What is so wrong about being a traditional woman?

Question

What is it some people think is so wrong with a woman marrying a man she admires and respects and submitting herself to his leadership?

The Bible tells us what marriage is regardless of what anybody else chooses to think, and I am happily married to just such a traditional woman...so I don't need a lesson in what marriage is or is supposed to be. But of course that doesn't stop other folks from making up their own rules. My question is...WHY do they think as they do?

Many strong opinions on both sides of the traditional/feminist fence...but stating your position is not the answer...the question is WHAT is wrong with a woman being a traditional woman/wife, or WHY do you think something is wrong with it?

Hmmm….it seems the board has polarized. I can’t really choose a best answer because nobody has really answered the question…though some have even gone to great lengths to answer a different question. I am forced to conclude, therefore, that there is no good reason (at least not that anybody here could come up with) for anybody to have a problem with traditional women. However, I HAVE noted that there is definitely some hostility towards traditional women from non-traditional women. One question recently posted on this board even had to ask the question: was it OK for her to be a traditional woman. As I stated in my response in that post, it is a sad day when a woman feels so down-trodden by other women because of her choice…especially when those same women make a loud noise about having the freedom to choose. It seems that, in their minds, women are only free to choose to leave their kids at home and go out and get a career. Who is doing the repressing here?

Societies work when set to certain guidelines and expectations of behavior…hence the traditional gender roles laid out in the Bible as, until recently, followed by the vast majority of the civilized world. Science has shown, not too surprisingly, that these traditional roles coincide with the natural strengths of men and women as compared to each other. We can therefore conclude that this is the best way to produce a stronger society, as a whole. But today, we have a segment of the population that bucks this system under the banner of “We should be allowed to choose what we want to do!” Basically, this equates to selfish motivations and does not have the greater good in mind. It completely ignores what is best for society as a whole, what is best for our own families, and for the future our children (who have a tendency to follow in their parents footsteps in many ways). When one disrupts these behavioral guidelines, the society becomes disrupted and weak…

which is what we see happening today. Teen abortion, pregnancy, drug use, suicide, violence…all a result of a crumbling society largely brought about by this selfishness. So, it appears that they believe they have the right to disrupt society and bring about all the ills with said disruption in the name of choosing to fulfill a role that they are less capable of (in most cases)…probably as a form of validation that they are just as good as men because they’ve been told their feminine strengths aren’t worth anything.

Obviously I am biased in my opinions, but was honestly looking for something I might have missed…some hidden, fatal issue with traditional women. I didn’t find it here.

Mcdannells – I agree…the persecution of traditional women by feminists needs to stop. The development of the “superwoman syndrome” you speak of is what happens when women think they have to “do it all” by themselves…this is a feminist social construct. But men don’t put such women down who refuse to play “wonder woman”…other women do; as if the offending women are somehow “traitors to the cause”. Three guesses as to what the cause is, and the first two don’t count.

I love squidward – Women have shown that they can do most things men can do…but in most cases, they don’t do it as well.

PrincessPink – My wife willing does as I ask her…which is not very often. She knows what to do without my asking her far more often than not. But if I did tell her to do something, she would do it…because she knows me and trusts me to have the best interests of the family at heart. It seems to me that women who have issues with listening to men have a problem with trusting them…

which is a reflection of their own trustworthiness, to be honest. Those who can’t believe a man capable of always having the best interests of his family in mind are those that are they, themselves unable to put the best interests of their family first.

M T – I’m sorry you believe that. Good men never expect their wives to be servants. You’ve been listening to too much feminist propaganda.

Mari-midian – The reality is that in most cases she takes him to court and ends up with the majority of his money and holdings. It actually works out BETTER for her if she doesn’t work, in most states. If you have a good man, odds are he will make better decisions than you as to the long-term needs of the family. But that’s a pretty big “if” should you be a feminist…they usually marry weak men they can push around. By refusing to follow the lead of a good man, you put your family at greater risk. If you have children, it equates to selfishness. Most likely you’ll deny what I’ve said is true rather than possibly have to admit you need to make a change that could bring a change in the amount of control you perceive that you have in your marriage. Have you ever thought about what it might be like when two people try to steer the same car when one person can see better than the other? It’s a good analogy, if I do say so myself.

Celery Tree – My, my…the way you twist the word. But you’ll have to study it a lot more before you can fool me. Wasting talents is not good…but there are many ways to put a talent to good use. Please read what I’ve written above concerning society and you’ll have your answer as to why women should not be placed in leadership positions, as a rule. And the only thing that makes a woman “second-class” anything is the devaluement, in her own mind, of her own worth. A woman who realized her true value understands her worth…one who does not, does not. As for what psychologists say, equal partnerships do not mean equivalent partnerships…and love is as important as respect.

I’m done here…you folks will have to choose your own best answer. Based on the amount and direction of thumbs in this post, I’d say some feminist will get the points. Merry Christmas. ;-)

PS - I thought I'd add, in case anyone cares, that I liked Bonzai Betty and Annatella's answers the best. They both seem to understand something that many here do not.

*tj* and mcdannells - religious or not, God bless both of you!

Answer 1

I think that some people misunderstand what a marriage is about and base defensive opinions on those assumptions. Not saying I know what marriage is because I'm not married, but just giving my two cents......
Some people view a marriage as an arrangement where the man goes out and makes a living and the woman is confined to the house most of the time to take care of the household activities (whatever that may entail.) Another peception is that both the man and wife earn a living but the woman is still held responsible for all the household management activities which makes the workload disproportionate and can be oppressive to the woman. In both situations, to me, there's this connotation that the woman is FORCED into the domestic roles she assumes.
What I think people forget is that submission is a choice. The woman, upon finding a partner that she admires and respects, chooses to submit herself to his leadership. So there's really nothing wrong with being a traditional woman to me.
My question is where are the traditional men? There aren't as many as there should be I believe- men who earn a substantial living and can support their family either alone or with the help of their wife, men who show appreciation for their wife's choice to submit to them and respect their opinions and concerns, and, in the case of dual-income marriages, men who understand that "domestic" duties must be equally divided amongst the two instead of entirely up to the woman. In my experience I have yet to see a man who meets all qualifications.......

Answer 2

If you want to play the religious card...

Some people believe that God has created women with talents, abilities, and often tremendous potential to make a contribution to mankind. Some people believe that wasting those abilities and intellect would be a sin.

Just a note too: There are many times when a woman could be far more intelligent than a husband, and many people believe that whoever is the most capable at any particular task is the one who ought to be in charge of it.

Sure - you're little Bible arrangement is something you're pretty happy with just as a lot of Muslim people are delighted to oppress women and refuse to acknowledge their right to live life on their own terms. People who don't run their life by some book that one religious bunch or another goes by have decided to reason out what would seem to be right in the eyes of any God, and those people have generally decided that God probably didn't create human potential to waste 50% of it.

With regard to leadership: There are many, many, women who are far more capable leaders than many, many husbands are. Why should an extremely brilliant, capable, woman be led by someone else who may or may not be as brilliant and capable. Sometimes women are superior to men when it comes to knowing how to run a family, and what a dissserve it would be to a family to let it be run by the person with less skill. Some people believe that God would want the most capable person to run the family because that would give the family the best chance of success.

What's wrong with it is it makes the woman less than she has the potential to be, and it essentially makes her a second-class human. After all, if someone isn't of equal "leadership" role it does make them second-class.

Many people believe that taking from someone else's existence and life and relegating them to a second-class status is a waste, a crime, and a sin.

Most psychologists would tell you that the healthiest relationship between adults is one in which there is an equal partnership and equal respect for one another.

Answer 3

I think there is nothing wrong with that. There are so many guys out there who are so slow and many times pathetic (sorry to say) that I would much rather have a leading guy with a firm pulse to lead things on. I could not agree with him all the time but in the long run I guess that a guy who stands behind the woman and likes to be guided is much more of a challenge to a woman's patience than a leading man. To submit can be a choice and it can demand more strength and maturity than being foolish and trying to compete for power with your partner for the pleasure of it only. Both men and women feel rewarded on being in a relationship where they can express their masculinity and feminility freely. I believe man and woman complete each other better than were made to compete with each other to see who leads. If the love is true and the respect is present, the leadership will be kind and the submission will be a pleasure, both when it is man submitting to a wifes wish or vice-versa.
What spoils marriage these days is too much competition for powers. Both want to be the one who bosses the other one around and features such as patience, kindness and giving are undervalued.
But nowadays I am cautious with this issue. My ex husband used to say he would love to have a house wife and he wouldnt mind providing, etc. but he has humiliated me a lot for being one and he felt explored on having to provide for me. It is a tricky issue.
Some guys would like to have a house wife, or dependent woman, but not many can pay the price when it comes to being all the man she will need.

Answer 4

Well, the way I see it.......prepare for a long answer, my friend.

I think most women like to submit, but only to the men they trust. I don't think any woman should submit to someone who will treat her like dirt (I'm sure you'll feel the same). If a woman wants to submit to her much-loved and trusted husband, she should feel free to do so, and in no way does it take away value from her life.

But the evil feminists think she shouldn't have that choice.

You see, feminazis who never knew a good home do not like the "family" choice that women have, and that's the kind of crowd that feminism manages to reel in.

Quote feminist icon Simone de Beauvoir: "No woman should be authorized to stay at home to raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such choice, too many women will make that one."

That's a statement from a feminist that should speak for itself. Scared, chronically offended, insecure, bitter and jealous beyond the bounds of logic. And that's what feminism seems to be all about. Bitterness, envy and contempt for those not like-minded. And too much power and influence mixed with a massive collective victim complex.

Also, take Helen Gurley Brown, one of the first wave fems, the editor of Cosmopolitan. In 1965, she declared that a housewife was "a parasite, a dependent, a scrounger, a sponger or a bum." That is, if you were dependent on a man, you were less than human (but in her earlier years then, according to this article (http://www.savethemales.ca/130103.html), she was mistress to her married boss. Hypocrite (and whore)!)

Answer 5

OK,I'll bite.What's so wrong about being a traditional woman?!
No seriously though,I believe some men may have misinterpreted what it means to be the head of the household.
Now that old"king of the castle"thing is cool.I mean the king had people doing his every biding.Cooking his meals washing his dirty clothes and all such as that.But I believe that was because a king was exhausted from defending the castle and protecting his subjects.
It seems some men wanted all the benefits of being the king without the effort it takes to gain the respect.In my community we called them"pimps"
Anyway,as we men learn more about women and how to be a 'traditional man',some women are starting to come around.
If you get a chance,listen to Bonnie Raitt's song entitled'Love Me Like a Man'
good men are coming back in style again! (At lease in some circles.)

Answer 6

This must be a new trend on Yahoo answers; I think you are about the fourth person who has said this. Others have though in different words.
In my house that is the way that it goes, and even though I am Muslim I am American, and American woman on the whole usually raise cane at these issues; be submissive indeed, why I'll show you submission.
I do not believe in submission, yet I believe in obedience. I believe in acceptance and I have accepted the fact my hubby is the leader.
I believe there is a fine lined difference between obedience and submission.
A woman who is obedient is more than willing from the get go to do as she is told.
A submissive woman on the other hand has had to have the crap kicked out of her before she finally decides she'd better do as she is told to do or else.
My hubby though he is the leader considers me as his partner, he just has the last say so.
Independent? Yes I am. I still use my brain for what it was meant for and that is to think. If I disagree on something I will speak my mind. If I have something to say I will say it. What am I a dust rag that is hung on the hook until I can be used again?

Answer 7

Fishman, contrary to what you think feminists are not opposed to "traditional" women. as long as it's a choice your wife has made and not an expectation that you have and she be manipulated or otherwise had to adjust her own personality and opinion to fit in with you. That would be tantamount to psycological abuse.

But please don't preach that this is how women should "all" be. Just because we are born female doesn't automatically make us have to "submitt" to anyone, or a male born take on a leader role.

We are all individuals and nobody should atler their personality to fit in with pre conceived gender roles.

You have stated so many times that woman are pre programmed to being the child carer and nurturer, yet you seem to have neglected the whole social preconditioning and manipulation of what are real gender differences to fit in with a patriachal society.

Studies have been done on many tribal cultures in which those "biological" gender roles have been reversed. In some of these studdies tribes of men did the child care while the woman hunted and gathered.

It's far more complicated that just biology and as I have already stated in another post today, each and every one of us has elements of feminine AND masculine traits. And that includes you! You cannot pigeon hole people. It shows great ignorance.

Answer 8

I agree with you too. Not all women want to be single and independent. I'm married and I do admire and respect my husband. He admires and respects me too, and while I do look to him for leadership, he also discusses things with me and asks my opinion. Some women think that to submit to a man's leadership means that they're losing their own life, but I think that's a little selfish. After all, marriage is a give and take thing, like most relationships. I wonder how many thumbs down I'm gonna get for this answer!!

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with that if you are a member of one of the monotheistic religions. (Judaism, Christianity, Islam etc.) Some people have no respect for what others believe in so they will quickly try to pick apart their personal decisions. Men and women compliment each other, they are not the same, on the contrary a woman makes up for what a man lacks and visa versa.

Answer 10

I would see nothing wrong with a woman CHOOSING to do what you are asking about. If she is aware of the fact that it is a choice she can make, and no ill will come to her if she chooses not to be "traditional", that is fine. I don't think a woman should be forced into the "traditional role of a woman"(and using "You don't love me if you don't do this" is a form of forcing her, because you are trying to use her emotions to coerce her into it).