I feel my wife is keeping the children from seeing me?

Question

I told my wife to leave after finding out that she had been having an affair for a year, she has left and is staying at her mothers, only ten doors up, she has taken my two children with her, I have not seen them for 4 weeks now, it is distroying me, she sent me a text saying that it wasn't her keeping the children from me, they just didn't want to see me, My son and daughter e-mail me when ever she is out, they are both coming over on Christmas day to collect their presents at midday.

What can I say to them, either in a text or e-mail to try to find out what is being said. They only know one side of the story.

I have gone through the usual route of contact orders, but that all takes time.

It's as if she wants me to blow up and cause a fight so she can get an injuction on me.

I'm trying to control my anger, but as Christmas approaches I'm finding it more and more differcult.

Answer 1

You don't say how old the children are, if they are old enough to text are they teenagers? Anyway if they are little ones my advice is keep it under control and remember her and her new partner will want to go out and party and another man won't want the kids there so she will want to use you for the free babysitting she can get.

Answer 2

Have you gone to court? Is that what contact orders are? If so, you should be allowed to see your children. How old are they? If they are young I would have them come over anyway if they want to or not because they are only hearing what mommy is saying and that's not fair. If they see you and remember that you are a good person {I am hoping you are LOL} they will want to see you. If they are older then talk to them and see what the problem is. This is very sad to see esp. at this time of year. If you have documents stating that you are allowed to see the children and such and such time and place she has to follow that or she can get in trouble with the courts. Don't blow up at her, that will hurt your case. I've been through this with my son, but we still managed to be close and love each other even when his father was so against it. For your ex wife, she's going to regret this at some point because the kids are going to remember this and they won't always take it. Just stay calm, if she does not enforce those papers call the police they will enforce them. I know you don't want to do this to the children, I understand that but you have to see your kids. It's unfair and in the end the children will suffer most. You don't want that. I don't think your ex is thinking about that at all, sounds like she's thinking of herself. I hope things improve and you're able to have a Happy Christmas!

Answer 3

Haveyou started divorce proceedings? If so, make sure you mention her adultery, for a start.
Has she asked for maintenance from you? This is a good place to start. Whether or not you pay should not be used against you, but it does show that you care about the children.
Ask her for a civil meeting, discuss the financial aspects and the access. Try not to let it get heated. Once it is legal, she will have to stick with it. The idea is to give her no reason to cause trouble. Tell her you want to put the children first. You have the moral high ground - use it.

Answer 4

Do NEVER start fishing for information on what goes on with their mother, what she says. NEVER say anything bad about their mother in your childrens presence. Stay cool and patient. They can find you, they love you. Yes, you are hurting, so are they, they're probably very confused. Give them some time to figure out how to deal with the whole new situation. Make clear that you are there for them, that you love them, that it's not their fault and that most importantly you are there for them. Don't let them down. But by fishing for information about their mum, or putting their mum down in their presence, that will just push them away, make it even harder for them than it is. So don't. You are angry at your wife, understandably, don't involve them in that anger, in that fight. Take that fight the official way, through the courts, through a mediator. Don't fight with her in front of them, don't involve them in the pain and anger of the divorce. I feel your pain, be there for them, think about what they want and need, not what you want and need. The best of luck, and I hope you can enjoy christmas.

Answer 5

the first thing to do is not retaliate,thts wot she wants,in time your kids will be at the age where they can make there own minds up about contacting you and c that wot there mum did by keeping them away from u and vice versa is and woz wrong and they will in time resent her for it,my brother hasnt seen his kids for 4 years now and its his ex wifes doing but you just bide your time and it will all blow up in her face coz wot she is doing is wrong,let your kids no u love them dont say bad things bout there mum,coz again that is wot she wants u 2 do..its clear they want contact or they would not get in touch when she is out,get legal advice and go through the rite channels and b there 4 your kids she has no rite keeping them from u and like i say in time your kids will c that you are the bigger person in all this and realise wot mummy did was wrong,but dont get bitchy coz u will b playing rite into her hands and u dont want that,b nice polite etc while seeking advice..wot goes around comes around and the longer she keeps u from ur kids the worse it makes her look which is wot u want..she cheated,not u all the best and happy crimbo xx

Answer 6

keep your cool.

Go through the proper procedure, have you tried for at least supervised contact?

I appreciate that this is probably the most difficult time of the year, however if you lose your cool the Court's will see it as a down side.

Write to your kids? try contact via your mutual solicitors?

It will take time but it will work out in the end.

Hope everything sorts itself out!

Answer 7

Have you tried speaking to the mother in law? What do the kids say in their emails? Do they want to se you? If it was your wife in the wrong and not you then it is unfair to keep them from you. What was her reason for having an affair? Perhaps she is angry with herself and with you. Its not fair but kids are the easiest weapon in a breakup. If you really cant get through try writing her a letter. Make copies for yourself mind.

Answer 8

in the long term id try and get custody or a court order but for the short term, you have to remember that they are YOUR kids too. Take a stand and tell her straight, I love my kids and NEED see them. She has no human right to stop you from seeing them. ask her how shed feel if it was the other way about and remind her that its her fault that this has happened, not yours and why should you and your kids suffer?? Good luck, this kind of thing pisses me of.

Answer 9

Focus on your kids - not the ex. Have your time and be happy that you are going to be with your kids. So many fathers will not.

Be as calm as possible - and DO NOT yell, scream, say ANYTHING about the ex or to the ex. It will be used against you at a later date...I can promise you this.

Never do anything to give her amio...she left the house...looks like you get to keep it.....

Answer 10

keep your cool and try not to get too angry. try contacting your solicitor or try talking to your wife and see if you can organise a schedule for seeing the kids just try not to do anything that will damage your chances of seeing your kids and never stop loving them. good luck and a merry xmas and a happy new year