I am a recently married woman that has her bestfriend still wanting to be attached to the hip what do I do?
Best friend wont give me space?
I was recenlt married in October and ever since I got married my best friend has been getting bent out of shape. Things have been busy for me and my husband we are in a new house we moved in a week before we got married and we are comfortable staying home spending our nights after work together doing nothing. My best friend will call me and want me to go shopping with her. I have worked all day and don't really feel like shopping. When I tell her know she will call me the next day and ask agian. I agian will say no I like to shop on the weekends when I have the energy and the money. She gets upset with me and says we never hang out and she knew this would happen when we got married. and gets all deppressred about it. We see each other once a week and I feel that is enough. I love her to death like I said she is my best-friend but sometimes lately for the last few months she has been driving me crazy and I dont want to hurt her. She right now is single and feels that she needs me.
Additional Details
34 minutes ago
Do you think i am wrong for this. I know alot of my problem is I have sesonal effective disorder so I am depressed in the winter and don't feel like doing much at all. The only peron I really enjoy to do alot of things with is my husband. We have been together for 6 years married only a few months. I really don't want to be a bad friend I just can't do it.
15 hours ago
just one more thing I would like to add I don't really think she is lonely she has several men that she is dating. That is another part of the reason I think things are kinda off between us. She plays games with these guys one week she really likes the one and then the next day she doesn't meanwhile she is still seeing the guy she has been seeing for 2 years that treats her like crap. Its just non stop drama and I am the one that always has to listen to it. I am not complaining thats what friends do but sometimes I will admit it gets to me
2006-12-20 06:05:25 · 9 answers · asked by BabyDolll128 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
honey, she is lonely. but....that's not your problem. (it wasn't ever your problem even before you got married) and there is no way for you to not hurt her, just hurt her less. just be her friend, but remember your husband is your priority. i had friends like that. they never understood the whole making your man number 1. the "chicks before *****" is the motto is great when you are single, but doesn't work when you have a real relationship. personally, i go to bed with my husband everynight. it is my goal to always go to bed with him with the both of us cuddling. i do have a few friends that stand by through the test of time. no matter what, we always stay friends despite what is going on with our lives. if we don't see or talk to each other for months on end...no big deal. we pick up where we left off.
she's being left behind. and no one really wants that. it will pass in time. she'll get used to it. once she gets involved in her own real relationship she'll ease up a bit. and you are giving her 1 day a week. if she calls a little too much...don't pick up the phone right away. call her back in two days.
2006-12-20 06:25:34 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me once I married. My relationship with my best friend changed, but not because I wanted it to. I was always asking if she wanted to go to dinner or have drinks; She and her husband were the first couple my husband and I entertained as a couple, yet she's never invited us to their place or has asked for us to get together and hang out.
Yes, your life has changed. It's not as if you aren't trying to make the time to hang out with her. Maybe she's feeling a little insecure or jealous. If she's your best friend, then she already knows about you disorder. Also, maybe you've just grown apart; you're in a serious, committed relationship and she can't figure out how to have one. Sometimes a major change brings your differences into focus. It doesn't mean that you can't be friends, it just means that you have different priorities.
You can't change how she's reacting to your marriage. Maybe you can set up a day and time that is exclusively for the two of you, and stick to it. It just sounds to me that your marriage reminds her of where she isn't in life. She has to be accountable and make her life what she wants it to be, and only she can do that.
2006-12-20 06:18:07 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since she is your best friend you should be able to explain to her (like you did here to us) what is going on in your life. What is she going to do when you and your husband decide to have children and you have even less time to devote to her? I agree with you that 1 day a week is plenty to see her. I am lucky if I get the time to see and hang out with my best friend every couple of months (we both lead busy lives and just don't have the time) but we both know that we are there for each other whenever we need one another. If she does not understand then really what kind of best friend is she?
2006-12-20 06:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by Mystic 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had this same exact problem with my friend. I was single for quite some time and we would hang out every single weekend. Then I met someone and of course since there is only 2 weekend nights I wanted to spend at least one of them with him. She would do the same thing like calling every single weekend to make plans knowing that I would want to spend time with him as well. If I invited him out with us that would piss her off too. Back then I juggled things to make everyone happy but over the years I came to realize that she did that out of nothing but jealousy. As soon as she found a bf she was gone. In 4 yrs I hung out with her like 5 times and it was ALWAYS when her bf had plans with the guys. I learned my lesson. Do what makes you happy and if she cant realize that you need time with your husband and she shouldn't be putting all this stress on you then you dont need her in your life. Come on, its common sense....when your single you have more time for friends and when you are in a relationship you need to take some time away from friends to devote to the relationship. There are still only 24 hrs in a day and 7 days a week. If she doesn't get that then its her damn problem.
2006-12-20 06:19:27 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand where you're coming from!!! And you aren't wrong about it, either. Prior to meeting my now husband (we've been married a year), I used to get together with one particular girlfriend almost 4 times a week. We did everywhere together from dancing at clubs to playing pool to dinner and movies. But when I met my hubby and we started going out a lot, I could tell my friend was instantly put off by it. When we got engaged, I think she was shocked because prior to him, I had never committed to any relationship before. I actually think she was counting on me to break up with him before the wedding. Well, at our wedding she was sad because reality had set in - this was really happening.
First off, HANG IN THERE! Explain to your friend that your hubby is your top priority now and maybe make a point to get together with her once a month - at the most. Unfortunately, my friend wasn't understanding. She ripped on the idea of marriage whenever I did try to get together with her and it really turned me off and got me upset. I now only email with her.
The main problem is that I'm 28 and she's 32 -her being older then me and still single really bothers her but she makes absolutely no effort to meet men.
What your friend MUST realize is that your hubby is your life now and he takes the leading role. It's selfish of her to expect you to still spend the same amount of time with her that you did before.
Good luck :)
2006-12-20 06:18:02 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she is being selfish. Your number one priority is your life with your husband.
She is lonely and misses the things you two used to do but she should also be happy for you and the things that have happened in your life. A true friend would step aside and let you enjoy and build on your new life.
Spending time with her once a week is plenty. She needs to move on with her life.
2006-12-20 06:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by Alexandra 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She basically omit's you! Its no longer basically like the reliable previous days once you may desire to pass out and have exciting and not undertaking approximately getting residing house to the hubbie. Make a night for her as you mentioned you probably did/do as quickly as each and every week. Do what she desires to do and make a night out of it. tell her which you have new accountability as a spouse and could desire to at residing house after paintings to spend time with him and un wind from paintings. If shes your appropriate chum i think of she would be able to understand. Have short conversations together with her on the telephone nightly, invite her over for dinner with all 3 of you. i comprehend its no longer ordinary to juggle a chum and a lover on an analogous time I easily have been there and performed that. at last they only learn how to recover from it! reliable success!
2016-10-05 13:25:11 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to understand, that your married now and that your first priority is to your husband. And she needs to realize that you need to devote yourself to your husband, not saying that you and her can't hang out, but she needs to respect your wishes and that you want to be with your husband and spend time with him.
Hope that this helps.
2006-12-20 06:11:59 · answer #8 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
if she's your best friend then you need to make time for her before you lose her. friends are important...who's gonna be there for you when you and your husband get into fights? don't replace her, it's wrong.
2006-12-20 06:10:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋