Young man 22 married with highschool sweet heart and a 4 your old son?

Question

We were together for 5yrs to the day when we got married. We've been married for 7months now and sex is comming to a skreeching halt. We were both very sexually active and now she seems disinterested for no apperent reason.She knows I love her because i remind her everyday, usually with words, and emotions. We have each never been with anybody else, we haven't gained weight, we both work hard but not THAT hard, and i take care of everything 50/50. That includes our son, home, bills, cleaning, and cooking. Now recently since we got married we went from having sex 5+ times a week to 5 times a month. When it first started it was a UTI, which i understand and didn't push the subject untill it was totally clear. Now, when i ask her why she doesn't want to as often, she says it's because she's tired. I think we are both way too young for this to already be happing to our marriage, and i don't want us to sink into this hole. By they way i am ALWAYS concerned about her needs, especially in bed

Also, we have tired new things. I've bought toys and lotions but all before we got married. Now we don't use them at all, but that is fine with me, she really is all i need. The purpose of us buying those things, in my mind, was to make sure she stayed interested. She is a very beautiful person, inside and out, and i know she knows i think so. She has really nothing to be depressed about except usual things like money and time, but not to the extent that she wouldn't want sex. I think it is me, but i don't understand why. I have no plans on leaving her, i just want things to be better.

If anyone is the boring and predictable one between us it's her, and she would admit to that herself.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are a very caring person and she and your son are lucky to have you. There are numerous reasons a woman loses interest in sex, and this can not be solved in a few sentences online. I recommend family counseling, talk to her about it. If she won't go, make the appointment and go yourself. Make it clear that your doing this to save the marriage. Invite her and keep inviting her.

You talk about her complaining that she is tired. That could be symptomatic of any number of things. I recommend ruling out any medical issues with a thorough physical exam, then work together on eating healthfully and getting phsyical exercise. Again, if she won't it's up to you to set the pace and do it for yourself. A good therapist will help to rule out or treat depression. Also with a 4 year old son at home, child care is constant and demanding. I suggest that you try some date nights, once a week, if you can arrange it, hire a babysitter and you and your wife go have some fun, R&R, whatever you both mutually healthfully enjoy doing.

Men and women operate differently and it might help to understand women in general better. I recommend reading the "Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus" series, especially "Venus and Mars in the Bedroom"

I also recommend that you do some Soul searching as to whether or not this lack of sex is a "deal breaker" for you. It's possible that she is just being herself and the sex is not going to get better. You can't make her be something she isn't. If her interest in sex doesn't pick up, you need to decide whether or not you are willing to live with the situation the way it is for the long term.


I hope these ideas are helpful. Best wishes

Answer 2

Being married is an equal partnership and you both have to meet in the middle. Have you ever told her that sex is a major issue for you and you would like to have sex at least twice a week? If she says that she still too tired why dont you send your son to your inlaws house once a week and plan a romantic evening with her and have date night. Maybe she will enjoy it better that way since she knows that you want more than sex you want to satisfy her completely. During your date cook a meal for 2, massage her back and feet, make sure drinks plenty of wine and handle your business after that! Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I think you should go but that's only because I feel so sorry for your poor wife and child. I mean, let's see -it's been 23 years since you saw this sweetheart so that makes you at least 37 years old. You're willing to leave your family for someone who out of the blue contacted you and she's dumb enough to say, 'Hey, I think it's a good idea for you to dump your wife and child for me!' You've got a screw loose but she may also have a screw loose and together you may have a pair. That's enough reason for anyone to abandon wife and child, don't' you think? Or at the very least see a mental health professional pronto.

Answer 4

Well you are in a pickle, i am sorry for you, she could be in a 5 year slump, she may wish she had been with few more guys, i know is would, it is hard to guess what is going on in someone elses mind, esecially if they won't talk to you about it.
once you have tried everything you can think of. i would go the a couples therapy or some private therapy for her. do something as sex should be more than a few time a month unless you are in your 80's

Answer 5

Well kind of the same situation minus the kid, My husband and I have been together 7 years and married 3 months. I understand what she is going through. Sometimes you need a Vacation from life and reality. Its easy to get overwhelmed with life and responsibilities. Sometimes you get stuck in a rut and maybe even stressed out. Here's what you do. Get a baby sitter, get some wine, get your CD player with the CD that has your song on it, take her out to the place you had your first date, then take her somewhere quiet and dance with her under the stars. Tell her how much you love her. Spend lots of time cuddling and talk to her about your future together. Tell her you know somethings been bothering her and that she can talk to you about it. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

It's not just her needs in bed. She don't like you anymore. She's bored with you. You have to find a way to stimulate her outside of the bedroom. The quickest way to a woman's panties is through the stimulation of her brain. This goes for wives as well. Stop being boring and predictable. Look how much you wrote because you can't get your own wife to have sex with you. dude.

Answer 7

There could be more to this than being tired. Sit her down and find out if she is still happy. Find out what you could do to help bring the fire back because you really want to feel closer to her. If it keeps going on and she's nonresponsive to your questions recommend couple's therapy. Tell her you are in this for the long haul and it's important that your needs are met as well as her needs and you are willing to do anything to make her happy. If she refuses to communicate or do therapy there might not be much more you can do but walk away.

Answer 8

Have you thought about changin' things up in the bedroom? You guys have been together for awhile, and sometimes that makes sex lose its luster. Try communicating with her about your needs and see what she says. She may understand where you are coming from and take pitty on ya! Good luck.

Answer 9

There is someone else in the picture that you don't know about, people just don't change that much all of a sudden. You say neither of you haven't been with someone else , I think you better do some checking around, I think your wife has someone on the side that is filling her sexual needs,

Answer 10

yes sex should never be on the back burner for to long try some romance or bring her home some flowers tell her she look sexy and let her make the first move.sometime if you try to act stand offish a women turns on the charm we all want what we think we cant have