Losing my mind!!!?

Question

I think I am losing it...

I have 3 little ones, one of which lives an hour away until school is out...

The 2 that I do have at home however, A 20 month old boy, And a 6 week old girl...I can't even get 5 minutes to shower, Let alone do anything else. My fiance works from 6am-6pm M-F, And then when he does get home, he's so worn out (He's a roofer) that he's almost ready for bed immediately...I don't get outside the house much at all...

And if it isn't one child crying, It's the other, I am ready to just pack up my belongings and walk out and never look back! I know that sounds horrible, And I know, If I didn't want to deal with children, I shouldn't have had them, It's not that I don't want to deal with them, I love all of my kids, I just feel like I have NO time for me, Not even bathtime is personal anymore, Because my 20 month old is very much so a mama's boy, And wants to be where I am at all times.

Any suggestions??!?!!? *sigh* Am I the only one that has ever (cont)

felt this way?? How can I overcome it?? I think because of this, I've not bonded like I feel I should have with my 6 week old...I instantly fell in love with both of my boys (They are 7 years apart), But with her, Although I do love her, I haven't felt that ' in love' feeling with her yet, When I hold her, I feel like I'm holding someone elses child..

With both of my boys- You couldn't pry them out of my arms, With her, As long as she's changed, fed and not NEEDING something, I don't want to hold her. :-(

The guilt is starting to overtake me, I feel like I'm a HORRIBLE mother and that she's going to grow up and hate me.

Any suggestions as to what I can do????

Answer 1

You are not alone. I have two little ones, also a boy and a girl, who are 17 months apart, so I know exactly how you are feeling. It's so challenging, and at times completely overwhelming, especially when they are both crying at the top of their lungs and you're about to collapse from a lack of sleep. I definitely had my fair share of crying in those early months. I couldn't believe this is what motherhood was, and that this is what I had always wanted.

The only thing I can tell you is that it DOES get better and easier. This stage literally can't last forever, so you just have to hang on until you get through it. And *definitely* ask your fiance for support. I know he's tired when he gets home, but so are you, and they are his kids, too. If he can't understand, have him try spending an entire day alone with the kids, and he'll get how hard it is.

Last, regarding your baby girl -- don't worry about it! Babies are incredibly resilient and adaptable, so for now as long as you are meeting her basic needs, she's TOTALLY fine. When you have other kids to take care of, you just can't hold the baby all the time, so don't feel guilty about it. I did the same with mine -- when my son was an infant, I held him constantly, but with my daughter, I just couldn't because my son needed so much attention. She's now 13 months old and as happy as can be. She'll be fine. You have enough stress, so don't worry about that.

Good luck. I truly feel for you.

Answer 2

Of course the obvious solution is to hire someone to help, but I'm sure that with three children and one income that's not gonna happen. Do you have any family or friends around that would be willing to help you out? Say for like 1-3 hours a few days a week, just so you can get a shower, go to the store, etc. If not go to some of the local churches. They often times have a mother's day out on fridays that is free. They will watch your children while you have some time free. Also talk to your fiance, and see if he can take them for just 1 hour in the evening while you get some stuff done. He could just watch a movie with them or maybe give them their baths. Don't give up hope, these children need and love you too much.

Answer 3

you may have some post partum depression- i know it's tough having 2 kids so young- it WILL get better, i promise. get one of those double strollers (maybe the jogging kind) and get them bundled up and go for a nice long walk- get the blood pumping. It will really help you feel better about yourself- exercise totally raises your self esteem. Please don't give up on your kids- it sounds like the 20 month old really really loves you! even if your husband is very worn out, can't he just stay awake at least until 8:00 so that you can get out for 2 hours? try to make a compromise a few times a week so that you can. I'm sure he won't mind if you guys talk it out in advance. Or, he could take them out for quality daddy time on one of the days on the weekend. They should be bonding with him as well.


there is no reason why he shouldn't be part of raising the kids. I worked on a farm from 5 am to 7 pm every day with no break for 3 years, and i still stayed awake because i just had to to get things done. if i can do it with thyroid problems, then your husband should be able to do it too! don't let him make excuses

Answer 4

You're not the only one. This happens to (most) women out there trying to balance it all at the same time. Do you have anyone nearby who can help you like your mom? Perhaps they can stay with you for a few hours a day, a few days per week and help out with the kids.

Don't worry about trying to be supermom. Let the dishes pile up. Let the laundry pile up. Those are things that you and your fiance can do on the weekends. During the week, just focus on the kids.

If you think your little boy can handle it, you can try enrolling him in daycare/preschool for a few hours a day, a few days a week.

Last, but most definitely not least, you may want to talk to your doctor about post partum depression. I waited a long time before talking with my doctor because I wasn't depressed in the sense of being sad. The PPD symptoms I had were the feelings of being overwhelmed and feeling like things were piling up and feeling unable to concentrate and focus my energy. I felt like I was being pulled into a black hole somewhere, or quicksand. The more I tried to get on top of things, the more I got sucked in. As it turned out, those were also signs of PPD. Treatment is available and really makes a difference.

Hope that helps and good luck to you.

Regards,
mari

Answer 5

Sounds like you're definitely overloaded. Not uncommon at all.
Ask for help! I know the hubby is tired after his 12 hour shift but these are his kids too and your job doesn't quit after 12 hours - your hours are a lot longer than his. The least he can do is give you half and hour to have a bath. Have any family or good friends close by? Ask them to sit for the older 2 occasionally so you just have 1 to deal with for a while. Get to know the older kids in your neighbourhood and pay them to come and sit with the kids (even when you're home). If you can afford it, have a maid service come in once a week for a couple of hours and do a house cleaning for you.

Answer 6

You are NOT alone!!! Many women feel all these feelings. Sounds like you're having some post-partum depression... talk to your doctor soon! It sounds like you really have your hands full right now. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Have a friend come over and take the kids for a walk to give you a half hour of peace. And while their gone DON'T do laundry... have a nice long, hot shower... you could even have time to shave your legs (that always makes me feel human again)

Don't worry about your fear that you haven't bonded with your little girl... she's your third... it's normal to be less attentive... that will change as she and your little boy get older.

Please talk to you doctor... don't be ashamed to get help.

Answer 7

Your proverbial heart? Or, your physical heart? The answer, of course depends not on which heart you mean, but which mind you mean? Referring to the phrase, "he's lost his mind" we can gather that if you did lose your proverbial heart, you could only lose your 'mind' as in, your sanity, depending on what choices you chose thereafter. With the mind as in the 'ego' the thought processes that sometimes control us, if you lost your proverbial heart , you would more than likely lose your mind as it was because then you wouldn't function as a typical human anymore. You'd become robotic, lacking empathy, compassion and other human traits that influence the mind and make you human. You would become a machine, and their minds are something completely different. The question would become, what would be the driving force of your new state of mind? What would influence your decisions? If you meant losing your actual, physical heart... well, then I would say yes and no to losing your mind, any mind. Yes, because you would be dead. Your body as you knew it would no longer be functioning on any level, and therefore be without mind. No, because it is said the 'mind' never dies, but overlaps from reincarnation to reincarnation, which explains why we carry some habits and memories through, often being perceived as genetics, dream states or deja vu. Although it is actually your spirit or soul that is doing the reincarnating, the soul comes from the one soul that inhabits everything, and so your 'mind' that learns more with every reincarnation is actually your very individualism. Without it, you are not you.

Answer 8

My two boys are 15 months apart and sometimes it seems like there is never any me time. But sometimes you have to have a little peace and quiet. Talk to your fiance and tell him how you feel and that you need a little time to yourself once in a while. If he isn't working on the weekends tell him you are going to go to the store or to take a nice long bath and not to disturb you unless it's an emergency. You will be surprised at what an hour here and there can do for you.

Answer 9

You are not the only one that has felt that way. If all mothers told the absolute truth, we have all felt that way. Try to find someone that you trust to keep them for a few hours a week. Your sanity is depending on it. You will be a better Mom for it. Even if you just sit in a locked room without them for a while each day! It does not mean you are a bad Mom to get away from them for just a little while. Just remember they grow up fast. Sometimes too fast but, sometimes not fast enough.

Answer 10

Gotta be honest here I lost my kids dad in May of this year been at home full time since with a 3 year old and a 4 year old. It is very hard very very hard actually, but These ages don't last forever and I think about that. One day they won't need me as much as they do now so I don't take one single moment for granted. Even their little cold feet touching me while I sleep. I just love those little moments.