My wife and I are divorcing after 12 yrs marriage, I cheated 4 yrs ago and she hasnt forgiven me, we are going to stay together in the same house for the kids as friends, we are still good friends and want to keep it that way. She says the only way in her mind is to divorce me and then maybe someday we could start over with a better and stronger relationship, right now she has to end this one to be able to heal her pain from the past, I am just wondering if this sounds like it would work, she says she has no one else waiting for her so to speak, and I have no plans of ever looking for anyone else myself, I have tried these past 4 yrs to make things work out but she says this is the only way for her to forgive me.who knows, she may say she wants to start over lead me along for awhile and then finally realize that we arent going to get back together.
2006-12-20 02:39:21 · 14 answers · asked by joefra68 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you love her give her what she wants. Make sure you tell her you are doing it for her, not because you want it.
2006-12-20 02:43:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't see how divorcing, remaining in the same house, and starting again from scratch is going to to work. You either divorce and live apart, separate for a while, or stay together and work it out. It sounds like you have been trying the latter for the last 4 years with no success.
Affairs can cause irreparable damage to a marriage. If she hasn't forgiven you by now, it's possible she never will. You could just have to accept that this marriage is over. Friendship is a good thing for the kids, but for you both to move on with your lives you need to draw a line under this and make it clear what your next step is. The trust has gone forever in her eyes, and you know what you did. Sometimes sorry just isn't enough for anyone, and you need to accept that, because it is you who was in the wrong here.
2006-12-20 02:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably just need some time to think, she needs space, and a free mind. I'm not sure that a divorce would nesesarily work if she want to try in the future. Maybe a separation for a while would help. Ask her what she wants, most women are gonna do it there way, so I would just tell her whatever she's wanting to do you'll be okay, you'll support her decision, and if you have no plans on looking for anyone else, let her know that too. Good luck
2006-12-20 02:46:53 · answer #3 · answered by jenandybell03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is not the answer in this situation. Some good counseling (together and separately) might help. You can both learn to start over without the mess of a divorce. She's held on to her anger and hurt too long. If she really cares about you, she can forgive you. Then you could have a re-dedication of your marriage vows and "start over.' I don't see her idea working.
2006-12-20 02:43:14 · answer #4 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Living together for the kids? Oh come on, do you really think that this would be a happy home for kids? I bet you could cut the tension with a knife. You are doing the kids no favor. What do you want to teach them? That you live like friends with your ex-spouse. Do you want them to live their life like you and their Mom? You have had a dysfunctional existence for some years now. It's over. Get on with your life. Let your children see that their Father is a man. Set an example for them.
2006-12-20 02:49:50 · answer #5 · answered by sunny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she hasn't gotten over it after 4 yrs. What makes you think she is ever going to get over it. You are making a BIG MISTAKE staying together for the children. In the end the CHILDREN will be the ones HURT the MOST.
2006-12-20 02:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by Monty L 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two really care for each other! Maybe starting over as friends will help both of you, and hopefully time will heal her wounds. Being hurt like that takes time, and having trust and faith in someone isn't something people do lightly, I am sure she is being cautious with her feelings, so give this a chance, what have you got to loose by doing this?
2006-12-20 02:44:50 · answer #7 · answered by GiGi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that would be a good idea for your wife to do.it probably really hurt you when she found out that you cheated on her and divorcing you and then you guys still living together that would be a good way to start over. i am so glad that you guys will be living together for the kid's sake because it can be really hard for them to see one of you go.i think that living together when your divorced you will be able to build a stronger relationship and then somewhere down the road you guys will get remarried.i wish you the very best...
2006-12-20 02:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by roxygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your lucky she's even being this civilized. You were the one that messed up. You have to give her what she wants. You put her in this position. This her reaction to your action. Whether or not it will work? That's a different story, but it's possible. I don't know her, but I have been cheated on and went back to that person and it was a day to day process. Good luck!!!!
2006-12-20 02:51:59 · answer #9 · answered by Izzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should either move out and get divorced or stay and get counseling. What's the point of getting divorced if everything is going to stay the same?
2006-12-20 02:52:32 · answer #10 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋