Horrible marriage?

Question

My husband and I have been married seven years. When we got married we were more alike but since then I have gotten a more high profile job and work in the city. He's still a country boy and has no ambition to do more than he does. Now I feel so frustrated cause we never talk, no sex, usually don't even sleep in the same bed and we don't even get along at all. I find myself speaking to him as he is a child. We have a 10 yr old son and he loves his father and I don't want to leave him. I am torn between waiting till our son is 18 or going ahead and leave the marriage now. I'm not happy and don't see how anyone can be in our house. No matter what I say to him he does not seem to be understanding how serious this has gotten. Help!

Answer 1

If both of you have an income that will support your spending habits I would not worry too much about the level at which each of you are. The important thing with your profession is that you enjoy what you do. Miserable on the job, miserable at home.

I also am a country boy married to a city girl. We are 41 and 39. We laugh at each other all the time. She has a High Profile job and I do not. Neither is lazy and we both contribute to our obligations. You didn't mention this.

Communication is the key to any relationship. It is impossible to have a healthy marrige without it. Each of you must do your part in the talking and listening area of your relationship.

As for the other areas of your question, no sex, not sleeping in the same bed and not getting along at all, well I would be wondering if that were being done elsewhere. It was in my case.

My advice to you would be this. Make an appointment with a good Christian Counselor, let him(your husband) know who, what time and where and insist that he make the appointment. If he doesn't show, well, you have your answer.

I am not for divorce, but God is not up there with his foot ready to trample you. He knows what you are going thru, and he cares.

Life does go on after divorce, I am living proof of that. Then again a good counselor can help resolve these issues if he is willing to participate.

Most times we feeel the need to stay in something for our children. What I have seen is that the children see what is going on and they tend to fall into the same type of relationship because they think it is NORMAL. When in fact it is not. Children will fare far better seeing you happy.

Hope he shows for the appointment. Good Luck it can work.

Answer 2

Okay, this is the way I see it.

By all means, never ever stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children. Why? because an unhappy situation between the parents always effects the child -- whether its directly or indirectly.

Its too bad our legal system is so screwed up -- they really can make divorces difficult and long processes However, when you are unhappy in a marriage, divorce is the best option because you are getting out of a legal bind and its more honest then being infaithful.

If you want to get a divorce, then do so. If you stay in the marriage for the child's sake, then this may come back to haunt you in the long run.

Also, if you and your husband have simply grown apart (this is what it sounds like) then remaining in the marriage will do harm to the both of you emotionally because no ones making a effort to keep it going -- keep in mind this isn't a bad thing.

I hope what I've said makes sense.

Answer 3

Mmmm Yeahh .. very hard situation .. That happen with my parents and my mom did stayed with my dad even if nothing ever happen between them for more then 10 years , they still live in the same house, divorced and unhappy, she would have moved long ago if she could, but some circumstances stoped her. I told them long time ago like this : I would rather see u happy with someone else then unhappy together !
If u think staying with him will be better for u r child, its 50% sure that he will be happy this way , because the pressure in the house and u r relation with him will affect u r child as well .. he will learn that its normal this way and latter he will act like.
If u think that going apart will affect u r child , yeah that's also 50% but then u will be happyer and able to offer u r child all u r love and his father will always stay his father no matter what . I hope the best for u ..

Answer 4

I think that you both still love each other and the problem is that you can't take being away from him. You see when two people are living together for a period of time they seem to get to know each other so well and have grown so accustom to their good and bad habits and the fact that you are a part it's making it very difficult for one to function without the other. Sex!!! The most important thing that keeps a marriage going. It gives you the sense of security and makes you feel loved again. Personally I think the two of you should reunite and try again. If not for yourself for your son's sake but if you are unhappy in that instance then it will never work. Try an see how things work Out!!!

Answer 5

Just my opinion, if things are that bad at home, you aren't doing your son any favors by staying with your husband. Kids are smart and perceptive and the know where there is a problem between their parents. You might be doing more emotional harm to him by staying than you would if you were to divorce your husband and move on with your life.

Be that as it may, you owe it to both your husband and your son to try counseling first. Don't make a rash judgment that you might later regret. I suggest you talk to your husband and tell him you want to go see a professional marriage counselor in an effort to save your marriage. If he refuses, then you have your answer and it will be time to move on to something better for all three of you.

Best of luck and Merry Christmas!

Answer 6

Some people are happy the way they are, and do not have the ambition others do. That is not a fault!

I'm going to make an unpopular suggestion. Stay together, if you can stand it. I'm a child of divorce, and I have neices and nephews who are growing up with divorced parents. It sucks! Oh, they'll adapt, but it still sucks, even if the parents have a good post-divorce relationship.

I do however recommend that you do whatever you can to get your husband to go to some couples counseling to air out your issues.

Answer 7

Jenn,
Take your prestige and throw it out the window and what do you have? You have left him behind and you wonder why there is no common ground. Get real, you have a ten year old son between the two of you, who do you think you'll hurt? Not him (husband), yes your son (is that what you want?) is going to take the hardship and it won't be pretty. When your son is eighteen take your city girl and go but not until then. You have responsibilities and society hasn't allowed you a way out even though people think it should. Hope you don't cop out on your son!

Answer 8

It feels like you have got 2 separate disorders. His mendacity. Definitely have to cross counseling for that... that is a dealbreaker for me. Your Need to Be over controlling. SO WHAT if he wishes to take categories to develop his profession. In the top it'll be greater for either one of you. Or are you involved he is not rather taking the categories and exams like he says he's? He must speak about stuff like this, however you sound such as you could have reacted very negatively had he performed so. Just my opinion. I am guessing that he's treating you badly in different approaches than the activity stuff and mendacity is like i stated a no-cross with me. However, I do feel you're improper to invite him to select among you and a good paying activity. You knew what he was once going into whilst you married him.

Answer 9

Your not alone!! I just posted almost the same thing.Im married for 13yrs--3 kids--You put it as best as it could be.I lost all connection with my wife.When we 1st got married we were the best of friends.It just seems like we have drifted apart.I thought i would spend the rest of my life with her,but now there is no conversation-we pass each other in the hall and like look the other way--its terrible--the bad thing is that the kids suffer.What you can try is leaving him a note when you leave for work,to meet for drinks or coffee and see if you can rekindle any lost love.I wish you the best in your future with your husband--take care--By the way--please--never blame yourself--

Answer 10

your the one who has changed not him, he is still the same person. sometimes in life we do change, and want different things from life, is there any way you can seek therapy, because just because u have changed, it is really not a reason for divorce. your now seeking a more ambitious man, but divorcing this one really doesn't guarantee u will find the one u seek. we all have unrealistic expectations, if your not happy, doesn't mean he isn't. try some more, maybe u and he just aren't on the same page, with the things u want from life, and sometimes this is a cause to move on if u feel frustrated and feel u aren't for filled.