Hello,
About 5 months ago my baby's father and I separated "irreconcible differences". When we were together he would go through depression periods once in a while. We now have tried to establish a good relationship for my son's sake, so far so good. THe thing is now he's going through that depression period again, and he's told me he's really down. Plus his parents might be getting a divorce and his father is thinking of leaving to another country. So he got a lot of issues going on. I told him I can be there if he needs someone to talk to since he really doesn't have that much friends. Should I continue to do that, how far is it too much? or should i steer far from him?? maybe i am getting too involved in listening to his problems?
thanks
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2006-12-20 01:58:47 · 10 answers · asked by A_Latina 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Being there for him is good for your child. However, it is not good for your child when your involvement gets YOU down. Encourage him to talk to a professional and to get out more and meet new people, but your support will be good for him.
2006-12-20 02:03:37 · answer #1 · answered by Julia S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Am in the same situation right now but I don't let him consume my life. I have a husband I have been with for 9 years. The ex and I only talk about his current situation that I won't get in to. But for you, it's good that you are there for him even though you are divorced but don't let his depression change your life. Explain that you will be there for him but if he is only relying on you to talk to it's too much. He may be trying to manipulate you so please be careful. If you feel like you are being pulled back into the whole depression/taking care of him thing, keep the conversations with him about your son only and stop talking about his personal life. Tell him to see a therapist.
2006-12-20 10:23:10 · answer #2 · answered by Andrea D. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through a similar experience. I think you should make yourself available as a friend to him (esp. since you have a child together) to a certain extent. Meaning, don't get too swallowed in, that could be detrimental when/if you try to start a new relationship. I know you may get a kind of guilty feeling for not allowing yourself to be totally 100% there for him all the time, but trust me, if you do that, you may as well consider yourself back together if you are taking on all his problems again.
2006-12-20 10:05:54 · answer #3 · answered by cudancegirl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be there for him for as long as you can handle it.
BUT if he starts using you as a crutch for when he is starting to feel a little blue then you have a problem (Also.. whatever happens no sex.. oh man would that screw things up)
I would also try to find a male friend for him to talk to about it so that you can have your time away also.
Being there for someone is very nice of you.. but when you make it a codependant relationship where you dont want to say no because it might make him sad.. blah blah blah.. yeah know when to pull out.
Good luck with that.. this is going to be very hard to deal with. Dont let him bring you down ;)
2006-12-20 10:03:33 · answer #4 · answered by Prof. Timpo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you got divorced because of "irreconcible differences" right? While it is important for you to “get along” where your child is concerned, that is the end of your responsibility. If you want to move on in life, you’re going to have to move on. If you want to find a new man in your life, that new man isn’t going to be very accepting of you providing moral support for the ex. Ultimately the “ex’s” happiness (or whatever) is his responsibility. Not yours. You are allowing him to still use you as his crutch as he can’t/ won’t deal with his issues on his own.
Everybody's got "issues" some just can't/won't choose to deal with them
2006-12-20 10:12:46 · answer #5 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask, then you ARE getting in too far. If you really wanted to "be there" for him, you would just do it w/o even thinking. Get on with your own life, leave his problems to himself an Prozac, before he drags you down with him. There's nothing you could really do anyway.
2006-12-20 10:03:25 · answer #6 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he just needs someone to talk to then yeah be there for him. It takes a good person to be there for someone who they've broken up with. Most would kick them while they are down. Don't let him try and guilt you into getting back to gether though. If that starts then it would probably be best to get out of it then.
2006-12-20 10:24:30 · answer #7 · answered by Jesse's Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO! No matter what! You're NOT with the Ex for a reason. Their problems are a ruse to get you back. Ignore it and it will go away, and they can heal and move on with their life.
2006-12-20 10:18:08 · answer #8 · answered by PEYTON-JONES-is-better-than-u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you are getting too involved. you need a man that is sane and stable. not a nutjob that can't take care of himself or the baby
2006-12-20 10:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by wilrycar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I would be there to a certain degree. You need to continue on with your life and if he interfers with that then yes you should cut him off, but do it nicely.
2006-12-20 10:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋