Hi, I am an 19 year old girl.. and I do love my boyfriend, but i am sick of being treated so badly.
We have being going for two years. We are both firey and do row, but always make up.
I had an abortion last year, which I felt he talked me into. So when I fell pregnant recently I decided to keep the baby, as I am not strong enough to deal with the guilt of an abortion again.
I lost the baby last week and since then he has acted as he normally does, tearing my personality to shreds, walking out on me whenever he can. Making me feel guilty because he had to take the day off when I lost it.
His behaviour for the past year has made me insecure and I don't trust him anymore, as I do not understand why you would treat someone you love so badly.
He has even been violent in the past.
You all probably think i am crazy to still be with him, but when we get on there is no-one else I'd rather be with.
I just don't understand why he emotionally abuses me, even after i have just had a miscarriage???
2006-12-20 03:35:38 · 44 answers · asked by band-aid 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
He is abusive emotionally and physically this is the last person on earth you should even consider having a baby with. If you continue to sleep with him then please find a responsible form of birth control. It sounds to me like you are codependent and you like the 'idea' of him because of the times things are good. But for the most part that is not the person he truly is and eventually the good will be completely overtaken by the other behavior. Get counseling and get the strength to leave. You deserve better.
I think in your heart you already know it is he that has the problem not you, but by staying you are enabling the behavior. He will never get better. Don't waste any more of your life on this guy.
Asking why will get you no where it will only contribute to your insecurities he is feeding.
2006-12-20 06:39:36 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be APBT 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes! He is invading you're space and he is VERY much treating you badly! We all have personal space. He didn't need to pull you're Tank Top down, Squirt Hand Sanitizer on you're Cut, and hit you in the Head! Yes, he may look Handsome on the outside. But on the inside he could be so mean. That's why when you see guys like that you think ''Oh he's cute'', but that doesn't mean he's 'Cute' on the inside, now does it? And you could see a guy that looks scary, creepy, or that isn't Handsome or Cute at all and he could have the sweetest personality! So yes, I think you should dump him and either stay single or get to know you're Next Boyfriend better, ask him Questions, and take time to get to know him. Don't just ask him 3 Questions and spend a Day together and then decide you want to be Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Wait at least a Month or 2 or 3 to get to know him, start out Friend's, and then when you find out he's Interested in you (not ONLY because of the Looks, because of the Personality) and when you get to know each other, then you can date you're New Boyfriend. But, I prefer staying Single. :). Also, with you're New Boyfriend um just a tip, you might not want to wear just you're Bra, Panties, or anything that exposes you're Breasts, Stomach, Upper Legs, Butt, and all the other 'Personal' body parts that you usually cover up, other wise he'll start to think ''Oooh la la''. If a boy really cares about you, he won't want to do you, kiss you, or check you out. Trust me, it's true. A young lady should find a nice young man. :). So yes, you should Dump him.
2016-05-23 00:07:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not as simple as everytone makes it seem. First I want to voice if he has physically hurt you then there is no excuse for that and you need to just leave. Other than that you must first put yourself in his shoes. A few years ago my girlfriend had a miscarrige. We weren't trying to get pregnat. I went through all the stages, scared, afriad, a little angry even. Even though I was frantic my girlfriend didn't notice, she can be emotional and the best thing in my mind was to keep it to myself. Eventually I got to the stage where I was looking forward to having a child. I went out and bought the baby stuff and all that. Then about 6 months in she had a miscarrige. She turned over in bed, I was working two full time jobs trying to get ready for this baby so I wasn't at home. When I came home she was still asleep, she is a very heavy sleeper. I walked into the bedroom to find blood dripping off the bed. I was immediatly in panic I rushed over to her taking my phone out of my pocket. Once I woke her up I calmed down a little, untill I noticed where the blood was coming from. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. Then the doctor told me that she had a miscarrige and I was heart broken. I was so ridden with emotional pain I couldn't contain it. I became emotionally abusive. Blaming her for what happened. Blaming myself for what happened. This was my son, he was dead and I never got to see his face. It was only when she finally worked up the courage to talk to me about my behavior did I even see what I was doing. She wasn't scared of me but I have a very dominating personality. She made me see how I was behaving and I was disgusted by it. In my heart I always loved her I just didn't know how to deal with it. My answer for you is, go talk to him, tell him you love him, and tell him that if he can stop acting like that and be a good husband you are more than willing to spend the rest of your lives together. If you get any other response than "I am sorry and from this day on I promise to treat you how you deserve to be treated." Then this man does not love you like you do him, and now more than ever you need to be with a man that will love you with all of his heart.
2006-12-21 17:19:32 · answer #3 · answered by Kail 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
has he been abusive toward you before the first pregnancy and abortion? Maybe he regrets the abortion and is taking it out on you. Is his parents always fighting or did they fight in the past if they are divorced? Is his father abusive to his mother? He either has lived with abuse and that is all he knows or he is treating you like this because of the abortion and then miscarriage. I would ask him to go to counseling with you and if he refuses then maybe it is best for you to leave him even though it will tare you apart. It is better to be alive and miserable for a while than dead. You have to remember that the abuse will only get worse. Some women in your position say 'he will get better' and 'if only I was better to him'. Not going to happen, he will kill you before he gets better. I know how he makes your self esteem so low that you feel that he is the only one for you because he makes you feel that way. There is a man out there just waiting to treat you with the respect you deserve. It will be hard for you but i suggest to leave him for your own safety.
2006-12-20 03:55:18 · answer #4 · answered by Karen A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello, I can understand that when things are good, they are REALLY good, but things are bad most of the time, am I right? I am sorry to hear about what you went through with the abortion and miscarriage, these things are a womans worst nightmare :(
That being said, it is hard to say why your boyfriend is treating you so badly, especially after you have gone through these things, but it seems that he was treating you this way before.
He may resent you for the abortion and miscarriage, But it sounds like he doesn't thimk very much of you to begin with. People treat us how we alow them to treat us! The fact that he has been abusive to you and you keep taking him back sends a message to him that he can get away with his bullsh*t and you will keep taking it!
I know I don't know you or your boyfriend personally, but believe me when I say that your situation is not unique, many woman go through and have been through this type of realationship. IT DOESN'T GET BETTER, YOUR LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!!!
My advice to you would be: no matter what you think of yourself right now, do something to protect your future happiness, your future self!! Don't end up tied to this guy, with kids, and 5 years from now wishing you could kill yourself but you can't because someone has to protect the 'kids' from this asshole!!
There are plenty others out there who would treat you with the respect and love that you deserve, but do you have enough respect and love for yourself to do the right thing and wait to meet a quality person ?? One of the hardest things in life is looking back and watching younger ppl suffer what us older ppl have already gone through. I am not much older than you, I remember getting the same advice I am giving you now, and I did not listen because 'they don't know me or my boyfriend', 'no one sees the good stuff he does', etc. Sad situation sister, best of luck to you, I hope you choose YOU.
2006-12-20 03:58:00 · answer #5 · answered by wakingwolf79 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a jack-***. Sweetie, you need to start loving yourself more than you love ANY man. You are always the most important person in your life and if you're willing to stand up for someone else who you love, you should be able to stick up for yourself when someone puts you down like that- you'd get mad if someone put him down, right? So start showing some self love.
He might be hurt over the fact that you lost the baby, even though it's not your fault, he's taking it out on you which is not right for whatever reason.
If you don't trust him, then get out of the relationship. How can you love someone if you don't trust them to take care of you? Real love is knowing that someone's got your back and they won't judge you for who you are or make you feel bad about it.
Dump this jerk and find someone who will treat you like a queen, even if you have a miscarriage. You are worth a million dollars, girl.
2006-12-20 03:46:21 · answer #6 · answered by Hiroko 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't love you. He feels guilty about what has happened to you. He feels so much guilt that he doesn't want to break up with you. So, he treats you badly so that you will break up with him. If you break up with him them he gets "of the hook" emotionally. He wants to break up and leave you but his guilt holds him there. You need to leave him no matter what. You may still love him but he doesn't love you no matter what he says. You deserve better, you need to move on. If you stay with the person that convinced you to have an abortion you will have continuing problems. This relationship will never work. GET OUT.
2006-12-20 03:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by Ace Meridian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if this has been going on for some time now, maybe he isnt the one for you. If he has been emotionally abusing you, especially after a miscarriage, then you should really rethink your whole relationship with him. I know what its like to be in that kind of relationship, and i know how it feels, when the relationship is good, its great. But how much bad do you have to go through to get the good?? no one deserves that. So Good luck with whatever you decide and im VERY sorry for your loss.
2006-12-20 03:41:14 · answer #8 · answered by Bri~ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He emotionally abuses you because he can, you allow it. You do not have enough self worth to kick him to the curb because you think you can't find anyone else. Honey, you need to run not walk away from this jerk- you deserve better, and you will find better...you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush into another relationship. Work on yourself and things you like to do that are good for you. Take some classes at a local college. You don't trust him for a reason- your gut instinct is correct, go with it. If you stay with this jerk, you will find yourself in the hospital or a shelter for abused women....please, please, dump him.
2006-12-20 03:43:39 · answer #9 · answered by northville 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You know what honey? Thats something that no one can understand but him. Last summer I had an abortion, and while I was in the bedroom in agony for hours, my boyfriend stayed in the living room and played Xbox, he wasn't even by my side...he treated me badly as well....but eventually (even though I loved him with all my heart at the time) I left him, and life has been a lot easier. Maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship with him. Take care of yourself!
2006-12-20 03:41:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋