1) my cousin is gay. I found out when I was at a gay bar dancing one night with friends. I'm the only one that knows and totally accept it. My family is very old fashioned but he still wants to bring his bf along. I told him xmas probably isn't the best time to come out of the closet but if he wants to, i'd be there to support him if things get rough. Should I dicourage him from comming out and just say his friend is spending xmas alone and that's why he came along? I don't want him to get hurt. I can see someone saying, "you ruined christmas."
2) my family is obsessed with education and always comes down on me for not going to university like my brothers and cousins. I plan to go to school one day but i enjoy spending my time moving around to different places, painting, and working in hotels. I just don't want to hear for the millionth time, "look at your cousin Sue....blah, blah, blah."
Any advice on either or both situations would be great guys.
2006-12-20 02:36:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
1) I agree with you. It's not the best time for your cousin to come out of the closet. That can really shock some of the family and bringing the bf along is asking for drama. I would try to persuade your cousin to wait until after the holidays to break the news. I'm sure that he wants to spend the holiday with his companion, but you don't want nasty things to be said and anyone getting thier feelings hurt. Not to mention it could really distract people from the REAL reason for the season. Support him either way, but tell him your concerns.
2) The longer you stay out of school, the harder it will be to make yourself go back. On the other hand, some people go to school for years and then never use the degree that they earned. I believe that happiness is very important and if you like the path you have chosen and you believe that it can take you where you'd like to be in the future that you shouldn't care what cousin Sue does or what anyone else thinks. If/when you settle down and have a family, you may not have the luxury of moving to new places.
I didn't go to college. I don't ask for much, and I'm not high maintenance. I am responsible and independent and I don't have to ask for people to help me out. I have a job that I'm happy with and a wonderful family. I have always chosen what makes me happy and I have no regrets. I'm right where I want to be in life. I suggest that you do the same...whatever makes you happy. I'll probably never be a millionaire, but I'll never want for anything either.
If you have to, just smile and tune out the family if the start on you about college. On the brighter side, if your cousin comes out, that may take the spotlight off of you. Ok, I know that's not funny....but really...
2006-12-20 03:07:39 · answer #1 · answered by Chrissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what tough situations, but I admire you for the way you think about them. About your cousin, I think its really cool that you are there for him and support him. If he can understand that for sure, that you don't have a problem and arent embarrassed, and knows you will be there when it does come out, I think I would suggest he ease into the situation slowly. By introducing his friend at Christmas, as someone who was spending it alone, he can allow family to form an unbiased opinion of his friend. If his family knows he is gay right off the bat and are prejudiced then they will form an opinion about the guy without even getting a chance to know him. THEN, in a week or two after the hustle of the holidays is over, introduce the new fact about the friend to the family.
Situation number 2---I can certainly understand. I have heard stuff like that all the time about my brother---and I used to always look for an answer that shut people up. Nothing ever did. SO---every time someone said something like that to me, I learned to smile, clench my teeth shut so I DIDN'T say any response back and in my head, say---"It's only one day---3 more hours". Turnabout happens though---Now my parents, family say it to my brother about me---and I hate that part too. LOL. Good luck.
2006-12-20 02:43:25 · answer #2 · answered by donnabellekc 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that your cousin wants to 'come out' but at a Christmas family celebration is not the right time. He's waited this long, making a 'statement' at a family gathering is in poor taste. Tell him to wait until after the holidays, when things are less stressful and allow your relatives to 'handle' it under calmer times.
You need to explain to your family that what you're doing IS education. I think moving (especially other countries) and doing what you enjoy is a great way to expand your horizons. But, don't get me wrong here, I agree with your family that education is extremely important, although it does not mean that you have to do it before 'living' a little. Don't give up on your formal education but take a little time to breathe. Then when you do decide to go to university you'll feel refreshed and ready to learn.
2006-12-20 02:45:22 · answer #3 · answered by i have no idea 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think xmas is a good time to "come out". It will upset people and spoil their xmas and his too. If I were him I would have a new Years party and invite everyone,that way if people were put off by it,they could leave,but i think it wouldn't be right at xmas. As far as your family talking about cousin Sue,just say "I'm happy for her,I'm looking forward to when I go to school,too. If it"s your parents,you can be more blunt and tell them how you feel and ask them to not talk about it.
2006-12-20 02:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by sandyt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about having your cousin come out of the closet just before xmas because it's a good thing that he is being honest about this but you need to give people time to absorb the information and adjust to it. just be prepared that he may get uninvited to xmas.
as to schooling - make light of it and say that the world is my classroom and experience is the best form of education -- good luck!!
2006-12-20 02:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
.
On point 1 - you should stay out of this and allow your cousin to do whatever he wants to do, it is not your place to advise him, however once he has done whatever it is he is going to do - be there for him, he may need your support.
On point 2 - just smile and say ' yes, yes' ......then go do exactly as you have planned.
Just as you wanted to help direct your cousins life, these people are trying to direct yours.
You both should be allowed to make these life decision on your own - you are the ones that have to live the consequences.
2006-12-20 02:45:39 · answer #6 · answered by Axel M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
#1...It is his life. Let him do what he wants.
#2. I agree with parents. Get the education now. putting it off will only lead to not doing it!!!
2006-12-20 02:39:12 · answer #7 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋