I'm married for 10yrs. My husband had DUI 2 mon.ago - I'm his driver now. He works in sales. But he can work from home, can sleep long. Last sale he had was last February and he has 1 going on right now. Between Feb. and now-no job, no money. That DUI wasn't good lesson to him. He wants me to drive him to the bars so he can drink even on workdays. I'm working every day I'm tired. Last week I refused to take him, he got mad, he doesn't speak to me, 'til this morning when he said he wants to divorce me. I'm crushed, what did I do wrong? We also have to take our 9 yr. old with us when going out, he doesn't care if kid got school tomorrow & I have a job. He stays unitl closing time. I'm praying for him to change, we have so much history together. We left our homeland to be together over here. He's also accusing me that child is not his. God knows, I never had another man in my intimate life. I'm scared to live alone if he divorce me. I have no family here, nobody to talk to or to help me
2006-12-20 04:04:11 · 16 answers · asked by Sandy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
History is history...the past and the future is no good. Give him the divorce and start thinking about the future. He has given up since his stupid decision to drive under the influence. He's an adult and should act like a real man and accept the fact he's an alcoholic and it's wrecking his and his families lives. If he doesn't want help than let it go and move on. You deserve happiness and it doesn't matter what the past was...look at today and your miserable. Good luck
2006-12-20 04:22:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh hunnie, you need to stick up for yourself... Forget all that, he needs to change, if he isn't supporting you and your kid, and he doesn't work, and he drinks all day and doesn't care about the kid and says the kids not his, he can kiss your butt. You obviously know there is something wrong or your wouldn't be asking a question. Leave him, if you are already doing everything for the house and working and raising your kid you have nothing to lose by a divorce but the extra baggage that is dragging you down. Don't let him do that to you. Stand up for yourself, make an ultimatum and if he wants that divorce give it to him and throw him out on the street. You are the one that is going to get the house and the kid, is he has no job he has no business getting anythign you worked hard for and the courts will definetly side with you. You're dead beat of a husband will have to learn to fend for himself. Pack his bags and throw them out the front door the next time he wants to go drinking. See if he likes the bar so much that he is willing to sleep there for it. Forget that, don't let someone do that to you.
2006-12-20 12:10:15 · answer #2 · answered by TOO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your husband is an ALCOHOLIC. he's got a major drinking problem if he's bothering to go to bars during the weekdays & gets upset with you when you don't take him. That's behavior from an alcoholic alright! I don't think you did anything wrong. He's just not in his right mind right now because of all the problems, this DUI & his drinking problem it's causing him to say all these hurtful words to you. If i were you, i would just drive him to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and tell him that if he doesn't get help soon, he can take the bus & expect you to be the one to file for divorce, not him! because believe me, in his condition, he is just scaring you. There is no way he will be able to live without you through these problems he's got. He's just scaring you or trying to bully you. DON'T FALL FOR IT. step up to him & act boss, otherwise nothing will happen for you.
GOOD LUCK.
2006-12-20 12:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How hard!! I am so sorry. But you seem to be a smart woman who loves a lot!
Don´t be afraid of being alone, he has you for granted! and he is not supportive of you or your 9yr old. He has become a load in your life instead of support and he has it too easy! Not fair for you!
Don´t get a divorce yet, but separate for a while, he is the one who will lose the most!! if he asks for divorce, ok, tell him to go ahead, it is not so bad, I know you love him and don´t want to be alone, but you love the good times with him, you love being with a man, not him!! you can go on with your life, instead of praying for him to change, which I doubt he will, pray so that you find the strength to move on and raise a child, and that someone will love that strength on you and will be there to love you and support you and your child instead of being a burden! Don´t worry you still have 10 20 30 plenty of years to live the life you deserve!!
Stop helping this man and move on, you can do it, is a bit painful at the begining but in the end you will change and somebody will find an amazing person in you and love you like that.
2006-12-20 12:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by copita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he ment it. He is just mad because you refused to contribute to his alcohol problem. I think you should go to counseling and try to get him to go to AA.
If it comes down to divorce then you would need to learn how to be alone or move back to your home town where you feel more comfortable.
In the end its not about you or him. You need to do what is is the best interest of your child because growing up in a home with an alcoholic parent isn't healthy especially when the violence starts.
2006-12-20 12:13:22 · answer #5 · answered by 女性ウルバリン 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
divorce him thats ridiculous that way hes acting you have one child already you dont need two plus a job. believe me youll be fine on your own you can get help from your state and you cna also get child suport. also I balme you alot for this becasue you have allowed this to happen you drove him to the bars and etc for a while and continued to allow this . cant you see all he cares about is drinking he doesnt care that he has a family to take care of you need to divorce him let him have what he wants even if you dont have any family you can make friends you should allow him to be the center of your world believe me hell be more4 miserable wothout you he wont have any transportation and no family hell figure out hes losing the most important and valuable things he has
2006-12-20 12:17:00 · answer #6 · answered by C I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so sad. For you to be so badly abused by a man and then actually think it is somehow your fault, just about makes me cry.
WOMAN YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!!!! He is a scumbag jerk who does not deserve you. Screw him. Tell him he is a bum and he has to get out. Forget the history, he obviously has. I wish I could make you see the light, but I suspect you will suffer with this jerk for years and years.
Do me a favor, please. Read your own question outloud to yourself in front of a mirror. If you can't see how sad you are, then I'm not sure anyone can help you.
2006-12-20 12:28:05 · answer #7 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can divorce him and stand on your own feet. You work, you are a responsible parent, obviously if he is wanting you to take you to the bars he is not willing to be a family man.
Do yourself a favor and divorce him. I know that you are scared but how much of this can you take?????
Good luck
2006-12-20 12:13:36 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of him. he never learned his lesson if he is still drinking after his DUI. and it is not your responsibility to drive him everywhere, it was his fault he got the DUI. make him figure out how he's going to destroy his liver. paternity tests are there to prove he is the father, he's just saying this **** to piss you off. i know you love him, but if you stay with him, where do you see yourself in 5 years? the same place, with the same heartache? get out. you can find better, and he'll be the one with no one at the end of this whole thing.
2006-12-20 12:30:57 · answer #9 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No job or money you say? who suportting his drinking habbit? If you are you're fueling the fire. Take him to the bar one night and go find yourself a real man who will respect you and worship the ground you walk on. Good luck
2006-12-20 12:16:52 · answer #10 · answered by seahorse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋