If your parents knew were they supportive? Or did they degrade you and told you to get over it?
I knew a victim who's mom degraded her, destroyed her esteem and told her it's all her fault, told her that's no excuse to fail school, told her to get over it already even after 7 months.
Thoughts opinions on this?
2006-12-20 05:59:06 · 15 answers · asked by Snorty 1 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Your friends mom sounds like mine, and oh yeah my old lady roped in my sister to boot. You should have heard them; all their whining about how I put them to shame, I could go on and on. To make a long story short I have absolutely nothing to do with them. When a person goes through a crises they should be able to turn to their family I did and look what happened and oh yeah I need to mention my old Lady's crude Chasity belt jokes.
Her mom like mine and sister is sick.
As her friend stand by her as right now she needs you. For me I figured that if my family went against me the whole world did; believe me that is a hard road to travel and I did it on my own.
So please do all you can for her.
It takes a long time to get over rape, my mom and sister only know of one time, my sister set me up to raped a second time, and I was raped at school, they don't know about that one. That would've given them more excuses.
My opinion is the same as before her mom is sick, but I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that she is probably having a hard time accepting it. Mine like I said before couldn't wait to start telling the chasity belt jokes and how she should've chained me to the bed and locked the door, installed a cat flap and put bars on the windows.
2006-12-20 07:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is so messed up I never personally told my mother but she had an idea and was always really supportive of me. I mean if your parents don't have your back why would you expect anyone else too. I don't know about other rape victims but I for one already felt really guilty and blamed myself so I can't even begin to imagine how horrible that must have felt for her. I think her mothers reaction will leave a deeper scar than the rape ever could.
2006-12-20 10:04:32 · answer #2 · answered by babeejazzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, some of the men answering this question obviously "don't get it", when it comes to rape. (So far, the women who answered definitely "got it" as well as quite a few of the men as well). Instead of taking responsibility and trying to do something to educate other men about the sadistic torture that occurs on a regular basis to young boys and girls, as well as women and men, these men try to minimize your pain and the pain of other rape victims by focusing on the "statistics". A couple of the answerer's are definitely mentally ill, to think that rape is a "joke" or that anyone "deserves" rape. I can't think of anything that someone has done that would deserve rape. No one deserves to be humiliated, tortured, and violated. I'm sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing, even though a few sick people responded inappropriately. The rest of us agree that rape is a serious social problem, and that it won't go away until men and women respect the word "NO".
2016-05-23 01:14:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter came home one day complaining to her mom about a situation where someone assaulted her near an ally. Her mom felt that there was no credence to this and took no serious account of this. I was not informed of this situation perhaps to let me sleep due to my odd hours as a truck driver. Later that day my wife came and woke me saying that our daughter has left with my rented car. She was fourteen. Then I was told that she was angry because no-one believed her. I received a call from my daughter three days later. She had driven to the border with Tijuana where she parked the car in a pay parking lot and walked into Mexico and was with her cousin who was like a sister to her. When informed by her as to why and all I believed her and respected her and should have been told right away. She was not hurt by the assault physically and mentally she is a tough girl and does not let a thing like that interfere with her daily life but, given the incredulity with which she was treated when she needed someone to talk to there obviously was a need to ventilate and share and be believed.
2006-12-20 06:31:19 · answer #4 · answered by JORGE N 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, parents just don't know how to handle things. It's ashame they don't get handbooks or classes when they give birth.
However, that being said, there is no excuse to blame the victim! It is never OK for a person to be forced into something by another! Unfortunately, your friend doesn't have the ability to rely on those closest to her for support. However, it seems as though she has a good friend in you. Try to be there for her as she goes through the steps of grieving.
Trying to get over such a trauma is really a grieving process, just like a death. There's fear, anxiety, anger, etc to deal with. Be her rock. Listen to her and let her know whe is NOT alone in this, YOU are there for her. If possible, draw attention to the positives in her life. Even the positives in this tragedy. Has your friendship drawn closer through this? Let her know! Make her laugh, whenever possible. But most of all, be silent. Know that sometimes the best thing to do for people in this situation, is nothing at all. By that, I mean, just LISTEN to her. Let her say EVERYTHING she feels without fear of judgement. Let her be silent if she needs to, and you should reassure her that this is acceptable too. We all process things differently. Let her know you would be willing to drive her to a counselor if she wants. You know, BE HER FRIEND! CRY with her. PRAY with her.
Prayer is the best solution to all of lifes tragedies. Explain this to her and be willing to pray, outlound, together. I pray for both of you. May GOD give you both peace, serenity and guidance, ALWAYS!
God Bless!
2006-12-20 06:13:21 · answer #5 · answered by nugirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My dad said it didn't happen and my mum acted like I was to blame, like your friend saying I was every horrible dirty word under the sun.
When I was alot older my mum apologised (I forgave her but you never realy forget) and my father is still pretending nothing ever happened.
It's very wrong what the parents are doing and it will damage her for a long time.. maybe 10+ years, she will need alot of friends support, counselling and to hold her head up and knw that she is still the same person and your true self is the one thing noone can ever touch.
She needs to realise.. they touched me but they can never touch the real me. Like noone can ever take your soul away. And if she realises that if she lets it get to her or affects her life.. you let your attacker win, so that is how I dealt with it and I'm good now, 10 years on.
But she will need soooooooo much support because it will be the hardest 5-10 years of her life.
Overall, she will firstly have to reailse she is innocent, she is a good person and special, she will lhave to deal with the pain that her parents are bad people.. that is so hard to handle because we are just born to love them, and she needs to get away from them so she can have a chance later at a good life without there lies and garbage affecting her world.
2006-12-20 19:09:26 · answer #6 · answered by valley_storm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a victim, so can't comment on the first half of your question, but I must say how horrid of the mom.
She probably just can't cope with the concept, so wants to forget all about it.
Not uncommon, but cruel.
"Even" after 7 months? That's not long to have to cope with such a traumatic event -- especially with such lack of support as the mother showed.
2006-12-20 06:30:47 · answer #7 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was never able to tell my parents about what had happend to me. Sex was something NOT talked about. It was dirty. I was originally raised Catholic though they have since calmed down with all of that.
My mom's version of the Birds and the Bees talk:
"Do you know how easy it is to get pregnant?"
"uhhhh...."
"Then you are not ready to have SEX then are YOOOU!?"
After that conversation I knew I could not go to them when something happened to me. I felt bad, dirty, horrible, used up and like trash (all at 11 years old) and I was all alone in it. There was no one to go to. It wasn't until later that I knew I wasn't the only one and that this unfortunately is widespread. I eventually came to terms with it on my own by reading about other women's experiences and talking to them about their experiences and how they learned to cope.
It's a process of healing and repairing your emotional trauma and psyche. Only by talking to those who have experienced themselves can you truly find peace in my opinion.
2006-12-20 09:50:25 · answer #8 · answered by AH0030 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I told my parents and they said I was just dreaming. That was 3 years ago. That destroyed me more than the actual assault did.
S
2006-12-20 07:04:04 · answer #9 · answered by sarahosaurus 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My dad sexually abused me, I think my mom knew, but did nothing, its really hard to judge her because I was abused between the age of 1 and 4. I met my husband and then he reminded me of my dad so much, I had flashbacks and thats how I knew it really happened. I accused my dad and of course he denied it and so did my mom. The statue of limitations had run out. I have seen his health get so bad that that has satified me, on him paying for his crime. As long as he never does it to anyone else, I am satified.
2006-12-20 06:14:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋