Why do men who have affairs stay with their wives?

Question

I have a friend who I suppose is bored and unhappy, but would never willingly separate or divorce . He doesn't want to get back into the dating scene and put himself out there so he fools around instead. Isn't it better to be free to to date and fool around freely without the worry of getting caught and dealing with the pain and suffering they bring upon himself and his wife, not to mention the risk of pregnancy. I know for sure he doesn't always use a condom. Do you think he really wants to get caught so he is forced to finally get out of his bad marriage? what do you guys think???

Answer 1

If he leaves his wife, who is going to do all the cooking and cleaning.? Sure can't expect the girlfriend to do it. She's too busy giving happy endings.

Answer 2

People engage in extramarital affairs for all sorts of reasons. I can't judge you or your husband. I can also tell you that in my marriage there was a lot of that that went on. My wife started and I discovered her affairs after the 3rd man emerged. There were probably more. But at that point I believed and am now convinced, that my marriage was over many years ago before more recent events. Ordinary people who would never be unfaithful can find themselves doing this because of a lack of love in the marriage, or the lack of affection, not enough sex, or abysmally bad sex; or there are stresses such as alcohol, severe mental illness (something my wife is afflicted with), drug abuse, money woes, etc. As an in-court mediator I deal with a great deal of marital issues. Over 50 percent of the marriages I've seen involved infidelity whether be it by husband or wife or both. Simply put, there may be a great deal of remorse. But actions speak louder than words. So I suppose its possible he may cheat in the future. Maybe not. If the marriage is tolerable, if the circumstances are tolerable ... or better, he probably won't cheat again. I will say that most men will try and stay in the marriage even if its horrid. Most divorce filers are women.

Answer 3

Men go back to their wives for many reasons; some cheat just too see how far they can get before there wives notice, others suddenly realize that the wife will get 1/2 of everything. That usually draws them up short. They also go home at night and even if his mistress is the most wonderful thing in the world, he will sit and look at his his wife in the kitchen, his kids doing homework, and has a daughter who is pregnant. If he leaves now he will never see the grandchild and never be the king of his castle again

As far as telling his wife about his cheating. I heard they really do shoot the messenger who carries bad news. Believe me she already knows in her heart

Answer 4

The reason that people cheat is because they are getting something that they are missing at home. physically or emotionally. He may not want to leave because of the cost of a divorce and/or if their are kids involved.

At this point he is a grown man and is going to do what he wants to do regardless, so the best advice you can give him is to practice safe sex whenever he strays because a pregnancy outside of the marriage or an STD will add to his problems ten fold than if he were just to simply get caught up .(which he probably will sooner than later.)

Believe me if he wanted to get caught by his wife, he would have found a way to do so by now. Being caught in an affair to end a bad marriage is kind of cowardly as opposed to communicating with his wife to see if she is willing improve upon whatever it is he is missing at home causing him to stray in the 1st place.

Answer 5

Men as well as women cheat because they are not completely satisfied in their marriage or relationship. No one that is sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally satisfied cheats that simple. He stays with his wife because she is the "comfort" zone. People often don't think of the effects their actions will have upon others. How do you know for sure he does not always use a condom have you been one of his "flings"? Dating later in life is hard it seems most "older" {being over 30} are usually already married, bitter against the opposite sex, or gay its not as easy as it was when you were in your 20s believe me Ive been in the dating scene not to long ago. If he gets caught what makes you think his wife will leave she may already know but is also scared to get out of the marriage for reason we have not discussed such as the money she is use to will no longer be there, the kids, and so forth so she may just be tolerating it until the kids are grown.

Answer 6

Guilt and the "convenience" a wife often provides. They may want someone else, but the wives are handy. Plus, wives, at least some of them, take care of their husbands very well, which they might not get from something on the side (laundry, cooking, etc.).

Answer 7

It is very possible that he wants to get caught; although, his behavior is dangerous and risky, and that of his partners also sounds risky. It is also likely that he fears divorce due to the financial backlash it could cause. Sounds like he has conflicting desires: wanting to be out of the marriage and also wanting his needs fulfilled, which his marriage is not doing. I think he needs to tell his wife that he is bored and unhappy and fix the situation, or get out of the marriage so he can get on with his life.

Answer 8

His wife doesn't give it up or gives it up with conditions. He is taking care of his needs and staying in the marriage for the kids. That is why man fools around and stays married. Or she is rich...lol

Answer 9

Some jerkwods get a thrill out of not getting caught. Also, they wont divorce because then they would have to explain to thier family that they are completely selfish and ignorant.

Answer 10

I am guessing that he wants the security of marriage and the flavor of fooling around. He gets to have the best of both worlds which one day will catch up to him...........it always does. Then he will be single, paying childsupport and all alone. Fate is such a wonderful thing!