What do I do about a funeral problem? Serious answers only?

Question

My wife has a sister who is a sister by marriage. They are close but not real close. She is the daughter of the man her mother married after her father died. That sisters mother died suddenly. There are two parts to the funeral arrangements. One part is in the evening after one of my work days, the other is at a time that makes my going difficult and would make me very late for the next days work. I explained this, speaking only in facts and that I could possibly go in late and then stay late and not take in monetary losses but that is asking alot of the boss. He is a very nice guy and I dont like to push him too much. She then got upset and told me to 'do whatever you want to' then hung up. A loaded question to be sure. I want to be there for her but money has been very tight and I am not sure that is the right answer to the question. What do you think?

Answer 1

You know, my husband is the head of household over me, and his final answer is his authority, and as his wife, he holds the responsibility with the family. You can choose of choices that are right for you and your wife!
The rest of the family is just going have to accept your final answer of being authority of your wife!
That means money, and the way you are living, and if you hurt anyone feelings, to tough for them!
You are trying your best to make a living and take care of your family, and just do what is the best interest of your family!
This leadership that you hold as a husband is very important and that the importance of your family interest, and the emotional welfare of your wife!
Her sister either have to do what she can, and needs to be in authority with her own husband, and if she does not like what you and your wife's plans with the funeral business, that's just life!
If my husband was in your shoes, he would do what is best interest of the family, control the environment of where and when his family are involved in this situation, and basically, he would tell the sister, My word is my final answer, any questioning of my wife, you see me first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That where he holds the responsibility while the wife is so vulnerable to almost anything during griveness over a death of a love one!!!!!!!!!!!
It is a mess, but sometimes the husband has to be the big a##hole, to make what matters to him as a factor; and the stress is taken off the wife, while she is not emotionally able to make decisions on the matter!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Well, first remember that her mother just died. She's bound to be distraught and more than a little sensitive right now. It doesn’t matter if you were right or wrong. Let her off the hook for getting upset and hanging up on you. If your wife is going to both the wake (or visitation) the night before and the funeral, I would say that your family will be represented & you shouldn’t feel compelled to attend. Having said that, I think you should make an effort to at least attend the wake. By your writing, it didn’t look like that part would be too difficult.

Answer 3

OK, your wife is being petty I agree. And she should be a bit more willing to talk this out in a more adult way. But what she is saying by her behavior is "I'm not as important as your job".

So, you can hear her and go, asking "much" of your boss this time, realizing it's importnant to your wife and relationship or you can go on to work, keep that part of you life intact and allow your wife to feel second best, perhaps not for the first time.

Being the wife I have to say I would have been more understanding if I had been her but I do understand how she feels. Just remember that if you do go, stay close to her and do it with a smile. Be supportive. That's why she wants you there in the first place.

Answer 4

You indicated in the formulation of your question that you would not be penalized monetarily for attending the funeral if you go in late and then stay late. That is your answer. You do not have a problem. If your boss does not appreciate that a member of your wife's family has passed away and that you are willing to come in early and stay late fof the time you are taking off to attend services, then you do not want to work there. Your commitment and vows to your wife are eternal....do you really think that company has an eternal commitment to you? Your wife comes first...period

Answer 5

I think right now your wife needs you more than she needs the money in the bank. If she has asked you to attend with her then go and dont worry about the money. You say your boss is a nice guy so just tell him that there is a funeral in the family and that you need to be there. Always remember that family should come first.

Answer 6

forget about the money being in the picture. no matter how much it will hurt your budget, you will bounce back from it. making family angry over the death of someone who is very close is something very hard to bounce back from. small situations like this can often split family members apart simply because it is so stressful and painfull to deal with as it is. if i were you i would do what it takes to get to that funeral. be late for work, kiss the bosses butt later. make up for the loss of pay later somehow. find ways to cut corners or something. whatever you do, makesure you make your decision based on family and not on money. you can make more money later but you can't always make that same effort come through in making up to family members.

Answer 7

Not a conversation for the phone. Talk to her about it in person so she can see the sincerity on your face. Who's more important right now, your wife or your boss? Doubt you'll get in a lot of trouble with your boss if you choose family in this situation. Especially if you do whatever you can to make up the work.

Answer 8

Perhaps you could find an alternative that would please everybody - go to work but make sure your wife attends, then send some flowers (or make a donation to a charity in your wife's stepsister's father name) to her to let her know you care.

Dropping by to see how she's doing (bringing a casserole with you, perhaps) would also be appreciated, perhaps much more than simply attending the funeral!

Good luck. It sounds like a complicated situation, and I hope you all get through it as best as possible.

Answer 9

Sometimes people who have lost a dear family can react without thinking. Due to the situation, you can forgive. However if your wife feel obliged to go because of some still connection in there, you might have to find a way for her to be able to go. If going becomes very impossible,you may be able to give to charity on behalf of the departed person. I knew one whose donation went to a children's hospital and a certificate was mailed to the family and it was in honor of their departed love one. It was a sweet, thoughtful and memorable gesture that this family treasured in years to come.

Answer 10

Go ahead and speak with your boss. You definitely sound to be dependable at work, and your boss should work with you if you haven't abused his "goodness" in the past. Funerals are very emotional for some people and it sounds like your wife needs you. Remember we should work to support our life, work should not be our life.