Should I take my fiancees last name?

Question

I just want to know your opinions on why or why not.
I am kinda on the fence about it, but if I do take his last name, I will make my current last name my second middle name. The reason why this is so important to me is because my step-father adopted me and that really means a lot to me. My last name is a symbol of that. The only problem is that this is a big deal to my fiancee.
Any way any advice you have is appreciated.
Thanks.

Answer 1

I think you should because it shows a dedication to your marriage, and proves that you want to be a part of him. You do not owe it to your stepfather for adopting you, and I am sure he would not feel slighted because you chose to take your husbands name like most women do. If for some reason you get a divorce later on, all you have to do is request your name be changed back to your maiden name on the divorce papers, and take your divorce certificate down to the SS office and apply for the name change. Its simple!

Answer 2

Try it on for size. Without officially changing your name, pretend you have done so and spend one week signing things with your new changed name (also pretend - use a separate piece of paper to sign your new name instead of the original document).
Imagine yourself in a social situation where you introduce yourself or are being introduced. Speak your new last name out loud, listen to it and feel what comes up when you hear it.
You are the one - not your father or your fiance that will live with your feelings, so they should fit YOU, not them.
Yes, it is ok to do something that pleases your fiance/husband, but only if you can truly live with it comfortably.
If you cannot get comfortable with the changed name, it will always seem a thorn in your side and bring the joy of your marriage down - for you first and for him as well since you will be very close.
If this is the case, you might tell your fiance honestly how you feel about the name change. Tell him that you love and respect him, but that you want to do the best you can to help the marriage be a joyful and successful one.
Also, another answerer brought up an issue of divorce. It really IS a hassle to go through these name changes. I don't want to suggest that your marriage won't last and that you will have to go through this, but wouldn't it be a good idea to come INTO the marriage without an added burden of discomfort?

Answer 3

Personally never been married but should I ever decide to, I will keep my last name only because I have three children who have my maiden name because I did not marry their father. Then again there are no males in my family other than my one nephew who also carries my maiden name because his mother was not married at the time of his birth. My last name is who I am and who I have been all of my life, our family is a small one and I like to see the name to get a little more play, if not only for say two more generations. My reasons are mine and yours should be yours, only suggestions should be taken here and no advice. The name is what you will have to answer to, no one else. I think the middle name that you are contemplating is appropriate and you seem to have given it some thought. God Bless.

Answer 4

That is the current custom but it is your choice. I think the second last name is(although a bit confusing) a great idea and one that a lot of celebs use too. You can honor your step father and follow the tradition at the same time. Besides Most young men look forward to having their wives take their name and while it isn't always fair to try to force a woman to change it is easier and less confusing to add his name to yours than to just keep yours as is. You might also form a closer bond with your husband if you willingly change or add his name to your.
Good luck, long life and a happy marriage to you. -Julie

Answer 5

Yes you should take his name I understand your adoption was a big deal.But finding the man u plan to spend the rest of your life with is a bigger deal, By taking his name shows love, respect and trust. It also shows he is proud of his catch.By not taking his name will leave an argument that is always waiting to start because he might be thinking hes not good enough for you to take his name.

Answer 6

i just got married for the second time. the first time i kept my name, seemed like a hassle to change it & get used to signing it. but when i got divorced all i would have had to do to change it back (legally) was check a box on one page of the stack of divorce papers...
this time, though, my husband really wanted me to change my name & so i am (just got married 4 days ago, so haven't started yet!). it does seem like a bit of a hassle, but i love him more than i need to keep this name. he thinks it shows more committment, and i think he's right. i was a little uneasy about getting married the first time and called off the wedding a few times before it came around, and almost ran away from the altar!
but this time it just seems right, & i'm hoping i'll never have to check a box on another stack of paperwork.
so go with your instincts-about the name, about the marriage...
congrats and good luck!!

Answer 7

Which do YOU want? A name is just a name. It doesn't define who you are, but if it means something to you then I think you should follow your heart. Depending on what your step-father's name is....maybe you could somehow interpret it into your children's names? Talk to your step-father. Ask him what his thoughts are on this subject. Mention giving your future children his name....I bet that would touch his heart more than anything.

P.S. If your future husband truly loves you....then he should respect your wishes.

Answer 8

I think you should take his last name. Marrige in itself is a symbol of union and taking his last name is a big part of the idea of becoming one. My mom did the same thing with using her maden name as her middle and when she is signing something she just uses the initial of her maden name as her middle. There is nothing wrong with that at all. There is alot of sentiment, and your identitiy associated with your name or at least I think so it makes sense that you don't want to just throw it away . I will probably do the same when/if I get married.

Answer 9

Yeah otherwise why should he even marry you. Its weird to wanna keep your daddies last name. After all its sort of the same thing really, a mans name. Make up your own name if you really want to be anti patriarchy.

Answer 10

I don't see the harm in taking your fiancee's last name and making your maiden name your second middle name. It honors your fiancee as your husband, and honors his request to you. Honoring each other is a beautiful way to strengthen a marriage. As a footnote, it also makes a lot of paperwork easier in the long-run.

detts - entering a marriage with divorce on your mind is not a recipe for a successful marriage.