Me and my hubby are temporarily staying with my in laws to save money for a house, they are always making plans for us. For example, recently, they invited us to go out on a boat (at night) and since we have a newborn, we declined because it is way too cold, etc. We did not want to go. They went out and found us a babysitter...it was a girl we knew, however, we already told them we did not want to go.....since they went through that much trouble to get a babysitter, it looks like we have to go! What should we tell my in-laws? Is this upsetting to anyone else or am I over reacting????
2006-12-20 08:25:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
That's why adults generally have their own households. Your in-laws are the adults of the household and are therefore treating you like the children you are not. You should probably set some ground rules so that it will not continue and get out of hand. Remember -- give and take.
2006-12-20 08:35:45 · answer #1 · answered by shanb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you did not want to go you should have said that instead of using the other story of it being too cold and what they did was become parents again and try to solve your problems which they did successfully. In the future make your boundaries clear and there is no room for any misunderstandings, hurts or confusion about plans or desires for you and your husband. I would not go based on obligation but you and your spouse agree it would be a wonderful way to spend time away from the baby and maybe enjoy your in-laws as well. However, if you outright told them you did not want to go and they instead made plans then that was intrusive and disrespectful to your request of no. Make boundaries clear, it is safe for everyone. Let them know honestly and not be obligated or manipulated by the fact that you are living in their home. They may love the company but they must respect you as adults living in their home.
2006-12-20 16:37:45 · answer #2 · answered by Monique H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sincerely do not mean to sound rude but if you and your husband want to act like children by moving into his parents house and living off of them so you can save money, then expect to be treated as children. You are residing in their house and they are doing you and your husband a favor by allowing you to live under their roof and giving you the opportunity to save money to start a life of your own instead of insisting that your family (being you and your husband and your child) to whatever it takes to make it on your own.
I do not expect that you should do everything that they ask or that she control your life but giving them the respect of going out for a night with them is not out of the question and is not unreasonable.
Perhaps you and your husband should contemplate that at least one of your should take a 2nd job at night in order to increase the amount of money you have coming in. A 2nd part-time job for the Christmas season at a retailer would also be a great way to bring in money.
Additionally, you should try being honest with your in-laws and instead of beating around the bush, tell them when you do not want to be involved in their plans, but when they offer to include you in their plans, think long and hard about what they are doing for you before you decline.
2006-12-20 17:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by angihorn2006 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So they like your company and it sounds like you all get along but moving in with them does not mean you need a Mom and Dad to watch over you again. Just be very honest with them and tell them in a casual way that "you love being at home and want to enjoy it while you can". They sound terrific and they probably will understand, maybe they feel obligated to include you all the time.
2006-12-20 16:37:00 · answer #4 · answered by Conrey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a question~ is this a special event? how important is this? does this occur often? You are in a very difficult situation. I stayed with my in-laws on a temp basis as well, (sucks, all around)~You need to basically say, thank you for letting us stay here, but, we have a life too, however difficult this may be, it has to be done, the sooner the better! Good Luck Hun!!
2006-12-20 16:38:55 · answer #5 · answered by alicia o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is not over reacting at all. I have the same in law trouble. My mother in law is just like that she goes out of her way to do things for me even though i dont ask her to or want her too. I dont think it matters that you live with her she's going to do it even if you move in a different town. I live 2 hours away from my inlaws. ok just like my truck payment was a little late. Its christmas and money is tight. I have not told her. I dont know how she found out. I made arrangements with the bank to pay it on friday no big deal. She went up to the bank and made 2 of our truck payments for us. It helped us but its like i didnt ask her. Then we had cell phones when we moved up here no big deal we can use those to call people she took it upon herself to get us a house phone without telling me or asking me if i want it. she's always telling me what to do with my son. she told me that because her son wich is my husband is an only child i should only have one child and she made arrangements for me to get my tubes tide. She kept trying to make it my idea until eventually i finally agreed not wanting to upset her so now i'm 22 years old and have one kid cant ever have anymore all cause i let her control my life. My wedding day my parents dont have a lot of money and dont really help me out all that much i was pregnant when i got married instead of me picking out my wedding dress she picked out the one she wanted she called and told the hairdresser to fix my hair a certain way she paid for the wedding she decided what the cake was going to look like and pretty much everything else the only thing i had a say in was I DO and the color of the wedding and who my maid of honor was i was only allowed one person to stand next to me. So i could go on and on and on. My best advice to you is TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.......... Tell her that as much as you appreciate all her help and advice that unless you ask her to get you a babysitter or make plans for you guys and talk with you about it first then to not do it. She wont get upset. please dont let your mother in law take over you life like mine does me
2006-12-20 16:38:13 · answer #6 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
next time they offer and you dont want to go just tell them no that you just need some alone time to bond as a new family if they love having you there they will understand
2006-12-20 16:30:33 · answer #7 · answered by hallowsevenight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to get out now and get your own place.
2006-12-20 16:45:21 · answer #8 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋