MY FIANCE AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 4 1/2 YEARS AND ENGAGED 1 1/2 YEARS. HE IS 21 I AM 19 WE LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS. HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE HERE ILLEGALY FROM MEXICO. I AM FROM PAKISTAN. HIS PARENTS DONT SPEAK ENGLISH AND HAVE LOW PAYING JOBS. MY FIANCE AND HIS BROTHER ARE THE ONES THAT TAKE CARE OF HIS PARENTS AND PAY THEIR MORTGAGE. I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS WE HAVE BEEN THERE A YEAR AND A HALF BUT NOW I THINK ITS TIME FOR US TO MOVE OUT AND BE ON OUR OWN. ALOT OF PEOPLE LOOK DOWN ON US SINCE WE LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS AND I THINK WE SHOULD JUST FIND AN ALTERNATIVE TO HIS PARENTS LIVING SITUATION BUT HE GETS ANGRY EVERYTIME I BRING IT UP AND IS SO NEGATIVE ABOUT MOVING. EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN AND EVERYTHING IS FALLING IN PLACE FOR US FINANCIALLY, FOR ME SCHOOL WISE AND WITH THE NEW YEAR COMING I WANT TO START A NEW LIFE WE ARE CONSTANTLY BUYING STUFF FOR OUR FUTURE HOME AND NOW WE NEED THE HOUSE IM SORRY BUT HIS FAMILY'S LIVING SITUATION IS NOT MY PROBLEM.
2006-12-20 04:41:43 · 8 answers · asked by noori_unisa 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am legal and in school
2006-12-20 05:04:32 · update #1
If you were smart, you'd move out, get your own place, get an education so you won't be living at the poverty level, and one day meet a citizen who is entitled to a job, and make a better life for yourself. You're road is going nowhere and at 19 I can't imagine why you'd choose to live this way.
2006-12-20 04:45:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I agree that you guys need to move on. He is negative because he doesn't want to deal with the situation. He feels trapped but Mexican people are extremely family oriented. In other words, he does not want to do anything that will hurt his family -----but, he needs to deal with this, and the sooner the better. It sounds like your fiance is a hard working individual. If you get a new home, he knows that funds will not be available to keep his parent's standard of living, so he will protect them at any cost. What he needs to address is that if he is to start a family of his own (which includes you), then he must break the ties. He is not mature enough apparently to do this (his negativism proves this). In this way, it is your problem, and you do not want to alienate your fiance or his parents. Do this -- sit down with your fiance and tell him that he has to talk about the problem or you will pack up and leave. If he doesn't come around, then leave. If he loves his family more than you, then you need to find out now before you get married. This will not be pleasant, but it is the only logical thing you can do to call his hand. Don't threaten him, but just let him know that you have to have him deal with it; if he wants to continue down the road by living with his parents, then he will do it alone. You are certainly young enough that you should have no problem finding someone else to spend your life with. Good luck to you.
2006-12-20 04:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by Doug R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His family is dependent on him therefore he doesn't want to move out. It seems he had a hard life and that they have been through allot together. he thinks that you are trying to separate him from them that's why he is upset. It is his family and he will always feel at home but you on the other hand will be uncomfortable. He probably haven't even been away from them they are probably very close nit and he is afraid of the unknown, he would not tell you this. He also probably thinks you dislike them for the reason why you want to leave and if he thinks you like them he thinks there is no reason to go. He is being selfish because he is getting the best of both worlds (you and his family) he wants nothing more. You need to make the first move and leave his parents house get a place of your own. If he loves you he will follow. good luck.
2006-12-20 04:54:42 · answer #3 · answered by Ans 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Twenty years ago, I went through the exact same problem as you. I finally got to the point where I left him (later divorced him). I ended up in a homeless shelter for 35 days with 3 kids, no job, no money, no car, and no extra clothes. With the help of my mother and a new boyfriend, I'm well established now and much, much happier. But, my ex-husband's situation has remained the same. After 18 years of crying in the attic at night, I've never regretted leaving.
2006-12-20 04:48:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand the way he seeing things and how important it is to him to help his parents, once you get past that, maybe you can sit down and talk to him and make a compromise, like if we move out into an apartment of our own, instead of getting an top of our budget monthly rent, let's get an apartment in the lower part of our budget and give your parents some money a month to still help them. It's not a good situation for the both of you but you have to meet somewhere in the middle.
2006-12-20 04:47:01 · answer #5 · answered by sarabmw 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fiancee will never agree to live separately from his parents. They belong to Mexico and there they live jointly with other family members. If you want to live the American way you have to move on and find some one suitable to you. I know it is painful to part but I dont see any way out as you are not willing to live with his parents.
2006-12-20 04:49:40 · answer #6 · answered by rams 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you're both here illegally from different countries, go ahead and get a nice big house by yourselves away from his family. I'm sure you could probably get one free and they might even throw in a free education with it.
2006-12-20 04:45:03 · answer #7 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 words - cultural obligation!!
2006-12-20 06:47:22 · answer #8 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋