Guys, sex and cheating. Who's fault is it?

Question

So I see lots of Q&A's about cheating. The most commonly used reason is that the man is bored with the sex. Fair enough, it happens. First of all cheating is not the answer...

Brings me to my question(s):
Do you think it's always the woman's fault? That after we get married, we're no longer interested in sex? OR do you think it has something to do with the husband? Maybe after marriage, men stop trying to get their wives turned on and it's in and out in 5 minutes? Maybe you guys get lazy and stop trying to make the sex fun, if you did, your woman might still be interested in it... Do you agree?

I'm asking: who's fault is it that the sex got boring? Is it always the woman?

The purpose of this question is to get guys thinking when they say "she's boring in the bedroom" (whether they've cheated or not) that it may be partially his fault. Yes, the woman should talk to him about it ;-)

Please answer the actually question - it's not about cheating. It's about men saying that the sex is boring and not realizing that it may be partially their fault.

Answer 1

I firmly believe that it is the fault of the unloyal spouse. It doesn't matter what excuse they use, it is still just an excuse. There is absolutely NO good reason to cheat on a spouse. NONE!!

If you love someone, then you will learn to compromise and communicate issues with them. Not run away with someone else and destroy your marriage.

People need to grow up. That's all it really comes down to.

Answer 2

If you are asking whos fault is the cheating, well it is always the cheaters fault. They made the decision at that moment to cheat. Pretty simple.

If you are asking who is at fault for the situation getting to the point that the cheater made the decision to cheat, then that is totally different. Some men are just horny jerks who will cheat. Some women are overbearing schrews who would drive even the most honest loyal guy to cheat. And some couples should never have been married in the first place. And of course between all those extremes are 1000's of lessor reasons people make mistakes.

Answer 3

Your REAL question - who's fault that the sex got boring...

This varies depending on the couple. Sometimes one and the other doesn't try to fix it, or they do try to fix it and the boring one doesn't care to fix it. Sometimes both just lose interest in trying.

One of the worst things people can do is lie and say they are satisfied with sex when they are not. Women: NEVER fake an orgasm. All you will do is make the guy think whatever they did was awesome and they are not going to change a thing. After 10 years of fake orgasms and him thinking he is the mega stud, how do you think he'll feel when you cheat and tell him it's because he never satisfied you? He would be CRUSHED so badly he'd probably never trust a woman again.

Answer 4

I say that sometimes it's the guys fault and sometimes it's the females. In any situation which involves sex I think that as long as one person turns on the other, let it be physically or mentally, the sex is always GREAT. Appearance doesn't always have to play the part because sometimes it's the smell of a person and the sounds they make. The positions and of course always make love with the lights on for this will maximize the attraction and appreciation. I LOVE to SEE and I think I speak for most men because that's what we go to strip clubs for, "TO SEE AND FANTASIZE". Also throw a identity game every once in a while into play like meet your man at a happening club and let him be Frank and you become Janice and he buys you a drink and the both of you cheat on each other with one another. HAPPY RELATIONS

Answer 5

I think for the most part men cheat not out of boredom but out of sexual neglect. Look at the questions on any given day with married men wishing their wives would respond to their husbands desires. What is so bad about your husband desiring his wife? All too often the wife resents this for some reason and wants "to be left alone". I also think many wives think there husbands should no longer desire BJs.

In this case I do not excuse cheating but do understand the factors that create the possibility for infidelity.

Answer 6

The way you phrased the question shows a bias. I don't think you can blame any problem on any sub-group.

Using the word "MAYBE" in any question almost always makes the answer "YES", because most things are possible though unlike.

Now that I'm done breaking apart you question I see that the question isn't "WHO", but rather "WHAT IS AT FAULT?"

Hmmm?
What is sex? It is a physical expression of connecting with someone. It’s typically thought men to want sex more, but some women also value sex highly. Granted it is more important to some than others.

So is sex important?

Some people believe that because if something is NOT important to them then it should NOT be important to their spouse. This can go for just about anything: romance, flowers, sex, work ...etc. This way of thinking is faulty; it discounts our spouse's actual feelings and says they are wrong for not agreeing with us. Just because they are our spouse does NOT mean they enjoy everything same way as we do or NOT enjoy the same things we don't.

So if something is important to my spouse it should be important to me as well, even though I may not enjoy it as much. Thus sex is important if one or the other spouse feels it is AND the same goes for romance, flowers, work, church, family or anything else.

What are the effects of ignoring what someone else feels is important?

So if Spouse A ignores what is felt to be important to by Spouse B it also undermines the thoughts and feelings of Spouse B. This sort of disregard for the thoughts and feeling of a spouse is most definitely NOT love and may even lessen the feels of being loved by that person. So ignoring what someone feels is important can LESSEN the feeling of being loved by that person.

If Spouse A STOPS expressing love the way Spouse B prefers it than Spouse B is likely to STOP expressing love the way Spouse A prefers it. What is left is a bitter and loveless marriage.

Which came first? No flower, No romance, No sex
In truth it happens in every order imaginable and ends the same way with one spouse saying "if you would give me MINE I would then give you YOUR'S". If it’s reached this point then its reach a point selfishness on both sides. Therefore, what causes the problem is selfishness.

FYI, I've heard many stories of men doing everything (flower, candles, week ends away) and the wife still not giving them what they want i.e. sex. So this sort of problem can not be solved by one side alone.

Now what causes sex to become boring?

Again that falls into the way someone wants to be loved. It is not that fault of a person to prefer flowers or candle lit dinners to sex, it is their preference. What can be faulted as making sex boring is lack of interest. Again if Spouse A is SELFISH and is happy with their flowers they have no reason to try and make Spouse B happy. This leaves Spouse A willing to have sex, but not putting any effort into it (the famouse dead fish position). Who is at fault? BOTH Spouse A for being selfish and Spouse B for spoiling Spouse A. Relationships are work and that means both sides need to work at it. If one side is doing more than their fair share they are encouraging their other half to be lazy & selfish.

Answer 7

Marriage and sex is something that goes together. I have been married to my husband for 7 years and we have been together for nine. Neither one of us has ever cheated on the other. Sometimes sex does get repitious and boring and then when you sit down and talk about it and decide what to do about the problem. You just don't cheat on someone you love. If the woman is cheating it's her fault, if the man is cheating it's his fault. Love is something that you nurish and keep alive. People need to learn to work on their marriages instead of going out and looking for a quick fix.

Answer 8

I think that men say that sex gets boring is because they talk to other men about there sex life. It sounds more interesting than what is going on in there own bedrooms. Some men exaggerate about what they do and what goes on behind closed doors to make themselves more manly and cool. So then a man is like, wow, i wish my sex life was that exciting. So they start to think with there, um you know. Then they get themselves into trouble just because their imagination gets all wild. All because they have to be the cherry on top of the mountain above all other men.

Answer 9

Based on my own experience, Cheating doesn't happen unless people make it happen. They can use every excuse they want but it happens because they made it happen. Marriages lack a lot of things but that doesn't mean resort to cheating. So fault lies with the one that cheated, and that is no way to solve any problem that a couple may have.

Answer 10

I think you are partially right.....
Here are my thoughts.
Men and Women have different needs....and unfortunately we typically don't know what they are. It is easiest to explain this in a cave man (simplistic) scenario

Women. Need a strong man that will protect her and their children, and be a pillar of support. That protection and support is shown not only physically but emotionally through love.... having a man care about her needs.

Men. Need to spread their seed and mate....procreate....make babies. Monogomy is not a priority. A man needs sex more than women need sex. They both want it, but it is more of a need for men. Men want to protect and support their family, but spreading their seed is a little higher on the priority.

So, Men need to be turned on is equivelant to women needing to be loved and cared for and about. It is equal and opposte. Men and women are not the same..their priorities are different. But when a man cheats on a women for better sex...is the same as a women cheating on a man because they are neglected and not cared about. Turning your man on..unrequested...is the same thing as a man cleaning the house or something that makes your day easier...unrequested...just because he cares about you.

This isn't black and white...women still want to be turned on and men need to know they are cared about. But the priorities and how one shows their effection is different. If two people can understand the other's basic needs, a relationship will be much happier.

send me an email if you would like to discuss this further.