He got out the Army and wants to move in with his dad, instead of moving in with me and my daughter, but he does not want to get divorced. I think that he just wants to keep us as dependents to get more $ from the VA. We've been married 5 months and lived in seperate households until his discharge. He always said that he would move in, and then he changed his mind. Now he said that he can't handle a preset family. So I packed all his stuff and said lets get an anullment/divorce. He changed his myspace profile to divorced. When the day came for him to get his stuff, he changed his mind and said he wanted to stay married, but just needs a break and that we shouldn't date other people either. I am confused. This man does not know what he wants. The fact is that we dont live together, but he claims that he loves me, but he needs to "chill" for a few months. I think its bull, at first i was devastated, but now I am starting to heal. I cant have a man in and out of mine and my daughters life
2006-12-20 04:37:10 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
don't adjust your life for him. tell him what you want and if he will not fulfill that or has no valid excuse, serve him the papers. thats not fair to you. especially since he seems to want everyone to know that hes divorsed??? thats so messed up. take charge of the relationship. good luck and happy hollidays
2006-12-20 04:42:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he has never lived with you and has continued to put you off says quite a bit. There could be many factors involved...he could secretly be gay and does not want to deal with it...he could be just using you as you stated to get the extra money...which by the way is BAQ and VA. He also gets a housing allowance and more pay for being "married". Either way, regardless of what the real reason is, you need to think of you and your daughter, what do you think she is learning from this. Remember children learn and will repeat what we do. You for yourself need to love yourself more and get rid of this dead weight. I am wondering what type of lines he said to you from the beginning to get you to marry him in the first place? Start from the beginning of your relationship and look at it all realistically. I think it will make a lot more sense to you if you start at the beginning...when you get to the end...Divorce..in fact if you have not been under the same roof ...annullment may just work for you. Although there is the flip side of this also...since he is recieving money for you and your daughter...contact his superior...let the government know...that money is rightfully yours if you are married. Have the goverment send the money to you. Then his real motives will come forward. Either way I would let his superior know.
2006-12-20 04:48:46 · answer #2 · answered by steelnpleasure 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said maybe he just wants to be married on paper for the benefits he gets from it. You've only been married 5 months and he needs chill out time ?? I wouldn't let him use me like that. I would file for annulment/divorce immediately without even talking to him about it. What a prick he is. You deserve better and should end this nightmare and find better.
2006-12-20 04:46:58 · answer #3 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously a young man....typically men don't know what they really truely want out of life until around the age of 30. It is just how it is. You are right he doesn't know what he wants. I'm sure he does love you, but being a young man he probably isn't ready to totally commit. Get divorced and find out what you both want. He probably got married because our world tells us that is what we are supposed to do when we love someone
2006-12-20 04:50:02 · answer #4 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants his cake and eat it too. Preset family, huh? Obviously he learned this jump in bed- jump out of bed-behavior and practiced it overseas. Now he's home and cant handle the legalities of it. Go get a lawyer and get things hopping legally to protect your daughter and you. I've heard from others over there that its a grand game these guys play until its time to come home and pay the piper (spouse). Dont let him drive you crazy over it - you have your daughter to think of. He needs mental help.
2006-12-20 09:33:50 · answer #5 · answered by miladybc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's cheating and have feelings for both of you...I think you should move on...He is probably living a single life...Move on with your daughter and find a real man as he is not it....
I can bet you he is cheating and is confused as to what he wants to do or he just don't know how to tell you he has moved on but if I was you, don't wait and let him make all the decisions, you make one for him and leave his cheating a** at his dad's house....
Don't waist your time...Let him find someone else to increase his money...He won't give you any once he leaves you so why should you help that bastard with anything...Do you girlfriend and let that mut move on with that trick he is seeing.....
2006-12-20 08:45:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants to date others and live as if he is single, but wants to keep u exactly as u are, in case he wants to come back, he may be wanting to do this for the money he gets. if he is saying he is divorced, the writing is on the wall. he wants a break alright, a break so he can be free to date, if you have only been married 5 months, and he feels as if he wants a break from u, than this man doesn't love u. he is using u for the money he can collect. divorce him, and move on, he is just too inconsistent, and insincere. his reasons point to he is really immature, or he wants to act as if he is single.
2006-12-20 06:22:17 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go see a marriage counselor before you get divorced only because you said he got out of the Army. He may not be ready for a family emotionally because of what happened when he was in service.
2006-12-20 04:46:49 · answer #8 · answered by angelicasongs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should get a divorce. A married man should live with his wife and not his father, something sounds a little off to me. Just let him go
2006-12-20 04:41:10 · answer #9 · answered by Urchin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should know what he wants. How long was he in the Army? Was he in Iraq? Just asking because he might have post dramatic stress if he was sent over seas?! Not sure. Good luck, but think of your child first and foremost. Merry Christmas
2006-12-20 04:41:42 · answer #10 · answered by Kimberly K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋