treated like a child?

Question

im 19 years old i live at home with my parents who are very strict my dad never home he drives truck but the days when he is home its hell i try & not be here he treats me like a child he trys to make rules for me and control me we fight alot and in the end he trys to justify it by saying i love u & i really honestly cant stand him we got into an argument today & he told me im very disrespectful and i think i can do whatever i want & if things continue 2 b this way he will ground me & take control of every aspect of my life & depending on my attitude he will make it so miserable for me ill have to ask him if i can even breathe i mean im 19 years old he talks to me like im a child & i hate it i dont know what 2 do we cant sit down & talk cause everytime we do it turns in2 a fight 2 top it all off i have a boyfriend whos the light of my world only my parents dont know bout him because hes black & my mom has forbid me 2 date him but he makes me so happy & im not gona give him up even if they do find out about him hes been asking me 4 mths 2 move out with him but im scared of what my parents will do if i do then on the other hand my bestfriend wants to move out 2 & i really would wanna move w/her & her daughter but i know my boyfriend would b mad i know this is confusing but any little bit of advice would b helpful thx

Answer 1

OK, sounds like you've spent your life in a very controlled environment. Here you are 19 years old and you're asking strangers on yahoo what to do. According to the law, you are an adult and can move anywhere you please. If you want to live by your rules, you can't be supported by Daddy.

Be sure you have a job, transportation (public trans counts), and understand a little about life, then move.

The "little about life" is: even though you move out, there are still rules - probably more than when you lived at home. Sure, you can party all night now, but you won't be able to hold a daytime job very long if you do. Adults have tons of rules they need to live by.

Personally, I would advise against moving in with your boyfriend. One reason is I'm a little old fashioned. Marriage may not seem important when you're in love, but marriage has a way of making a relationship a little more durable. The second issue I have is that you are afraid your boyfriend will be angry if you move in with your girlfriend. Almost sounds like you would be moving from one controlling environment to another. I'd really think about the relationship before I moved in.

But, advice is technically worth about a cup of coffee (and NOT starbucks). You need to seriously examine your life. Make a decision that is right for YOU. Not for your boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm not saying "be greedy and only think about yourself." I am saying life decisions should be balanced and YOU are an important part of the formula.

Good Luck in whatever decision you make.

Answer 2

Sorry, but I have to look at this from the parents perspective, since after all I am a parent and this is the parenting adolescents thread.

You did well posting in the adolescent thread, since that is what you are acting like. Children often think they are "all growed up" and can do whatever they please. Then it is time for us parents to lay down the law.

Looking at it from your dad's side, here he is driving a truck 28 days a month, he comes home for a little down time with his family and his baby is running amok, getting into trouble and constantly fighting with him. He must love you very, very much to put up with your kind of garbage.

Your mom doesn't want you to date the guy that your dating....

Uh huh, sounds familiar. Parents have all kinds of reasons, I suggest you talk with your mother about your boy friend, find out what her reasons are and maybe you can come to some kind of understanding. You are her daughter and therefore, there is obviously some kind of information one of you is holding out on that would make the other come to their side.

Finally there is this thing called being an adult. Somewhere you decided that at 18 it is fine to stay at home and eat the food that your father puts on the table, to live under the roof that he provides, and watch the TV that he payed for. Being a very lucky person, you can afford to make that decision. Many adults would love to be in your shoes. However when you live in someone else's house.... you have to live by thier rules. You are an adult now, that is not YOUR house, it's your parents and you must bide by their rules as long as you live there.

Answer 3

First off, don't do anything out of anger. You will regret it.
Your father sounds controlling, but does he have a reason not to trust you? Do you follow the rules of the home or break them? If you defy the house rules, then he has a right to be angry. But, if not, then find out why he's so tough on you. Maybe he's afriad you'll make some of the same mistakes he did? He's your father and he loves you, despite his temper and his yelling. Maybe he's afraid of losing you - I know it sounds weird, but my dad was the same way. He yelled, threatened, grounded, and told me what to do when I was 19. I moved out in anger and it was the WORST mistake of my life. I got married too young and it ended in disaster. Later in life, my dad told me he was so afraid of losing me, he didn't know how else to express it. Unfortunately, his controlling ways were the reason I left and he knows now it was a mistake on both our parts.
Also, you are an adult and you have a right to date whomever you wish. They can forbid all they want,but,is that going to stop you? Of course you don't want them to be mad,but in the end, it's YOUR happiness they want, or should want. If he's good to you and treats you with respect,then they should be thrilled. If not,it's a sad situation,but you ultimately have to make yourself happy.
Just remember, don't do anything out of anger. Think over the options first and make a rational decision when you're not being yelled at or threatened... do it when you're alone and have time to really and truly think about it. And if your boyfriend loves you, he will wait until you're ready to move in with him. He shouldn't be angry if you live with a friend. That's another form of control.. and that is not healthy. Examine that relationship before you move ahead with it.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Great answer, Laser LIfe!

Yes, you're an adult but there are many things to consider before you move out ... and/or in with anyone. Including job, money, education, transportation, expenses, etc.

I agree that you shouldn't move in with your boyfriend...simply because you are too young. You should wait a couple of years at least before you consider this move.

Rooming with a friend can work...good to share expenses, good for company, good for sharing chores and errands, etc. Make sure you are clear about expenses and responsibilities.

I'm sure your parents really do love you. Though it is a bit odd to turn to Yahoo Answers for serious life help, you sound like a good person and they've clearly had a hand in that, keepin gyou out of trouble, etc.

Get prepared to move out (ie save up money, etc.) then sit your parents down and simply tell them that it's time for you to go out on your own. Tell them about your plans, the finances you've pulled together, etc., to show them that you've thought it through, that you're responsible...and get on with it. Don't rush, get it all together first and just deal with your parents the best you can.

Answer 5

First to begin with, put full stops in your sentences. I can't figure out where it starts or ends...

Now for the beef! This is a classic case. Lets put it into order.

1. DAD: Treats you like a child, does not allow you to make decisions and wants superiority in the household.
SOLUTION: Talking is a no no! What about Garand parents or other family? What about a counciller? Perhaps a really close friend can talk to him...

2. MOM: Will not tolerate you dating a black man! This is NOT necessarily racism, but a kind of instinctal feeling.
SOLUTION: Now you must talk to your mom about this. If you know you love him, then you must tell her about it. She should not stop you for whoever you love....

We can't say that they are looking out for your well-being,but they are basically trying to hold on to their "precious little girl" that was once young. They knew the time would come when you would want to do things differently, thus thiy try to hold on tight! Try to make them understand that your are a responsible adult and no longer that little girl!

Answer 6

You live in your parents house. No matter how old you are, you have to obey their rules. If you want to set your own rules, get your own place. At 19 you don't really want to live with a boyfriend, or with someone who has a child. Do you have a job? If not, get one. Most areas have small studio apartments, if you look you will find somewhere that utilities are included. If you want freedom, you have to support yourself. Just so you know, no matter who you live with, there will always be house rules. Good luck. Try apartments.com or rent.com.

Answer 7

The only thing I can say is this

First of all, I f it is that bad(I've been there) then move out.
- he is your dad and all and with that comes a level of respect but it sounds like he is taking it to far. However when there is a boy envovled ge is probably just trying to protect you. yes I know, he is going about it the wrong way.

Second of before you move out IT IS ROUGH ON YOUR OWN.
Unless you have a stable job, I would wait until you do or save money.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

move in with your friend, but only if your friendship is a strong one, because being in someone elses space over long periods can put a strain on any relationship, if your boyfriend gets mad about this then he obviously thinking about himself rather than you.
as far as the parents go, do not distance yourself completely you will probably find, like i did, that you get on alot better when you are appart, your mum seems to have problems tho if she has a problem with you seeing a colored man, when you do move out try being honest with your parents, tell them about your boyfriend, they will then have no ammunition against you as you are not in there house and therefore will have to except your decisions otherwise risk driving their daughter away.

good luck!!!

Answer 9

it's ur lucky day i'm 15 and my dad lol drives trucks too and even though ur grown he is looking out for u and as far as ur bf they prlly are just scared and looking out for u but if u wanna be with him u should i'm black and i date a girl and i know her mom wouldn't approve nor would my mom but love is love but ur parents and as far as respect goes u should try hard and u know u only get 2 parents and when they're gone ain't no coming back i have sooo many friends and ppl who have made mistakes because their parents don't take the time to get right up in their face and say shut up this is my house. and i would go to them and just say i respect u but i love him and this is how it's gonna be if they don't want u there leave u have to be u while respecting them and if u change how u are for them ur gonna kill urself in the process. good luck.

Answer 10

First of all at 19 you are an adult and if you're not paying your parents rent you SHOULD be. Secondly you are living under THEIR roof, if they are footing all the bills they have a right to expect you to follow THEIR rules. If it is so bad there then get a place of your own.