Its like, everything that he's ever done to hurt me bubbles right up to the surface every time we argue. Nothing is finalized. He never apologizes, and according to him, he never does anything wrong! So with no apology, for me its unresolved, and this happens again and again and again. Now I have 5 years of unresolved anger that keeps "haunting" me. Can you ever just "let it go"? I can't.
2006-12-20 05:28:38 · 21 answers · asked by Ade 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im in the same boat. i will never let go and get over what he has done to me. when it gets to that point, i think its time for you to say goodbye. take care.
2006-12-20 05:30:49 · answer #1 · answered by MiaDiva28 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need closure to let it go. You need to discover a release for these things. What I would do is whenever one of those hurtful situations pops up and he doesn't apologize write him a letter explaining exactly how you feel. Then you can either burn it as a symbol for releasing that anger into the world and away from you, this also helps you to feel you've said everything you wanted to say, or you can keep it in a box somewhere private. Just remember if you keep something like that it has the potential for being discovered and really hurting him. Plus, if it's affordable I would seek marriage counseling because all this pent up anger has to be taking its toll on you both. And you both need to learn to communicate with each other and he needs to learn to take responsibility.
2006-12-20 05:34:06 · answer #2 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't let go of the anger, then you will have to let go of the man. You are going to make yourself old before your time with all that anger built up inside of you. A man will only put up with having stuff thrown back in his face for so long, then he will start looking for someone who doesn't do that. You need to finalize the arguement when it ends. If you can't do that, then maybe you should seek therapy and find out what you are really mad at. Good luck.
2006-12-20 05:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it is really hard to just let go and forgive for what happened in the past because you cannot help but to think that the same thing could happen to you again and you do not want to end up getting hurt again and you just want acknowledgement that he understands that what he did was wrong.
2006-12-20 05:33:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok I totally understand, but you shoudl always think about what he has done to while going for a walk or talking to a trusted friend, that way there you can get it all out. I do that alot it helps me so much, I always talk to my parents, my best friends and adults that I am really close to. If I don't talk to those people I would most likely always be angry and want to like kill myself but I don't. I always find someway to get put all the anger that is in my life. Even if that means talking to a physchologist.
2006-12-20 05:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by Country Girl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you can't let it go, especially if he keeps doing it and adding the hurts to the 'list'. You have to sit down and seriously talk to him when you are both in a good mood and tell him how much this upsets you and how a simple apology could change everything. If that doesn't work you may need to go to counseling. I'm not sure if you're married or not but if you are then its worth fighting for, if not you may just have to count your losses and move forward without him. Life is so much better without unwarranted pain.
2006-12-20 05:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by truly_insightful 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This sounds very similar to my situation. I try very hard to just swallow it down and not let it keep getting to me, but you're right..it's so difficult. I think it's a matter of pride, but it definitely doesn't excuse the behavior. I've tried treating him the same way he treats me, but it doesn't bother him like it bothers me. Sooooo, I just try to remember that I fell in love w/him the way he is and that I need to try and remain flexible instead of trying to change him. You have a choice to make...keep making issues of his behavior or find a way to let it go. If you always yell when you argue, then try talking calmly, if you give him the silent treatment, then try talking it out. Try everything you can to get him to see, without blaming, how his behavior effects you. It's a tough one, so good luck!
2006-12-20 05:34:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You *have* to let it go. He is the way he is; you chose to enter this relationship and stay in it - and it is a relationship with the real person, not with someone you wish him to be. He has his strengths and his weaknesses, and you have to learn to focus on the latter, and overlook and forigve the former. You have to do it in any relationship. If things he has done, and is doing to you are absolutely incompatible with your idea of how you should be treated - then you have to consider leaving, and looking for someone who is more compatible with you. You can't stick around with a person while continuously demanding for them to change their ways.
2006-12-20 05:34:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to stay with this person ..you must...i know its hard when they don't even admit to the wrong they have done..but do you really want to keep hurting each other over and over !!! life is to short to be in a unhealthy relationship...best of luck to you...hope all turns out well....
2006-12-20 05:37:28 · answer #9 · answered by angelheart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes' eventually you will learn to stop bringing it up,because really your not hurting him,your hurting yourself! The damage is done, let sleeping dogs lye!What's gonna happen is he will get tired of you throwing the same thing in his face during any disagreement!I'm not judging you because my husband have done things as well,but I forgave him, but didn't forget and never will!!
2006-12-20 05:46:14 · answer #10 · answered by hot chocolate 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't honey, why are you adding more years to the ones already wasted? I know that it will be hard because by putting up with it for 5 yrs it shows that u really love this guy but ask yourself, is he worth it? Am I not putting his wants and needs ahead of mine? If you don't make yourself happy, don't expect that selfish bastard to do it for you.
2006-12-20 05:33:34 · answer #11 · answered by stacy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋