i broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years we have a 3 year old daughter together. when i left him in june i told him to make sure he be there for our daughter but he hasn't. he always say he's coming to get her and don't come. i only see him when he's giving me a $80 child suppport check other than that he doesn't see her, but when he do come see her one day he will wait another 4-6 weeks to call or come see her. do u think it will be wrong of me to tell him she don't need to go with u or talk to u because ur only hurting her not helping her so i would rather for him to stay away because when he wait for so long to come see her she says my daddy don't even come see me. but i have been dating someone else and he is constantly spending time with her not just financial but emotional so do u think i will be wrong to tell her dad to stay back until he get hisself together.
2006-12-20 08:04:03 · 14 answers · asked by lovergirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I would say tell him how you feel, but don't tell him he can't see his daughter. Even if he only sees her once a year, some interaction is better than none. Plus it will allow her to see him for who he is. You ask him what type of father he wants to be to her, how does he want her to see him? Then ask him to think about that the next time he decides to disappear or cancel on her.
Because at the end of the day, it will be his actions that construct her opinion.
And whatever you do, never bad mouth him in front of her. She has to develop her own conclusion. It's not fair to her to dislike him just because you do.
2006-12-20 08:24:33 · answer #1 · answered by majones83 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, do not follow advise that states that you need to take this to court. The court is not looking out for your daughter's welfare. The courts try to reach a reasonable solution for the best interest of the child and sometimes the courts do not know what is best for a child, especially when they do not know the child. True and all, the father has a legal right to see his child, even if he is or isn't paying child support but your child also has the right to have her feelings respected. At three years old, her mind is developing and she's creating attachments. If the other gentleman that you are dating isn't someone that you see a long term relationship with, you should keep him away from your daughter. I say this because your daughter already has one failure in her life (Daddy). She doesn't need Mommies boyfriend to become a failure for her as well. If you continue to reassure your daughter and put positive influences in her life, this will help her become a secure woman. Do not worry about Daddy being in and out of her life, your daughter will be fine with the right guidance and support from you. You cannot make a man be a Daddy that chooses not to be. Your most valued support comes from God. He will guide your to make the right choices for your child.
2006-12-20 08:29:49 · answer #2 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Another thing you can do is stop telling your daughter that he is coming to get her, don' t get her dressed until you actually see him at your front door and after you make sure he is coming to pick her up. It sounds like he is being spiteful to you but he is so ignorant he isn't taking the time to realize that it is hurting your child. You said he is paying child support, take his checks, say thank you and close the door (don't be rude) get back to your daily life. Your child's father will have to answer for his behavior in the future, don't speak negatively about him around your child, let her form her own opinion. If your current boyfriend is there for her, that is also good. But I am a little concerned you said you just broke up with your child's father in June, it is only December, how well do you know your new boyfriend to trust him around your child ? I just don't want it to turn into one of those situations where you are constantly bringing different men in her life, it is unsafe and not to mention irresponsible. If this is someone you've known for a long time, make sure that you have discussed how important your child is and that you guys are on the same page with the direction of this relationship. good luck/
2006-12-20 08:12:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. You need to seek professional help. You and your ex should be talking to a counselor about what's best for your daughter and not yahoo.
2. You are dating this new guy, not marrying him. Don't let that little girl think this is her replacement Daddy.
3. You have NO right to stop the father from seeing his daughter. You need to make him see her more not less.
2006-12-20 08:08:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a really tough choice to have to make. I know that feeling.
My 14 year old's father is the same way with him. But I receive no kind of support from him of any kind. I think that it would be a good idea if you sat down with your ex's and tell him exactly how you are feeling. Be sure that your daughter is not present at this conversation. Try to remind her that her father loves her even though he is not there. It's hard to do but it will be better in the long run.
2006-12-20 08:18:16 · answer #5 · answered by Boogerbum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would...... He's only hurting your daughter. Do what is best for your daughter. If he reallllly wanted to be with her then he would take the time and come see her. The fact that she's noticing it is SAAAD.
I'm glad my baby daddy can be a jerk.......... my daughter don't even care to see him. But best of all she already has good male role models in life and that is what you need to encourage. Try to talk to her and tell her.. daddy is a very busy guy but he really loves her. I know it sucks that you have to make excuses for him, but that's what mommys are for. Mommy's are there to make boo boo's all better.
2006-12-20 08:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by Destinee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that he is not reliable. and your daughter is not old enough to understands what's going on, so. unfortunately, you have to do the best to protect her. Never speak badly about her father and don't tell her if he promises to show up since for the most part he does not. when she grows up she will face the truth of who he is. In the mean time spend time and create a strong bond between the two of you and your new boyfriend, since it has a positive stabling influence, Do the best you can, you don't need to shut him out completely, but obviously don't count on him whatsoever. Maybe one day he will grow up, but for now , he is who he is. You are a great mom, and that for now, will have to be enough for your child, Good Luck.
2006-12-20 08:11:18 · answer #7 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely pursue taking him to court for mandated child support. They can withdraw it from his check and you can have it deposited right into your checking account. As far as visitation, I would make a note of every visit and call that he makes to his daughter, no matter how few and far between they may be. Then if he ever thinks about taking you to court for visitation, you can prove that his track record is unreliable and you'll have the upper hand. I know this isn't easy, but you'll get through it. God bless and have a Merry Christmas!
2006-12-20 08:10:40 · answer #8 · answered by huskygirl74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to act stupid fine, but don't punish your daughter. I would continue to let her daddy see her. He is probably treating her that way to get back or you, or in hopes of hurting you. I would let him come whenever he wants. Eventually your daughter will say something to him and maybe he will wake up (if he cares anything about her). As far as your new man, I think that's good that he's in her life.
2006-12-20 08:11:20 · answer #9 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have no business keeping her Father from her. She will grow up to resent you for it! Not only that it's illegal! It's to bad his actions hurt her, but that's life and she will be hurt many more times in her life. Be grateful he pay his support and leave the rest alone.
2006-12-20 08:12:04 · answer #10 · answered by wish I were 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋