Apathy
Apathy is the color of old spaghetti
It sounds like the phone’s dial tone.
It tastes like bland, spongy tofu.
It smells like dirty socks.
It looks like an impermeable shield
Apathy made him feel safe.
Apathy is a colorless liquid
It sounds like the sizzle of fire
It tastes like corrosive acid.
It smells pungent, prickling his nose.
It looks like a volcano about to explode.
Apathy couldn’t last forever.
Apathy is the color of blood.
It sounds like gunfire.
It tastes like anger and death.
It smells like a rotting corpse.
It looks like chaos and destruction.
Finally free, he emerged from the ashes.
2006-12-20 10:57:54 · 7 answers · asked by teenwriter_25 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
I like the way you have tried to personify the feeling of apathy with different senses of smell, color and looks. You have made good use of details like “phone’s dial tone” and "bland, spongy tofu" to create a simile between the monotonous and dull feelings of apathy.
But I feel that you could have used euphemism to hide the disturbing idea of death and rotting corpse or you could have replaced them with some other words. Due to this the sentence towards ending “Finally free, he emerged from the ashes” doesn’t relieve you.
But its a good poem and I encourage you to continue writing!!!
2006-12-20 11:59:45 · answer #1 · answered by holytruth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh i like this poem. i like the gradual changes in the smeel, taste, etc of apathy. and the metaphors/similes are interesting.
however, maybe try to alter the word choice? for example "dirty" is not really a strong word - i would go for "soiled" or something more visual. idk. also the line "it smells pungent, prickling his nose" isn't really parallel to the rest of the lines, but idk maybe thats what you want.
good job overall =)
2006-12-20 11:05:26 · answer #2 · answered by Tina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you mentioned "he" in 2 stanzas, I would try to incorporate him in the 2nd one as well.
What do you think?
2006-12-20 11:21:30 · answer #3 · answered by Nathan L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it~you are a good writer and have a lot of talent!
2006-12-20 11:24:15 · answer #4 · answered by ????? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel nothing for this poem, I am totally apathetic toward its content!
2006-12-20 11:16:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your poem is great. but what does that word mean.
2006-12-20 11:29:32 · answer #6 · answered by MiSS.SONAM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it. :)
2006-12-20 11:20:49 · answer #7 · answered by itsallforyou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋