I have tried to be patient with him, his wife died 7 years ago, and I think it's about time for him to commit, he is a wonderful generous man and I love him with all of my heart, he says he loves me but has to get to know me better, I just don't understand why he won't commit, Please help
2006-12-20 10:59:49 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he treats you good, is faithful and shows you he loves you why do you need to be married? In my opinion being married isn't that big of a deal if the man is doing everything he should be doing and would be doing if you were married. If you stress it to much you could put serious strain on your relationship and loose him. Don't worry to much about it and let things just happen. When he is ready he will ask you to marry him. No sooner no later just give him a chance. Good Luck!
2006-12-20 11:06:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
1) Wife died 7 years ago and you have been together for 5 years.. so he has only had 2 years to heal??
2) If he has any brains at all, he understands that marriage is a very serious life long commitment and not to be taken lightly.
3) He says he needs more time to get to know you??
- I would think 5 years is enough time... But I would believe him..
4) It isn't your decision to make on when he should commit.. He must make that decision for himself.. You can however, decide that you do not want to wait any longer...
- An option... Commit to a Commit date... e.g. Say 1 to 1.5 years from now, you will either make the commitment or I will leave..
- Now you have something to sink your teeth (and future) into.
- good luck.
p.s. I too am widowed, it took me 9 years to get well after 28 yrs of marriage.
2006-12-20 11:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by gjm 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He had known you for five years and lives with you, how much more does he need to know about you? There is something there that is causing him not to commit, He may love you but not in love with you? He may still hold a torch for his wife that died and cannot commit to you until he comes to peace with her death, there are lots of reasons. You need to ask him point blank and tell him that you know there is something there that is causing him not to commit and you need to know. If he really cares about you, which I am sure he does then he will tell you. And if he doesn't want to get married then you need to find out if you are willing to just continue living with him or if you want to get married someday. You need to do what makes you happy, too. But you will never know unless you approach the subject in a broader way, so you can come to the heart of the matter. Good Luck!
2006-12-20 11:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by melissa_anne_maison 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only he can tell you why. Here are a few possibilities:
1) the death of his wife left him feeling that marriage is too painful to undertake again, because it is disrespectful of his deceased wife, or for some other reason;
2) the experience of being married left him feeling that marriage is not something that he wants to do again, for some reason;
3) he likes you and trusts you enough to be living together, but not enough to marry you;
4) you think it's about time for him to commit, but you never said so to him directly.
You cannot possibly know which of these is the cause (or if it's something else entirely) without asking him. Don't threaten him, don't confront him -- just one night, sit down with him and let him know how much you love him and how to feel about him. Then ask him how he feels about you, and about possibly marrying you one day.
2006-12-20 11:04:25 · answer #4 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well really there are two posiblitys for this one, posibly three.
One: he hasnt thought about it. Things are going well, no reason to rock the boat. Your living together, his needs are getting met, and he may not feel the need to have children which are a big factor in mairage.
Two: your not the kind of woman he wants to marry, sure your good enough to date, to have sex with, even to cook him dinner but marry you, make babies ect. not so much. Does he have family/social presure to marry better? marry someone diffrent?
Three: Hes really commitment phobic, making that till death do us part means death is the thing that parts you. Thats scary. Its easyer to say either its never going to end. Or your going to break up and it'll be hard but at least its not death.
If you feel this is a signifigant problem then tell him, and ask him how he could posibly know you more after five years. If he doesnt know you now he never will. If this doesnt settle things, see a relationship councelor.
2006-12-20 11:07:47 · answer #5 · answered by jinxintheworld 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How well does he need to know you? If he doesn't know you after living with you for five years he never will. The problem with living together is it is too easy. Why should he commit, you are there. An old saying is sometimes true "Why buy the milk when the cow is free". Think about it...if you are content to live with him then that's what it will be. If you want him to marry you, move out and have him start dating you.
2006-12-20 11:09:11 · answer #6 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After living with someone for 5 years, if he doesn't know you by now he never will.. I think the real issue is he is afraid because of his wife's passing. It may be deeply seeded that marriage is a slap in her face, or he may be afraid of losing you that way. Many factors could be holding him back from making that final commitment. I would suggest a real good talk with him. He sounds like a wonderful man and I wish you two all the luck.. Ignore the ignorant comments from other posters. I lost a husband I know all about the time wait and being afraid.. So the rude people above are just clueless..
2006-12-20 11:02:35 · answer #7 · answered by Issym 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is a huge commitment.....just because you get married doesnt mean your relationship will strengthen. He's had a tough time dealing with his past relationships....which is why he's holding back a little...try and be patiente or if anything ask him how he feels about the situation and to explain what he means by getting to know you better....considering you've been with him for so long. However dont do it in such a way that he feels threatened.
2006-12-20 11:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
And he won't ask you either. While buy the cow when you can get the; milk for free. He already feels like he's married without making it legal. Because if he decides to leave he can leave with a hassle. But if two were married you have to go through the legal process, etc. Why should he commit, honey when he's has everything now.
2006-12-20 11:28:02 · answer #9 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it aint broke dont fix it...whats the rush
Do you really need papers to say you are together & committed
If your that worried about it then in this day in age I don't think anyone will frown down on you if you take the inititive & buy him a ring take him out to a big fancy resturant and ask him! If he still says no then ask him why if the reason isnt good enough for then stop waisting each others time & move on.
2006-12-20 11:07:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be be very understanding at this point and at the same time making sure this is not a shield to hide from commitment. on one hand i would be scared as hell at the loss of losing another wife, and then i could like... not have feeling like that and just dont want to do the married thing with you.
2006-12-20 11:05:52 · answer #11 · answered by m.d.tate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋