There's someone who is constantly stressed out saying they have so much to do and no time to do it. I offer to help on a daily basis, and this person never takes me up on it. For example, last night I offered to go to the store if they wrote down what they needed...they declined the offer. This morning they were complaining they had to go to the store before work. I call this the "poor me" syndrome. I feel like they refuse the help because what they really want is someone to be sympathetic toward them. Or they want to do it all themself just so they can say they did it without any help, yet are constantly miserable and complaining. Do you know why someone would act like this??? Is there a psychology term for this behavior??
2006-12-20 01:43:18 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think all their happiness-fluid drained out of them. Stop offering.
2006-12-20 02:00:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK, first of all, you are a pleaser. And, my guess is that this behavior you describe bugs you because it doesn't allow you to do what you enjoy doing, which is being helpful, supportive, and, well...pleasing. So, admit this first and then re-examine what - if any - real problem exists.
Second, enroll yourself in something I call "acceptance therapy". It costs you nothing. You don't have to see a therapist. The only person you have to consult about it is you. Here's how it goes:
1) Other people do weird things that I can't relate to
2) My way is not the only way
3) I do not understand all things, nor am I able to control all things.
4) I accept...period.
There is a cool saying that has helped me: For piece of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a student of human behavior myself. I think it's facinating. But, trying to figure it out can drive you crazy and it can lead to serious conflicts brought on by being judgmental.
Just accept. Don't try to be so understanding. Sometimes people don't want to be understood, the just want to be accepted. Analyzing the situation to death is not productive.
The person you describe is probably not the least bit interested in your reacting in any way to his/her behavior, and would be surprised - if not offended - if you tried to talk about why s/he does what s/he does.
Good luck. And, relax. If you don't, you'll end up in the Home for the Terminally Annoyed. It ain't worth it.
2006-12-20 02:35:42 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I know people like this. I think these people are in a "comfort zone" of misery and stress. My cousin, for example, seems to be more comfortable when there is stress around her. And she complains constantly, but she doesn't accept help or advice. Like I said, I think she is actually comfortable with stress. But it's a very unhealthy lifestyle. I hope the person you're describing isn't your spouse or significant other because if that's the case, then you must deal with it. Otherwise, ignore the person. You can't change another person, so don't let them bring you down. I don't know what the psychological term for this behavior is, but I myself call it STUPID.
2006-12-20 02:26:32 · answer #3 · answered by danika1066 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister and motherinlaw both do this. It drives me crazy! Especially since I know I have more to do and with a 2 yr old in tow but I can still get it all done in a timely manner and without complaining about it too much. And in my opinion the psychology tem ought to be "the whiny-it's-all-about-me ***** syndrome"
2006-12-20 02:01:04 · answer #4 · answered by . 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
will you go to the store for me?This sounds like someone who just likes to complain and be stressed out not much you can do about it, just offer to help sometimes and if it is refused oh well you tried
2006-12-20 01:51:46 · answer #5 · answered by paula_5150 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some people keep everything in their head and think that no-one can help them (ie: it's harder to write everything down that they need/name brands etc... when they know exactly just by going there and looking at the label .. they may not even know the name brand but know the label) I used to be like this. I had a check-list constantly going in my head. It made me crazy too and I had no time and never took anyone up on help because of it. It always seemed so much more work to me to try to explain to someone what it was I needed specifically than to just do it myself... but then I started to let that go and not worry so much if it wasn't the exact brand I wanted or that check-list in my head kind of had to be re-arranged. You probably need to tell her that she'll be so much happier if she takes that checklist that is in her head and writes it down on paper checking things off as she goes. You'd be happy to help but she's got to calm down and try to take a few minutes to allow others to help her. If she can't do that then she will need to grumble on her own because eventually your going to stop listening or trying to help.
2006-12-20 01:57:20 · answer #6 · answered by sassinya 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
there is a psychological term for this and it's called "depression" this reaction comes from wanting to be able to do these things on their own, but feeling powerless to do so. They undoubtedly realize that your "help" really won't help in the big picture. And really do you wnt to be someones errand boy? I suggest that YOU suggest offering a ride to therapy aopointments. This could also be a chemical disorder due to a food allergy.
2006-12-20 01:57:59 · answer #7 · answered by kikumatsu 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The person bitching probably doesn't do 1/2 of what they claim to be doing--like my sister in law...she sits on her ### and her husband does everything for her and her kids do too! Poor Me and all about me syndrome... Wa Wa Wa...
2006-12-20 02:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by momof3 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like passive-agressive syndrome to me. Or your friend has an extra stubborness gene.
2006-12-20 01:46:07 · answer #9 · answered by Terrigrrl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I bet its a female, yes I have one of those friends, she was brought up emotionally abused, and was taught to never ask for help. I believe she also feels that if she receives help than she is making herself vulnerable. And that she is giving something away. Her independence is highest priority. Bob
2006-12-20 01:53:10 · answer #10 · answered by Bob B 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋