I supect my wife to have been leading a double life outside our marriage. (phone hangups, disappearing for hours, no interest in me or family activities, no sex, no kissing ect ect) I had a vasectomy 10 ago. I caught her taking birth control pills without my knowledge 2 years ago. Insulted, I demanded that she stop taking them. Months later I noticed her belly unusually "bloated". Not the usual bloating associated with monthly periods. We are now going through divorce after an acculmulation of things on her part that I just can no longer deal with. I let it go on for years hoping that things would get better. Now that I have the strength to file for divorce, she is bitter. Had her cake and ate it too. She's playing the divorce game. Trying to make me suffer.
2006-12-20 05:26:56 · 23 answers · asked by chet47 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only way you would be able to find out is word of mouth,if she told somebody and you can get them to tell you,which if it hasn't gotten back to you by now it probably won't!As far as through the doctor's office or clinic,I highly doubt theres any way you could get information it's all confidential...
2006-12-20 05:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by molliehollie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through such an unpleasant situation. Second, let it and her go. You are divorcing and ending the relationship. What would knowing if she did or didn't have an abortion do for you? Most likely all it would do is fuel a rage that needs to be extinguished for your own health.
This woman has obvious problems that you aren't responsible for solving and you're taking the best option available to you by getting away. Eventually the consequences of her actions will catch up to her with a vengeance and lucky for you, you won't be around to get caught in the storm.
You also may want to get some 3rd party help just to decompress from what's happened. Talk to a doctor, counselor, or pastor. Also, you might want to read the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Dr. Stephen Covey. It's an excellent book that teaches you how to change the way you look at things, and choose how you want to feel instead of letting emotional reactions control you.
Congratulations on getting yourself out of a very unhealthy situation. You're more than halfway there already. Take care and best of luck!
2006-12-20 05:40:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to hire a private investigator. Chances are if she went to your (or the family) doctor for an abortion you will be able to get that info. Check your insurance or better yet give it all to your PI. Document everything from now on. Also get a good accountant to start hiding assests. This woman deserves nothing if all is as you say.
Never underestimate her as an adversary. Keep her at a distance and close your personal life to her. Cancel all the credit cards and watch the joint account very closely and report eveything to your investigator.
Believe me, people like her always slip up and leave traces behind. Something will turn up.
By the way, dont ever be a doormat again.
2006-12-20 05:38:03 · answer #3 · answered by darrellkern 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, there are reasons a woman might take birth control pills besides contraception. Maybe she was being treated for acne, ovarian cysts, depression, reduction of water weight... the list goes on and on... It's not your right to demand that she stop taking them.
Secondly, there is no backdoor way to find out whether or not she had an abortion. It's privileged medical information. Just ask her.
Besides, if you want a divorce, why do you care anyway?
2006-12-20 05:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by jframeisu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I do not think that there is anyway that you can tell if she did have an abortion secretly. You could check with her doctor or clinics in your area but I do not believe they will give you this information. I am really sorry to hear of all the things that she did to you and I wish you luck with your divorce and good luck to you in the future. It sounds like by all that she put you through you are making the right decision in getting a divorce.
2006-12-20 05:30:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your problems.
As for as I know there is no way to find out if she had an abortion unless you can find the doc that did it. Even then they would have to go against their policy and release patient info, they don't do that!!
You have a long road ahead of you, unfortunately she is going to get you for all it is worth unless you have a really good lawyer and a fair judge that has the same thing happen to him. Sorry the news can't be any better.
the only thing I can think of is hiring a PI to follow her, but that should have been done before you filed. And you might be able to file for abandonment if you haven't had physical contact, sex, for a year. Ask your lawyer.
2006-12-20 05:42:11 · answer #6 · answered by Bekka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she won't tell you there is no way for you to find out.
If all of those things are going on just let it and her go.
Wash your hands of it all. If you can't have kids there is no reason in the world for her to be on the pill. However,
some women go on the pill because it helps them phycially and/or mentally but it doesn't sound like that is the issue here.
Let her go and make a new life for yourself with an honest, happy woman. Make sure its not you and if you are paranoid work on that before you let go of your marriage.
2006-12-20 05:31:47 · answer #7 · answered by kpd2020 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What purpose would it solve to know if she did or did not? None! Just let her go, she'll be bitter but that is ok. You have tried for years be confident in yourself for all your hard work. You know she was cheating and you gave it a chance even still. She is bitter because you finally decided your heart and love deserved someone faithful and willing to love you in return. She realizes she made some mistakes and her bitterness is really toward herself not toward you. Smile about your strength and keep moving with confidence.
2006-12-20 05:39:50 · answer #8 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are divorcing then why worry about an abortion she might have had? Just get out of that sorry marriage and move on with your life...leave her to her own designs...
Sounds like you're better off without that one...
2006-12-20 05:30:09 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GUYS NEED TO END IT FOR SURE.THERE IS MISTRUST IN THE MARRIAGE ANDHOW CAN A MARRIAGE BE STRONG IF THER IS MISTRUST.YOU NEED IF WANT TO KEEP HER TRY TO GET PAST THE PAST GOOD OR BAD AND IF YOU CAN NOT, IF YOU GOT TO HURT THAN WALK AWAY. JUST REMEMBER IF YOU HAVE KIDS DON'T LET THEM SEE ALL THE FIGHTS, ANGER AND LASHING OUT OVER THINGS.KIDS ARE MOST EFFECTED BY OUR CHOICES THAT ADULTS MAKE.I AM NOT SURE OF A WAY TO SPY ON HER TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS LYING BUT THERE IS ALWAYS THAT SHOW " CHEATERS" EITHER WAY,IF YOUR ALREADY SUSPECTING THIS AND SHE HAS HURT YOU BY CHEATING ON YOU AND YOU KEEP BRINGING IT UP THEN YOU NEED TO EITHER GET COUNSILING IF BOTH WANT THAT OR WALK AWAY BEFORE THINGS ESCALATE BADLY.GOOD LUCK
2006-12-20 05:34:02 · answer #10 · answered by swtluvingcntrygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋