I have been married for 9 months now and been with my husband for 4 yrs. His old friends wife was rude with me on the phone and in a round about way said I didn't know my husband as well as she does. She has not talked to him in 5 yrs. She holds onto the past and keeps telling me about how she had a special closeness with my husband and it was changed out of respect for me. She is married to one of his best friends and my husband said he has no idea where she got that kind of a notion. She has emailed me and said she will have her perspective and I will have mine. I told her off and said friends like that are not healthy for a marriage and that she should never speak to someones wife like that. Why is she trying to mess with me like this? What is up with the things she is saying? She knows we are newly married and trying to get pregnant. What the hell? Advice?
2006-12-20 09:24:50 · 18 answers · asked by babygrlpls 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
When people get married, friendships change. This lady does not want the married couple- single guy friendship between herself and her husband and your new husband to change. She sees you as a newcomer, an usurper to the three-way, platonic friendship.
No one should talk to a newly married woman the way she talked to you. I am happy you told your husband about this. Sometimes couple/couple friendships don't work. Who we were friends with as singles is not necessarily who we will be friends with as a married couple -- and often one of two spouses (husbands for example) are friends but the other spouses are not. Friendship cannot be forced just because one spouse is friends with another person.
Your husband might have been a close confidant to her husband, and that fellow shared these confidences with his wife -- so she assumed she was your husband's close friend too. Tell your husband to be very careful from now on sharing confidences (especially those involving your marriage) with his old male friend.
Your husband should speak to his friend about the other wife's correspondence to you and say it is not appreciated. Then I think both you and your husband should look for new friends: either couple ones you can share together or your own individual friends. That is a red flag (a warning) to you when a couple starts to interfere someway in your marriage. True friends would not do that -- they know priorities have changed and respect your privacy.
I hope this helps you. I think your husband (as a single guy) was just respectful towards his friend's wife, and she took that niceness the wrong way, thinking of him as her own close friend. I don't think she has a crush on him.
2006-12-20 11:38:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"She holds onto the past and keeps telling me about how she had a special closeness with my husband"
You could tell her he apparently got over it or learned from their special closesness definitively that whatever good points she has it wasn't going to be enough to make a family around and remain happy. Tell her that you are sorry she feels she made a mistake about who she married ... you haven't.
If it continues then....
Talk to your husband about this for advice so that you have a unified voice as a couple. If his friendship with her husband is essential then be cordial but assertive and let her know that there are subjects that you will demand stay off limits. She will listen if she knows you will not stand for it while still being polite. If the conversation is not appropriate no matter what the circumstances, it is up to you to say stop, talk about something else or end the conversation/leave until her behavior is more appropriate.
It also wouldn't hurt if your husband in your direct presence let her know that both of you value their friendship but if she insists on making THE TWO OF US uncomfortable then SHE will be the cause of ending our friendship. (Make it about her behavior impacts both of you and as a couple we make our decisions on what is best for us.)
She will either back down, the friendship ends, or she is Bi-Polar and needs a med adjustment ;)
Hope that helps
2006-12-20 10:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by Bob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who are not happy in their own marriage, tend to want to sabotage others! I say, block her from your email, and don't take her calls. She sounds bored, and if you don't give her the time of day...she will do away eventually. Good luck on having a baby! And if you let HER get to you....it isn't healthy. Delete her emails and don't let her come between you and your husband! Merry Christmas!
2006-12-20 09:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by amanda r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell the bi tch what she has between her legs wasnt good enough for your husband thats why the two of you are married tell her to take a hike and wake up from her dream tell her she said all the key words you needed to hear witch is their past PAST pass PASS tell her about the new Mrs Sherriff thats in town with the 45 magnium with one gold bullet that has her name on it E-mail her a video of you and your husband getting down lol gl just ignore her silence always kills a person because they never know what you are thinkning so dont respond to her trash mail just put it in the trash bin gl
2006-12-20 09:32:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your husband and her had such a special closeness then why is she calling you and not him?? think about that for a second. i would start by changing my phone number and tell your husband not to give it to his friend because you are tired of his wife calling, then block her from e-mailing you. if you allow her to annoy you then she will keep doing it. then i think i would also be telling my husband to call this friend and tell him to tell his wife to stop calling you and trying to cause problems. if your husband is not willing to do this and do it in front of you, then that too is something to think about. if he wont do it, tell him that your going to.if he tells you not to because it will only cause more problems again this is something to think about.
2006-12-20 09:42:28 · answer #5 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of you're overreacting. i admire how people say any little element a guy does in his mid-1940s is a mid-existence disaster. yet another poorly used capture word. truthfully you sense betrayed through fact he's chatting together with her and that i assume to no longer you. females opt to tell themselves that adult adult males don't have thoughts. it quite is yet another stereotypical pile of hogwash. you have harm his thoughts or kept away from him and due to this he's chatting together with her lots. don't be in denial approximately this. fix your relationship with him and you will no longer have a reason to mistrust him. i've got talked to previous classmates via utilising the internet, especially after type reunions. It does not propose something.
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