doing a little shopping. While my wife went into a store I sat on a bench outside. My wife caught me taking a look at a young lady and boy am I in trouble now. My wife totally freaked out. I am sleeping on the couch and she is saying we are over and I ruined our family I got slapped in the face too! I don't know what to do. My wife is very jealous and for no reason. Every single day she asks if I am cheating or if I would ever cheat and I she watches me like a hawk so how would I have time to cheat anyways. She always thinks I am up to no good.Crazy thing is I am never up to no good. Sometimes I take a look, but that is it. I have never cheated, flirted or even talk to other women if I can avoid it- its just not my nature. Her worries are totally unfounded.
This issue about me being caught last night, I have basically been denying it and will to my grave. I just keep insisting that I may have been looking in a particular direction but did not check anyone out. This is just nuts!
2006-12-20 07:12:49 · 65 answers · asked by Alex C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is nothing wrong with looking, you are not dead nor blind. Your wife needs to realize that it is perfectly fine and acceptable for you to look as long as you do not touch. I am well aware there is beautiful women all around and I would be a liar to say otherwise, my man is more then welcome to look. Beauty regardless of what your looking at, may it be in the form of a car, a piece of art work, or a women it is perfectly fine to admire it. You need to reassure your wife that she is beautiful and that you only want to be with her. But you are not dead nor blind and you have eyes to admire beauty in everything.
2006-12-20 07:16:11 · answer #1 · answered by Issym 5 · 7⤊ 1⤋
"You can look but cant touch" is the general rule. It's normally human to look at people we find interesting in some way. This is why we have supermodels. The rules doesnt mean gawk at someone until your tongue falls on the floor. "Ruining the family" seems to be highly exaggerated on her part (along with the face slap). It's not like you stripped her naked and had sex in some closet or dark corner of the mall.
My question is if this whole jealousy thing went on before you were married? If so, then you should have forseen this would be happening often. She obviously has some deep seeded trust issues. Has she been married before? Maybe someone in her past burned her badly?
No one cannot say they haven't looked at someone else while with their significant other. If they do insist that then I would imagine that they were wearing some type of horse blinder.
Questioning her if shes looked at other men is up to you...lol.
If all else fails, take her to the Greg Behrendt or Maury show and do a lie detector test to shut her up.
2006-12-20 07:51:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is nuts, and I have been through the same thing! What you need to do is grow a "pair" and tell her that you are only human and that you have to look to appreciate what you have at home. Now, also tell her that if she can't live with that , you are going to leave her silly ***, and that you are not living with a jealous woman. It may seem hard, but do it my friend, or just give up on ever being happy. Its better to be happy once in a while and alone, than miserable always and together!! G
2006-12-20 07:40:50 · answer #3 · answered by hog rock 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So your wife can be spontaneous, likes to shop, returned an item she decided she didn't like, showers, and talks with someone she knows from work when she runs into them. Gee, she must be cheating. Are you serious? Not one thing you said sounded like she is having an affair. If she is angry at you, it is because your being a total jerk. What do you think shes doing? Holding hands with him while they get matching hairstyles? Hooking up on the chair in the shoe store when the employee is getting her size? You are an idiot, and I can only hope your a troll. Your wife deserves better. She deserves a real man who trusts her, isn't jealous, isn't paranoid, and doesn't tell her to "get home".
2016-05-23 01:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women who are that jealous and controlling drive me nuts. Men look without even thinking, but it doesn't mean anything but that we looked. Being in a marriage like that will wear a guy out! I have been there and thank God I am out of it. I have a wife now that understands. She just laughs at me. My suggestion would be to tell her she is going to have to either learn to trust you and understand the insinct to LOOK and trust that you are doing nothing else, or this marriage can't work anymore. This is no different than a man controlling a woman. If a guy does this, he is a pig. Women get by with it by blaming their actions on the man. It is BS and we have to stand up for ourselves.
One other thing, it might be the WAY you looked. If you are one of those guys that looks at a girl and you head spins all the way around, that is a bit over board. But it doen't sound like that is the case.
I feel for you man.....best of luck!
2006-12-20 07:25:57 · answer #5 · answered by PDH 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Time for you to check out of that relationship for awhile, until she gets some counseling. She has major trust issues that must be dealt with for your marriage to stay together.
If this isn't dealt with, it will only get worse and you will grow to resent her. And then you turn over a new leaf and say "Well, if I'm going to be ACCUSED of cheating, I may as well." At least then she'd have something to complain about.
It is often said "you don't know what you got til it's gone." It's true, and maybe it's time your wife is shown that.
She says you are over--then leave, see what happens. She also has some control issue over the relationship.
How much longer can you live like this? Are you going to make yourself a hermit so you NEVER come in contact or sight of ANY female?
That's what you will have to do if you don't take action NOW.
2006-12-20 07:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by moniquebell 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Men look. Women look. Big whoop.
Geezus what a life - tiptoeing around on eggshells so Her Majesty the Cheating Accuser won't pitch another fit.
What can you do? Tell her to go p i s s up a rope. I wouldn't tolerate such ridiculous behavior.
First, those most worried about cheating are often *guilty* of it themselves. Or at least thinking about it constantly.
I honestly woudl tell her, "Look - this is a deal breaker. Looking does not equal cheating. I will sleep in our bed and if you slap me again for looking or accuse me of cheating, we're through and I will press charges of spousal abuse."
It just seems like she is so totally insecure that there is a deeper issue.
Ah who am I kidding? Don't waste your time. Dump her controlling insecure sorry a s s right now. Seriously. I would simply end it based on irreconciable views of what constitutes cheating, and looking isn't cheating.
2006-12-20 07:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your wife needs therapy but I know what you are talking about...I have a very jealous husband and I'm like you...not in my nature.
It's totally natural to look. I'm sure she has peeked at a hot guy but she will never admit that...maybe not even to herself.
It's possible that something is in her past that makes her worried about your fidelity, i.e. child of divorce, been cheated on, etc. Like I said...she needs therapy. Ask her to go to marriage counseling with you. You may need to say it's to help you so she'll go but she needs an 3rd person/non-involved party to tell her she is a bit controlling and that she is in fact the one ruining the family.
Good luck
2006-12-20 10:11:07 · answer #8 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'll admit, I get a little jealous, but not enough to make my husband sleep on the couch, usually not even enough to bring it up. I think that's overboard. As someone who does get jealous when most people wouldn't, my jealousy is insecurity. Is she happy with herself? Does she think she's physically unattractive? You can tell by the way she acts at other times if you don't feel like asking her. Does she take forever to get dressed because she doesn't think she looks good in anything? Is she trying to lose weight? Does she spend a lot of time/money "fixing" herself (like primping in the mirror, money at a salon, etc.). Does she avoid foods that she thinks will make her fat? Does she dress "frumpy" or in baggy clothes? Women who do this often do so to hide themselves because they don't feel that they look good in anything that shows the shapes of their bodies. Do you guys still have "romance"? Try to make her feel special, it will do wonders for her self-esteem, and she probably won't be so jealous.
Also, did her dad cheat on her mom? brothers on their wives? has she been cheated on several times? Another thing to consider that contradicts all of this. People are often suspicious of others because of their own knowledge of themselves. SOME jealous people are that way because THEY are the ones that can't be trusted. Chew on that one.
2006-12-20 07:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats so hard to answer cause i would have been pissed as well! Well first of all no woamn is jalous for no reason right off the back maybe she is insecure or maybe you gave her a reason to get started with the whole jalousy thing, either way talk to her & figure out what her needs are if you really care, which I assume you do since you posted this question....I hope you guys will work things out & not fight over christmas. Marriage & love is a hard piece of work so don't give up and quit for the sake of true love & family!
I wish you the very best!
2006-12-20 07:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by $D*Da*Spoild*1$ 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My fiance and I check other people out all the time. I have seen him looking at other girls before and made a joke out of it. We have even competed to see which one of us could get members of the opposite sex to check us out the most. Your wife obviously has trust issues. You can't have a fun, loving relationship without trust first. There is nothing wrong with looking! It's human nature to recognize beauty and want to look at it. That doesn't automatically mean you are wanting to take the woman home and have an affair with her. I strongly suggest couple's therapy or counseling in order for her to learn how to trust you. Or else you are going to be miserable forever!!! Someone worrying you to death and questioning every move you make is going to drive you TO cheat rather than not to! Definitely seek some marriage counseling so she can learn that you are trustworthy,
2006-12-20 07:19:23 · answer #11 · answered by CarolinaGirl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋