ok so we have tried counseling we have tried being apart we have tried almost everything...however he says that he doenst want to lose me yet continues his controlling ways...i think ive given him enough chances....so now what do i leave or do i continue to try to get him to change???????????
2006-12-20 07:59:48 · 31 answers · asked by busy_softball_mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Remember this; a Leopard doesn't change its spots. It sounds like you certianly have given it the ultimate effort in to resolve your conflicts. Maybe you should just try to stay neutral and stay out of his way. I believe that you have to live for yourself and not let anyone control your fate. You should start having interests outside your circle, perhaps new hobbies, friends, events that do not and I repeat, do not include him. Maybe he'll start to realize that you are a person of quality and deserve every bit of consideration that you desire. I know that you wake up every day with that "pit" in your stomach; it know, I know....it's the voice of experince talking. This is when you have to dig deeper and do more for yourself........best of luck, you'll do great!!!!!
2006-12-20 08:11:20 · answer #1 · answered by perrygreenwich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see that you have given it your all! Most people don't even go that far, although you are a lot like me. I can tell that you don't just give up. Keep in mind that you have put your 100% effort into this. Now it's time for you to except that he is not going to change. A man with such control issues will not give up. You need to either except him for who he is, or decide that you do not want to live your life this way forever. Leave, and move on. It won't be easy, but don't ever let a man take control over your life. Good luck.... :)
2006-12-20 16:07:48 · answer #2 · answered by Emily :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to realize the old "IF...THEN.." contract... which I'm hoping his counselor discussed with him...."IF you continue your controlling ways with her.....THEN you may loose her." If he doesn't see that, and if you have done all you can, and you cannot continue in this lifestyle, then hon, bail. Life if tooooooo short, and there are just toooooo many great men who have been in similar situations who are looking for a neat lady. Marriage is trust, respect, admiration and passion..... One of these, (trust, say) won't keep it going. You could try another counselor, or get a new life......so, three options: 1. keep trying, 2. put up with it 3. leave.
2006-12-20 16:14:09 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience...I have done all the above as well...professional counseling, pastorial counseling...leaving.... staying, and after 8 years of it I finally walked out for the last time. We were together for 16 years...it still saddens me that we could not work it out, but in all honesty I am alot less miserable. My son said to me one day, "Dad, it seems the more you two try the worse it gets..." He was so right. Whatever decision made, it has to be yours.I wish you the best.
2006-12-20 16:43:40 · answer #4 · answered by Rudy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My byfriend was the same way. after 2 years, we actually broke up for about 3 months. it was the hardedt thing ive ever done. But after that 3 months, he completely changed and weve been together for another 2 years. If youve tried that. Tell him straight off, "If you do not change, im leaving and i may not come back" if he takes that chance, maybe hell come crawling back later. Im sorry you have to go through this.
2006-12-20 16:04:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
trying to make someone change just wont work I'm sure in your heart you know what you want but its always hard doing something that may be difficult. it does sound like your tried everything but if you love him go that extra mile for him,may be you could learn to live with his ways if not your better off in the long run leaving him. i do hope you work things out either way and wish you the best of luck xx
2006-12-20 16:07:07 · answer #6 · answered by upyafartpipe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your full situation, but I'd say continue counselling on your own, contact a lawyer/legal aid and get out - by using the term 'controlling', I'm suspecting abusive behaviour. Work on helping and healing yourself.
Good luck.
2006-12-20 16:06:30 · answer #7 · answered by Aphrael_Danae 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change someone the other person has to want to change. I personally don't believe in divorce but if all else has failed then maybe its time to. If you have poured your heart and soul into the relationship and you've fought for the relationship with every ounce of you and you just can't take it anymore then leave him. controlling people are the hardest people to leave cause your worried what he might do to you or himself.
2006-12-20 16:45:50 · answer #8 · answered by valerie_lynn82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, you cannot make someone change, only see your point of view and hopefully, the error of ones ways. if you love hims and really want to try to work it out, keep up the counselling and don't give up. if you feel this relationship is detrimental to you physical or emotional well being, get out now while you can.
2006-12-20 16:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by Terry M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counseling is usually the last stop on the way to brak up town.
Best of luck . I was heartbroken for a year after I divorced my ex wife. but now 6 years later I know it was the best thing that ever happened to me,
2006-12-20 16:02:35 · answer #10 · answered by fighterace26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋