I have been married for the last couple of months and notice there's just a lack of sex between us. I can honestly say we have intercourse at most 2 times a month now. When I ask him he keeps telling me it's school (he's attending a postsecondary institution) and he's tired, but I thought guys thought about sex 24/7. I have nothing to compare to it if this is normal as he was my first and just think it's odd that we pratically have no sex drive. I try to entice him but always feel like I'm begging/nagging him to "do it". We are both early thirties, so any advice on those we experienced it will be greatly appreciated!
2006-12-20 14:49:32 · 20 answers · asked by XYU 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
walk around in sexy teddies I bet that will peak his interest_
2006-12-20 14:52:06 · answer #1 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell me, does he also work as well as this course. Because if he does then no wonder he is tired. You see men mostly always think of sex. However there are physical perameters to this.
If he is exhausted obviously he is not going to want sex. If this is the case then talk to him and ASK him about it and DISCUSS with him to set a certain time each week, it only need be a day, for a romantic sexy time. Also it would be a very good idea to wear , or not wear, something appropriate.
Also if he is tired, give him and organise and help him relax. Give him his time needed and then only after that, approach him for sex.
f however he does not work then or anyway you must remember that man (as opposed to woman) is very outwardly polygamous.
Which is that he'll go with anything in a skirt, or whatever of the opposite sex. Men actually get board somewhat with the sexual part of relationships if they have been married for some time. To get him interested in sex you have to present to him you-AS A NEW WOMAN. See you both have probalby got so used to each other that it is blase. Present to him a new woman- dress up(or down). Suggest to him to do new things, in and out of the bedroom. Have sex in other places, circumstances and positions. You see men and women have different peaks of sexuality. For men it is around 18 to 25. For women between 30 and 40. Therefore appreciate the nature of things. But spice it up. Think back to what both exited you in the days of courtship. Take a holiday seperate. Absence within moderation makes the heart go fonder. Sex is usually a reflection of the rest of life. Spice and brighten up the rest of life. When that is done, chances are the sex will follow. However if it doesn't, a certain toleratance is called for. However if it gets too extreme you might have to go to ultimatums or worse. But nevertherless you are in a marriage. As long as he does not take you for granted, he is still your husband. Marriage is for better or worse. If you were not prepared for this you shouldn't have said "I do " at the altar. So talk, listen(above all listen), discus, plan, understand but above all love. This problem CAN be solve. You will do it. Have faith in youself and good luck. Hope this helps you.
2006-12-20 23:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A postsecondary effort is stressful and as you know, stress drops the sex drive rapidly. I commend you for the openness in your communication. I'd go with the trust the man routine. If you are offering and he isn't taking, then he isn't feeding elsewhere.
You don't mention any other complaints so this looks straight. Try for a compromise.
And yes, by the 30's, a man's sex drive can start to slow down.
2006-12-20 23:12:52 · answer #3 · answered by Joe Cool 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stress and energy are certainly the biggest problems with sex...and it sounds like your husband has not enough energy and too much stress.
Men DO think about sex all the time, but sometimes it's just...too much effort, I guess. Especially when you add in all the time spent cuddling et cetera, suddenly it doesn't seem like such a good deal. Of course, the more energy and time we have, the less likely we are to think that.
Try a romantic vacation - even a weekend getaway can help to rekindle romance. Other than that? I'm not sure what to suggest, other than varying your routine. Give him a private show, do it in a different room/at a different time, wear a costume and roleplay. Good luck!
2006-12-20 22:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by Dilettante 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. um well im not the best to answer this question first of all because my husband and I have enormous sex drives. All I can suggest is basically ask him point blank if he thinks your sexy to him... if yes then procede to ask the questions that are burning in your head. if he thinks your not sexy then try making yourself more desireable. working out for that hot bod. or maybe a hint of jealousy may spark him .if he thinks other guys find you hot then he may be rarin to go. drag him to a club dance with a few guys dont start crap but get him a bit jealous. test some of these. if you get a response you like then hey by all means continue. counceling has also helped me and my husband out quite a bit just to have a third party listening. not to expensive my therapist is 75 dollars an hour. i go monthly. luck to you
2006-12-20 23:01:48 · answer #5 · answered by leaves_of_autumn171311 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like the challenge is over for him... He got the prize now he hasn't anything to prove. Tell him that if he doesn't give it to you that you will find someone who will...Tell him that you did not get married just to be ignored by him. tell him how many times a week you want to have sex then comprimise... but I have to tell you when it comes to sex men are all talk... if you talk to other woman they are begging for the attention too. because after you get married the men stop trying in the relationship and it becomes all about them and how much we women nag to just attention from them... Tell him that as long as you are "nagging" he will know that you are still trying in the relationship... I is when you quit talking or "nagging" to him is when the relationship is dead and that will be when your heart will not belong to him any more... and once that happens then there is no way to save the marriage from a womans point of veiw... once lost always lost..
2006-12-20 23:22:31 · answer #6 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there are lots of reasons why a man looses his sex drive. first off, know that it is not you so dont beat yourself up about it. the best place to start is to let him know how it makes you feel when he doesnt show interest in you. ask him if he cares how you feel. get him to go to a councelor with you. it will not be hard to find the real reason, then it can be solved. there could be 50 different reasons, stemming from stress to fear of performing, to,(if you are older than him, he may have married you for the mothering qualities and see you as a mother. involvement in porn could do it. a good councelor will help. it is not a hard problem to solve. if he will not go with you to a councelor, than go yourself, but let him know that by him not going, it is sending you a message that he doesnt care about how you feel or about the relationship.
2006-12-21 00:40:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He could be suffering from too much stress. He could need a physical to make sure nothing else is wrong. An antidepressant may help with the stress. Hormone supplements may help with the sex drive.
2006-12-20 22:52:54 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl. u need 2 tell him how are u guys married and no sex?? i mean come on. u guys are a married couple u guys should have some fun between u guys. try 2 do it when he's not busy hopefully that will work
2006-12-20 22:54:22 · answer #9 · answered by lady.t_from_newyork 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that right now there is a lot of stress involved. Try and talk to him about it. Maybe you can try some new things in the bedroom to spice it up a little.
2006-12-20 22:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
XYU, we have the same problems, twice a month. Idon't know how many times a week normaly. I've already read some books and i've tried what they'd suggest but it still keep the same. I'm just give up. but let's keep on try and try...
2006-12-20 23:18:51 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋