Please don't judge before u begin.........I fell out of love with my husband years ago (before the affair)...the 'married' man i am having an affair with is in the same position, he no longer loves his wife (again, before the affair)....We just married the wrong people from square one....... Both my husband and my lovers husband found us out, they both behave as though nothings wrong, our marriages are one sided, by that they love 'us' but we no longer love 'them'.this makes it difficult to leave.... We have been in love for 10 years and want to be together, this is NOT a teen fairytale romance..
An insight on some peoples thoughts would be good....Thanks..(especially if anyone's been there)
2006-12-20 10:11:21 · 52 answers · asked by carla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
correction...my lovers WIFE
2006-12-20 10:12:17 · update #1
we stay with our partners i suppose out of duty...we do feel sorry for them and as soon as the water works appear we take pity...how can u leave someone when they hurt so much..... for ten years we have put their needs before ours, isn't it fair we should be happy too?
2006-12-20 10:21:47 · update #2
my husband doesnt KNOW his wife..and no he-they aren't seeing anyone..believe me he-they 'aren't'....life would be so much easier if they were!
2006-12-20 10:28:59 · update #3
Borscht......Children are involved which adds to the descisive situation.... My husband doesn't fulfill my needs, we are totally mismatched, married too young etc..my lover is my true soul mate
2006-12-20 10:51:01 · update #4
petal.....he has an attitude problem...you could say he was an emotional abuser...very critical and cruel...have tryed every thing to change him, given up hope, he's a lost cause
2006-12-20 10:55:30 · update #5
Could be they are having their own affairs. That could explain the indifference. Or maybe they are so jaded or don't care enough because they love you and accept it and do not want to lose you.
But I think you need to move on. It's obvious you do not love your husband anymore and you could be happier with someone else. It's not fair to your husband to see other people, be unfaithful, and have no love for him.
How would you feel if you were him?
Divorce sounds like an okay option in your position.
GOOD LUCk!
2006-12-20 10:16:12 · answer #1 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
preach to the choir...
You say he's the emotional abuser? Don't you think someone cheating on you, finding them cheating on you, & they're still saying they care about you & love you isn't some sort of emotional abuse? Sending them mixed signals which is abusive and not leastly, the betrayal & disrespect of adultery is emotionally abusive. Maybe he's suspected all along before he found out. Then the playing all sweet on him, too, which would be putting him thru an abusively emotional roller-coaster ride. Seems like someone in those shoes doesn't seem fit to do character assaults.
Plus saying you've been in love with someone else for 10 years, you prossibly didn't treat him very good becuz you weren't in love with him. You say he was the emotional abuser? Hmmm.
You deserve & will probably get all the best & a happily ever after! You know what type of people get ahead these days! Cheers!
2006-12-20 10:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by Nocine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
The fact that you do not love your husband anymore is the point of the issue, not the affair. It is just a shame that it got to the point where you had to go to another man. Do yourself and your husband a favour and call your marriage quits, as staying together any longer will not solve anything but prolong both your unhappiness. You both have a right to be happy! If you have young kids it is even more important to provide an stressful environment for them. If your lover truly loves you he would divorce his wife as well. However if you do go through with this then i couldn't stress to you enough the importance of making sure your children do not suffer, which means; talking to them about the situation, you and your partner acting amicable towards each other throughout the divorce, you and your husband communicating about what is going to happen regarding custody, finances etc, and your lover taking a back seat till you got things sorted.
I wish you the best of luck and happiness.
2006-12-20 12:20:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If neither your husband nor your lover's husband feel that there is anything "wrong," then where is the "wrong" feeling coming from? If they are denying the fact that you're in an affair, then you're sitting on a ticking time bomb. Assuming they are telling the truth, then you've got to ask why it bothers you. Do you have/want kids? Do you want him to be there for you more often? Maybe, there are other unspoken needs that you are hoping to get satisfied by remaining in this relationship? Your question "my husband ignores my affair" sounds like this affair is an attempt to get your husband's attention. Is there a realistic hope of getting what you need? If you know what it is, talk to him about it, and if he's not receptive, maybe my assumption is wrong, and it may be time to start making other plans. Good luck.
2006-12-20 10:39:07 · answer #4 · answered by borscht 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you really fell out of love, you should have left the marriage long ago before having an affair. Are you afraid to be alone, or do you feel so bad for your husband that you stay with him because he loves you without loving him? For as hard as it may be to make the transition, staying with someone without loving them is cruel. Don't use the new man as an excuse, or as a way to make your transition easier. If you couldn't be alone when you noticed for years that you weren't in love, why did you stay, and why would you leave now that you've found someone else? Which would have been easier for this man you claim to have taken pity on... to lose you because you weren't in love, on good terms, or to lose you to another man?
2006-12-20 10:16:26 · answer #5 · answered by Boludo 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Seems like a common story. I guess your husband does not wish to breakup the family home and is trying to consider the children, which is not helping you.
If you are unhappy and unfulfilled and can not find it with your husband AND you are absolutely sure that your 'lover' is going to grow with you and stand by you, then make sure again by writing down your needs wants and dreams, also get him to do the same. This will assist in removing assumptions. After that you may be better at making a rational decision.
Have you had a bereavement that you have not resolved within yourself ?
2006-12-20 11:04:51 · answer #6 · answered by Not too smart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong as everyone of us have our own opinion. Both of you no longer love your own spouse because both of you are keep on reminding each other that both of you are so deeply in love and soul mate stuff. Having affair is intresting at the begining but if when both of you come together, different issue will come out. There is no ending of problem. If both of you love each other so much, why not just divorced? But before you do this, can you guarantee that both of you will not regret?? Sometimes human just don't appreciated what they have now, they always thought the other people spouse is better. But no one know, coz you have to live together with this person for many years before you can say that this person is your soul mate. Nothing is forever......
2006-12-20 12:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-10 17:03:18 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be cheated on is one of the most painful things anyone can experience and it is easier to ignore it away than confront it. If you aren't happy with your husband then you need to leave. It's cruel to stay with him. He may not want you to go but I bet once the deed is done he will be relieved. It is possible that once you take the bull by the horns and go that your lover will to. Or he may stay there and have no intentions of ever leaving. It was a gamble from the get go.
2006-12-20 10:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's obviously been a nasty git to you as you say...I'd just get the hell out of there & enjoy your life with your lover...whats the point in staying anyway? it's clearly never going to go anywhere with your present hubby, you'll never be happy & the way things are now there are 4 people that aren't happy, Just call it a day, get divorced & start life with this other Guy. Let your present husband & your Lover's wife get on with their lives. You're continuing to allow your life to be controlled by a man that has only made you un-happy. Put a STOP to it.
2006-12-20 11:04:48 · answer #10 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋