I am 9 months pregnant, and a stay at home mom of two other children. My husband used to work 70 hours a week, and while he did this, I did every chore without complaint including making him breakfast before he leaves for work, and preparing him lunch and dinner to take with him.
He just got a new job that requires a regular 40 work week. Last week, I was feeling particularly tired, due to the pregnancy and asked him to give our 3 year a bath. He got very upset with me and told me not only did he have to give her a bath, but mentioned that he thought it was unfair that he had to vacuum twice in the last couple weeks. I understand that the majority of the housework, cooking, laundry, childcare is my responsibility and I do it happily, but I don't think it's crazy that he helps occasionally. Do you think I am being unreasonable?
2006-12-20 04:42:14 · 16 answers · asked by Justwannaknow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're 9 months pregnant. Tell your husband to get over himself!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-20 04:47:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being unreasonable, because he is being a selfish jerk. He knows that you are 9 months pregnant and should not be whining and making excuses about him having to do the chores once in a while. I can understand him having to bathe the child, but if he has issues with cleaning, then you two should hire a housekeeperer for the time being. The fact that he works xx hours a week does not excuse him from household responsibilities, and his behavior sounds like he is a bit arrogant about his role as a father and a husband. My wife and I both work long hours, as we are both white collar professionals, so we agreed to hire a housekeep to come every week to clean our place for a reasonable fee. We don't have any children yet, but if we did, I would never balk, nor would she, about having to take care of the kids or give them a bath. Perhaps his mother is also at fault because she spoiled him and raised him to be a king, thinking that he has no family responsibilities. If he were in my family, he would quickly be whipped into shape after getting a frying pan smacked across his head a few times. My family doesn't put up with people who consider themselves princes and princesses on high horses.
2006-12-20 04:51:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being unreasonable. Relationships are give and take. If you are still doing all of the chores and housework while pregnant and taking care of the other two kids he should be thankful that you don't have him doing more. Sounds like he is really taking for granted all that you do do. Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with him and explain how you feel about things. If he don't want to help out, cut out some of the little things that you do just for him and tell him that you are unable to do them anymore because there are more important responsibilities that you have to take care of
2006-12-20 04:48:55 · answer #3 · answered by Pandora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you're unreasonable. But you have set the precedent for taking over every single chore without asking anything in return - why is it surprising that he now wants the things to continue as before?
You might need to gradually introduce him to household chores. Usually, this kind of stuff gets worked out in the very beginning of the marriage, before kids are even in the picture; boundaries are set, and the workload gets "divided up". Your boundaries were set in a way that left him free to concentrate on work, and not have to worry about the chores. He's simply used to this arrangement, and any change in the rules (however reasonable) can elicit a negative response. So you need to be diplomatic in "breaking him in".
Honestly - if he works so damn much, why not hire a maid to help you out? When my husband and I moved in together, I told him we were going to have a maid; I don't like cleaning, and didn't want to have arguments about the house being dirty; end of story. Yes, it an extra $200 a month, but it's worth it to keep the peace in the family, have a clean house, and give us both more free time. Both people have needs and wants, it doesn't hurt to set boundaries and stick to them.
2006-12-20 05:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to make this team work. If you are a stay at mom and he is the full time (meaning 40 hours or more) breadwinner for your home then he should not be expected to do anything except his forty hours. It wouldn't make you very happy if at the end of your hard day of cooking, cleaning, and endless list of responsibilities that a stay st home mom has that he then turned to you and asked you to go fill in for him at his job for a couple of hours. The exception to the rule is that you are pregnant and need the help for right now. That was pretty crappy of him. Maybe you guys should consider getting someone part-time (maybe a few hours a day) to help you out. WOW two and a third one on the way! I bet you guys are a beautiful family. Best of luck to you.
2006-12-20 04:54:11 · answer #5 · answered by Bruce C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He should help out, no questions asked. You're holding down a full time job raising 2 kids with 1 one the way. You're holding down a full time job as a housekeeper, and wife. All he is doing is putting in 40 hours a week, the rest of the time is his. A mom puts in 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is no break, no vacation. Tell him to get his lazy butt up and help you out. He lives there to!
2006-12-20 04:50:37 · answer #6 · answered by Bekka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ok. First you are pregnant, he has to help because if you have a misscarriage HE is the BLAME for it. This not a society issue is a health issue. He is a lousy husband he should worry about his kids first. Working 40 hours perweek is nothing compare to nine months of pregnancy. I suggest you to have a family member to talk to him because it sounds to me that he won't listen to you. This upsets me a little.
2006-12-20 04:48:34 · answer #7 · answered by LIZA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see trouble now, what more after you have given birth, he might not help you with the baby and you will be left alone doing everything and all he does is work with pleasure. it's not good, he should learn to help and learn how to take care of the kids too coz it may change the way you feel for him if he wont do it.
2006-12-20 04:58:28 · answer #8 · answered by gi-jane977 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. Being a housewife is a job...except you don't get paid for doing it. I would have a little conversation with him bout this. And he shouldn't be complaining about giving HIS child a bath. Talk to him
2006-12-20 04:45:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
AS LONG AS YOUR CHILDERN ARE SMALL AND YOU ARE PERG. HE SHOULD WANT TO HELP AT LEAST WITH THE CHILDERN WE HAD 3 KIDS CLOSE TO GEATHER MY HUSBAND WOULD COME HOME AND TAKE THE BOYS IN THE TOY ROOM OR OUT SIDE AND PLAY W/ THEM SO I COULD COOK DINNER HE WOULD HELP CLEAR THE TABLE AND SOME TIMES IF HE WASNT LATE HE WOULD CALL AND I WOULD GET THEINGS READY FOR HIM TO COOK NOW OUR SONS ARE ALL GROWN AND HE STILL HELPS OUT WITH THING LIKE VACCUMING HE KNOWS IT HURTS MY BACK AND I HAVENT MOPPED INA LONG TIME HE WILL OFFER IF HE SEE ME SWEEPING HE WORK AT LEAST 40 HRS A WEEK YOUR RIGHT I DO MOST EVER THING FOR YRS WITH NO COMPALINT AND HE ALWAYS TELLS ME HOW NICE THINGS ARE OR SAY THANKS IF HE SEES I GOT HIS IRONING ALL DONE AND IN THE CLOSET TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS IS THE JOB OF BOTH PARENTS OTHER WISE HES JUST A SPERM DONER CALLED DADDY AND WITH YOU PG HE SHOULD WANT TO MAKE THINGS EASY FOR YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU AFTER ALL YOU ARE HAVING ANOTHER ONE OF HIS CHILDERN AND HE IS BLESSED
2006-12-20 05:51:25 · answer #10 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋