and my 3 year old their grandchild. This year we were supposed to be going to their house christmas eve as my 2 older girls are going to their dads house christmas day from 12 noon until 9pm...I just received a call from my mother in law saying christmas is now going to be christmas day at 3pm....They also have another son and he has a step son and they would never dream of doing something if he wasn't there.... I am sat here crying and I have no idea why.....I just feel so hurt.....My parents live in england so its not like the girls can go somewhere else with us christmas eve and all they have been talking about is how much fun they are going to have on christmas eve at the party.....I feel like just calling and telling them we can't go until we have all the kids with us...as we are a family and we do things together not just one girl....but am i just being bitchy and reacting.....i dunno....please help....
2006-12-20 07:26:06 · 28 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In laws are just being inconsiderate, you should do what you know what will make you and your children comfortable, talk to your husband about this too, he needs to know how you feel, I sense that you hae a really hard time with them on a regular basis, I usually go and vent on www.ihatemyinlaws.com, you can get excellent advice from others who go through the inlaw problems too, good luck :)
2006-12-20 08:14:17 · answer #1 · answered by Summer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should speak up to your in-laws. They may not realize how hurt you or your girls are by the change of plans. Even if they do realize it, there's no point in picking a fight about it - you won't come out of it looking good no matter what you do. Either way, don't let their ignorance or their pettiness (whichever it is) get in the way of your girls enjoying their holidays.
When you talk to your in-laws, you could suggest a small get-together on Christmas Eve so your girls will still have a chance to see them. That way it looks like you are making the effort, and the ball is in their court.
If that doesn't work - have your own party on Christmas Eve with your own family. Have them help you decorate sugar cookies to take to the party they can't go to, since they'll be at their dad's. Or make little ornaments to give to the people they were looking forward to seeing at the party.
I have a 9 year old that I share with her dad, too. As much as we bicker about who gets her when, I always tell her that she is lucky to have so many people that want to spend time with her, that not many kids have that problem. Her face just lights up every time she hears it. Good luck!
2006-12-20 08:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for husband to step up. Your girls come with you as part of the deal. Hubby needs to explain to mom and dad that all appearance is that this change was done specifically to prevent the girls attendance.
If that is the case shame on them, if not they need to fix it.
I am in complete agreement with another post here that you should stay home Christmas Eve and invite the parents over as their evening has opened up. Then on Christmas stay home and enjoy the quiet with just the young one.
It would be significant insult to the girls to send them to dad's and attend the party. Don't do it unless the girls come up with this solution on their own.
As a matter of fact, maybe it would be a good idea to sit down and discuss the situation with the girls. Include them in your decision making and solicit their input. You may be surprised that this is not such a big problem for them. If you want to insure that the girls understand their importance in your life, nothing will instill it more than asking them for their opinion. Try not to color the conversation with your attitude and let them sort it out. Let them know that scheduling functions is difficult and will prevent some from attendance. Then leave it at that.
This whole thing may be more a reflection of your not feeling included than it does to the girls.
Get the girls involved and teach them how to solve problems at the same time.
2006-12-20 07:54:22 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have Christmas at your house and don't worry about your in-laws; just tell them you're not available on Christmas Day as you are spending the day at home with your family. It's not fair to young children to drag them all over so they can see all the relations; let the relatives come to you. You do not have to play their games; just make your plans and stick to them. Since Christmas is a family occasion, your family (your husband and children) comes first.
Make Christmas Eve special by watching a video and having popcorn and hot chocolate. It can still be a party, just smaller than what the girls envisioned.
2006-12-20 07:31:27 · answer #4 · answered by Roberta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest to your husband about him talking to his parents about this problem. How do his parents act toward the girls the rest of the year? Either ask the girls' dad to trade days, or have the party at your house. Invite the in-laws over, invite the brother over. Just never let the girls know you suspect that your in-laws don't want to include them or are snubbing them.
No, you aren't being bitchy or overreacting. You are a mother and the natural thing for a mother to do is protect her children from EVERYTHING, even wicked stepgrandparents.
I hope yall have a very merry Christmas!!
2006-12-20 07:53:53 · answer #5 · answered by texienana47 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of being an adult and a family is doing holiday's your way on your terms. Tell them that this year the scheduling to too difficult and you have decided to say home and have your own Christmas as a family on Christmas Eve and they are welcome to come over if they want. Tell the MIL that if they choose not to join your family, you will stop by at 10am so all the kids can see their grandma, assuming the two older girls even care, of if they don't you will stop by with the 3 year old on the way home say 1pm. DO CHRISTMAS ON YOUR TERMS FOR ONCE.
2006-12-20 07:36:57 · answer #6 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and have a nice chat with your husband about the situation. Tell him everything. You may even choose to have your own family Christmas Traditions. Make that known to your in-laws.
If the in-laws change the date then that is there problem. Go on and enjoy the holidays with hubby and children! Make the most of it.
Don't cry sweetie.... Don't let anyone steal your joy...for any reason. Hold your head up and smile!!! :o)
2006-12-20 08:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Porter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, yes -you need to have some control here. Broken families are just that-broken. This is why we need to do everything in our power to hold the family together. We battle this every year, and not just at Christmas. We have to make rules that everyone can live with and follow them-the parents are not the only ones frustrated by all this mix-up. The poor children usually have no say at all. Its probably too late this year to fix, -but-you can use this mess to show everyone how and why we must all help out in the Christmas shuffle game we are unfortunately forced to play. We must make rules-then everyone must abide!
2006-12-20 07:53:34 · answer #8 · answered by DATA DROID 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You aren't being bitchy and I don't blame you for feeling this way.
Explain your feelings to your in-laws and tell them that your 2 girls were very excited about seeing them and spending Christmas with them. Ask if they would change it back to Christmas Eve or to another day when you can all be there.
I hope all goes well for you and your family.
2006-12-20 07:42:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband about it. He shoud handle the issue with his parents - not you. Perhaps they are not aware of your situation with the kids? Do they have grave reasons to move their party at such a short of a notice? Don't get too upset over it, but talk to your husband, express your concerns to him, and see what his take is on that. If it's a recurring problem, then I'm sure it had come up before, and will come up again; he needs to establish a policy with his parents on how you act as a family. If it's a single occurence - find out the reasons, perhaps it's best to just go with it, and explain to your kids that everyone is very sorry, but it had to go down this way. Good luck.
2006-12-20 07:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you a bit! Did they have a good reason for rescheduling the party or did they just decide to do it? Tell them that due to the fact that you had already planned to come over and the girls will be gone, that you will be bringing the girls over as origionally planned and that you and your husband will also attend the next day. Tell them the girls were looking forward to it and that you hate to disappoint them this close to Christmas. If they don't like it, don't go at all!!!!
2006-12-20 07:29:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋