My husband recently lost 30+ pounds (good for him!), hasn't worn his wedding ring in months, and has been working late a lot lately. However, every time I call him on his cell, he's always at work (I can hear the body shop noise in the background), and he is a very strict in-Church-every-Sunday Catholic (they have strong rules about infidelity). We haven't had sex in 2 years...and have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for 6 years. I want a divorce, but I cannot afford to live alone with a small child. I jokingly told him I"d like a divorce for our anniversary, and he told me to go ahead and get one without sounding at all upset. I"m not sure if he's cheating or if he's just as unhappy as I am. Financially speaking, I cannot afford to leave him; I'd just like some proof on whether or not he is cheating. How do I go about find that out?
2006-12-20 02:00:06 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to ask him if he is seeing someone else, tell him that not sleeping in the same room for so long and no sex for 2 years makes you believe that he is really not committed to your marriage anymore. I suggest that you get a divorce, you are not happy and wither he is happy or not is not important, you are not and that should be enough to do something about it, since he is not doing anything to make you happy.
2006-12-20 02:17:41 · answer #1 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All the signs are there, If you want proof, you will have to either ask him in which case I'm sure the answer would be NO .. You could follow him, check out his cell phone, or hire a private investigator. If you don't love him anymore and really want a divorce, I can't see why you would care if he is cheating, except for the fault factor in a divorce.. Why he is still living at home, could be the same reason you are staying in the relationship, he doesn't want to go through a divorce and have to pay child support etc.. It would probably be nice if you 2 could sit down and talk , If you haven't had sex in 2 years and slept in separate bed's for 6 yrs .. That doesn't sound like a very stable marrage to me . Happiness, is not all about money, but it is a huge factor , but if he is cheating and depending on what state you live in, he could pay dearly, and he might know this.. Go To www.divorce- and put in the state you live in, It will give you a lot of answers..also www.cheaters.com is helpful also .. Some courts, are very strict on cheating spouses, but it's so common now day's some judge's just kind of look the other way..
2006-12-20 02:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you say you can't afford to leave him, and you haven't had sex in 2 years, what difference does it make if he's cheating or not? He's not happy, and you know that.
What have you done to save this marriage? Why haven't you lost weight, or done something else to enhance your appearance? Why have you been willing to go without sex for 2 years? Why have you slept in a separate bedroom for 6 years? In those six years, why haven't you gone back to school or gotten some job training, if you want a divorce?
If your husband decides to leave you, which he most certainly should do, how are you going to support yourself? Stop sitting back, worrying about him having an affair, and do something about your situation.
2006-12-20 03:08:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell you what, lady. Hard to believe, but some guys happen not to cheat, and I kinda feel close to the man you depict from outside. I have been in a similar situation with a wife who'd have been more than happy to nail down some kind of unfaithfulness from my side. I've also been working late, and no longer wore my ring. I didn't take the wrong turn out of respect for my children, though. It's rather been the other way around with my ex-wife's personal activities, if you can see what I mean.
Why wouldn't you give this man the respect he might deserve for a change? From here, and with what you write, looks to me he's a mighty decent fella.
Now if you really want to see your husband as cheating, I'm quite sure you can conjure up a lot of evidence all by yourself without Yahoo readers' help.
2006-12-20 02:20:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
does he find falt,
belittle
name call
act like he is boored when u talk
work alot of overtime
talk on his cell in another room
refuse to do things for u
u and he don't have the conversations u once had
seem to not value u
doesn't think your opinion is important
picks fights
is unusually kind, buying gifts,
intuition tells u there is something wrong but u can't put your finder on what is actually wrong
drastic changes, buys new clothes, is selfish with money
blames u for every problem u have
doesn't talk much anymore
makes excuses to go out to see friends, but stays gone for hours, completely the opposite of what he use to be like
anything u say he thinks is wrong, totally opposed to any idea, or ways to problem solve u may have, taking others parts, when they are clearly wrong.
acts agitated if u need anything from him, puts everyone else first and u last. u just aren't a priority in his life anymore.
yes u can leave him, child support, alimoney, there are ways to do it, also get a job if u need to, as life is way too short to compete for his love.
not wanting to make love to u, means either he doesn't find u attractive anymore, or he is getting it from someone else
2006-12-20 02:26:12 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is no longer interest in you... why can't you move on your own? A lifeless marriage will not bring any happiness coz he simply not interested to be intimacy with you further. Sorry for a bit harsh but these are facts. You need to be realistic and wake up!
Frankly speaking, he is suffering too coz he maybe waiting for an appropriate timing to file divorce. Why can't you release him and let him fly to his desire destination?
Even you had the evidences which your husband indeeds cheating behind you, what can u do to him? He will not feel remorseful neither will begging for your forgiveness. Why? Coz he has fall in love with someone else. Hence, let him go..
2006-12-20 02:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can afford to divorce him, Child support, alimony and 50% of your marital assets and a job will set you free. With that said...
It seems to me that he is cheating. No intimacy for 2 years, him taking care of his appearnce and "working late", not wearing his wedding band and nor complaining about your mentioned of getting divorced are clear signs of him having someone else.
Other signs (in addition to the top five you already mentioned):
-Making excuses to get out of the house alone
-being anxious about being with you and just want to "go back" home.
-Phone calls at odd hours of the night or weekends
-Him not answering the phone when you are with him
-Reapeated numbers on his cellphone that you don't recognize.
-Odd charges to the credit card
-Repeated "weekend" or "late night" tasks at "work".
_Buying new clothes, wearing cologne
-Being belligerant towards you for no reason
I belive is time for you to do some PI work. Follow him when he has another "late shift" and see where is he really going.
Good luck
2006-12-20 02:08:12 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why not just ask him if there is someone else.if you both are unhappy and you have asked him for a divorce and if he didnt care about the divorce then why are you so afraid about JUST ASKING HIM.You can either do that or wonder "what if" the rest of your life and possible not notice your soul mate out there (if it's not your husband) cuz you are with someone else.
2006-12-20 02:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by valerie b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah yes, the old religion beliefs. HAHAHA you know how many evil people hide in churches?? most are phony bolognies! Im not saying he's cheating but it sounds as if you 2 have grown apart. It happens. I told my wife if we ever grow apart, we won't fight, be mad and hate each other, we'll just go on with life. By you sticking in a miserable marriage, you're only hurting yourselves. Talk to him about sharing money issues if you divorce.
merry xmas
This is why I won't have children, you never know what can happen to a couple once married.
2006-12-20 02:30:50 · answer #9 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you hear noise in the background whenever you call him from work and he is a devout Catholic then I don't believe he is cheating on you. Maybe ya'll should go to counseling because it sounds like you still love him. Good Luck!
2006-12-20 02:07:49 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋