my partner wants to have sex on Sunday night when I arrive and move in with her and of course I am going to give her what she wants its just I'm a bit worried I might accidently hurt her as she has been raped twice by the same guy (her nasty ex) and even though she says I can do whatever I would like to her I am just scared that I may make her cry with pain and thats not what I want at all....I have said that I am going to be asking her before I do alot, like before going "down on her" so I am just looking for some advice as to how I can conquer my fears of hurting her and causing her any sorts of pain..
I love her with all my heart and soul I always will and I just want to do whats best for her in the longrun.....
Ideas please everyone but dont give stupid answers as I care about her, she's all I care about and love so please be serious.
thanks
Mitch :)
ps: have a good christmas and safe new year
2006-12-20 12:19:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
it would kill me if she said she was ok and afterwards says she wasn't although she said she wouldn't ever stop me from doing what I want, its just I dred hurting her accidently, it would make me feel guttered and sick inside
2006-12-20 12:27:32 · update #1
we have both had previously bad relationships, she was raped by her ex and my ex lied and cheated on me, took me to far for granted but Laura always says she loves me and I am able to tell her ANYTHING, and I know if I have a problem I can tell her and she knows just how to make it right again
2006-12-20 12:30:47 · update #2
I would do anything to make sure she's safe and would put myself infront of her if it meant she would still be alive, I would die for her anytime, and she would die for me
2006-12-20 12:32:40 · update #3
Mitch...you seem like a totally sweet guy, and it is so refreshing that you are genuinely worried about her true feelings. There are too many guys out there, who only care about themselves! The only thing that you can really do in this situation, is trust her in what she is asking you for. The fact that you are being so very careful with her feelings, should serve to put you in a different category altogether separate from the prick that hurt her like that. Just take it easy okay? She is so lucky to have someone in her life like you!
2006-12-20 12:27:19 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mitch,
It seems apparent that you care and love this lady with all your heart. I am sorry to hear of what happened to her by her x boyfriend.
In my opinion you should talk to her about this Mitch a little more in depth. Because you fear hurting her this may make this night of what could be passion something of devastation for the both of you.
Make sure she is ready for this and not just trying to please you since your moving in. You care a lot about her and I believe from reading your post that it wouldn't matter to you if you both had a nice candlelite dinner instead that night.
Sex isn't everything so take it slow suggest that you both as I said have a candlelite dinner there, mabe cook the meal together which is very romantic by the way.
From that point Mitch take if from there... The both of you will be talking and you'll know if that is the time and what to do and not do.
I'm only saying this and suggesting this because she has been raped. A lot of times women have a hard time and do things for fear that the person they love will leave them or get disgusted for having to wait on them to fully heal from a tragic event as this.
So yes take your time I don't know if this is helping you at all I hope that it does. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend... Happy Holidays as well!!
2006-12-20 12:33:47 · answer #2 · answered by ssgtmommy01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...are you serious? Well, Mitch, my only advice for you would be to move slowly, tell her what you're doing first before you do it so she won't be unexpectly surprized and scared by anything which may make the experiance a negative one. tell her how much you love her whilst doing this, she'll feel a lot better and more comfortable, especially since she had such a bad relationship before. You sound like an awesome guy, I think she's lucky to have you. I would let her make all the moves the first time around, just to show her that you're kind and trusting of her, it will make her trust of you grow stronger. When she's ready for you, she will tell you to take over. It means she's comfortable, and just be really gentle. That's all and I hope it all works out for you. :-)
2006-12-20 12:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by sally b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mitch, first off I don't know your girlfriend, and you obviously care about her alot. But from the information you've given i.e.:
She wants to have sex Sunday
She says you can do whatever you like
She stayed with her ex after he assaulted her once
Now, I'm not telling you to act like her a**hole ex, but if you don't relax, enjoy your relationship, and take a little initiative without "asking", you may just be the "nice guy" she ends up getting bored with. It sounds like she's giving you the OK and I'm sure you're smart enough to realize when she's not comfortable with something, so try not to treat her like a china doll.
2006-12-20 12:37:59 · answer #4 · answered by Sam C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Mitch, thank you so much for caring about her as much as you do . My advice to you would be take it nice and slow and be easy with her. It isn't easy to open up after you have been betrayed by someone you know or don't know for that matter. Even though she says that you can do whatever you want to her ( I THINK THAT'S JUST HER WAY OF SAYING THAT SHE REALLY LIKES YOU AND THAT SHE TRUSTS YOU ) not to hurt her like she has been by the ex. LOVE HER AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER HURT HER SEXUALLY OR OTHER WISE. Mitch I hope this helps you and her.
2006-12-20 12:32:01 · answer #5 · answered by cherokee_love_ar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go slow and pay attention to her reactions. If you think your hurting her, stop and make sure she's ok. If she is, try something a little different. Don't be in a rush. Just be patient, and relax. She will let you know if your hurting her. Have fun.
2006-12-20 12:23:56 · answer #6 · answered by confused angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she has been raped she should be fine, rape is mainly sex against will, so she should be fine as all she has been subjected to is normal sex... just she didnt want it, might be more serious as obviously its her private life and u dont want to inform us.
just ask her the whole time if ur unsure, she will let u know if its gd or bad, and just make sure she wants u to do stuff, ask her before hand, just make sure she is realxed.
hope it all goes well mate
2006-12-20 12:24:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG i think u do love her. and thats good that u love her and care about. as long as u never leave her i think u shouldnt worry ok i bet she love u too and if she ask u then she is ready ok. just make sure u dont get carried away and dont make it seem like u dont want to do it cuz then she might think that u just want to do it cuz she asking for it. good luck.
2006-12-20 12:26:03 · answer #8 · answered by h2o :] 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all do not rush to do her romance the lady first, make sure she knows who she is with, start slow and if she says stop you stop. Good luck and Merry Christmas to you and your lady.
2006-12-20 12:26:09 · answer #9 · answered by lara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having the phrase "go down on her" and Christmas in the same message just seems extremely wrong, does it not??
2006-12-20 12:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by H2Oskier 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋