son right, and that she must be preasent to all the speacial occasions, these things helped me and my mother in law it along and now we are one big happy family, i wish you the best of luck because i know how these things can be a bomb waiting to explode, just take it day to day and talk, camunication is the key to everything.

Answer 10

Take it to the man. It is your husband's responsibility. Some family's function on jealousy (you took my son). Others are simply dysfunctional. My mil and fil once drove 5 hours to "drop in because they were in the neighborhood." My wife and I were in the bed. It was the final straw. My wife wrote to mom and mom did not speak to us for 6 months.
Breaking the bonds which bind us is hard, but ignore the drama and set the boundaries. It will be hard because, my guess, is she has ruled the family for years this way. Don't try this on your own, your first test will be getting hubby armed for battle.
GO girl.

Answer 11

First of all you don't deal with her directly. You get your husband to deal with her. Since she's up to your business don't let her know anything about the two of you. Don't let her know that your husband bought you things. This is very typical for a mother in law to act. Afterall, she feels threaten by you and that you are taken her baby away from her. If she makes more comment about you than you both see her less, and less. I know how you feel. I am a daugther in law myself. My mother inlaw always make comments about me. Thank god she lives out of state. We see her once a yr. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel about it. Go easy on the mother in law afterall, that is his mom. Those that suggested to put a restraining order on her. Are you out of your mind? That's going to create more drama.