How does it feel to have an affair, give up on your marriage and move in with the "other person"? I know what it feels like to be the one who was cheated on and dumped for another person. It hurts like he$$. Some days are better than others but then there are days when it is all you can think about. But, I am curious, what is it like to be on the other side? Do you feel guilty? I am not talking about relationships that are abusive - but ones where you just got bored or felt your needs were not being met. Do you sometimes miss your wife/husband and living as a family with your kids? How do you deal with the fact that you broke the hearts of your spouse and children? Does moving on so quickly with another person actually make you happy or do you just bury your feelings? I am just trying to understand the other side of this issue. Any comments?
2006-12-20 12:46:57 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been on the other end as well. But my husband came back after realizing that he loved me and that the grass was not greener on the other side. He felt guilty after awhile and I know that he missed me tremendously because we would text each other and that's the one thing he says even now.
I don't know if you are trying to get your husband back, but if you are... just be patient and try to be the "best" you that you can be. Get counseling if you need it, take care of yourself, go to church if you do that, go out with friends a bit and you'll find yourself more independent and more appealing to him in ways that probably made him fall in love with you in the first place.
If there are issues that were left unresolved in your marriage and family, he may realize that those things can be healed with TLC and counseling.
If he does come back there's a lot of hurt and forgiving doesn't come naturally or easily (nor should it be easy) but if you feel your marriage is worth a second chance, it can happen and you can be instrumental in htat.
I don't know your ages, but if your husband is in his early 40s maybe he is experiencing a midlife crisis. Many marriages do recover from that as well.
Best wishes and I know it's especially devastating during the holidays because I went through that as well.
2006-12-20 13:04:39 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once I cheated my husband because I felt my needs were not being met...I really felt miserable in my marriage and I found someone who opened up my eyes and cheered me up when I needed to feel I was worth it. At that point it was wonderful. I felt I was alive!!!! again. I had not left my house but I had a double life and I started to feel more and more miserable...until I had to make a decision. Of course I felt I was a bad person, that I was hurting someone, that it was a mistake...but it's very hard to leave the one who tells you you're wonderful to go back with the one who ignores you. I never moved on with my lover or left my kids. I ended the affair instead but it was tremendously difficult..had to see the shrink for some time and in the end, we divorced. I felt relieved...iI was being honest for the first time in years!!!. And no, there were no times and are no times now when I think of my ex as a couple...but I do miss having a "complete" family sometimes.
2006-12-20 13:04:38 · answer #2 · answered by snglmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My marriage breakdown was a bit more complicated that just an affair, we lost a baby and I lost the plot and since we couldn't deal with it together, I went elsewhere for comfort.
Unfortunately I ended up leaving my husband to be with this new man. We were never actually together before my marriage ended, but I feel as though I was.
There is not a day goes by that I don't wish I had made different choices. I miss my husband like crazy, I have never felt again what we had and I wish I had realised that then and not taken him for granted. It breaks my heart that I hurt so many people in our families. I lost 6 younger brother & sister-in-laws that I babysat for, did homework with, watched grow up, helped them thru first boyfriends etc etc. I miss being a part of that more than anything and I wish I could get it all back.
But life goes on. As much as it pains me, I have had to let it go. He isn't coming back, I'm not part of that anymore and so I have made a life for myself. Now all I am lacking is the partner to share it all with. Hopefully one day I get my second chance and I don't screw it up this time
2006-12-20 12:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by loza500 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The aim shouldn't in any respect be to leave your spouse for the guy you're having an affair with. It defies good judgment to assume that a healthful, satisfied and long-lasting relationship could strengthen if it began as an affair. That in simple terms will not ensue.
2016-12-30 17:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from being the "other woman" that I did feel guilty and ended up calling it quits. I felt so bad for his wife, she still to this day doesn't know. I had strong feelings for this guy, but I didn't want to be the reason for their divorce.
You know that old saying, "Once a cheat, always a cheat."
It will get better, just give it sometime.
2006-12-20 12:53:54 · answer #5 · answered by confused angel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i once had an affair that broke up a relationship with a boyfriend i lived with. incredible guilt, turned out the new relationship wasn't all i had hoped it to be, didn't exactly move on, in reality found myself alone and very lonely. after many years, and marrying the wrong man in life, found this ex boyfriend again, and we went back together and realized all those years ago i had made a terrible mistake by my choices years ago, what they say about karma is definitely true, what we do to others does come back to us, exactly as we dealt it out.
2006-12-20 12:59:07 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt is a major factor - yes, you miss the spouse and children you left - the relationship with the "other person" seldom works out, and a lot of times, what the person did to the marriage partner ends up having it done to them. (karma)
2006-12-20 12:52:03 · answer #7 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask my ex this question ...........its a good one...........He left us 6 yrs ago on Xmas eve for some girl he knew 3 weeks in the next state. Me and his two kids became homeless as a result. He left us and never looked back . I HATE Xmas because of him ! The two of those idiots ruined not only our family but her family as well . She had a husband and 3 kids ! I hope they are happy now ! INCIDENTLY he has already cheated on her with me!
2006-12-20 13:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my ex has tried to come back ever since me made that very mistake( the relationship lasted 6 months) it has been 18 yrs ago, sorry doesn't work that way. He will just have to deall with it, I did. I have been married to a nice man for 6 yrs now.
2006-12-20 13:03:52 · answer #9 · answered by livlafluv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never been on that side of things, but having dealt with it on other levels I can say they have a lot of hope what they did is the right thing. But they will always have to deal with a tremendous amount of guilt which will haunt them forever.
2006-12-20 12:50:03 · answer #10 · answered by Reo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋