My wife is constantly on the go for things with work. She is a teacher, coaches two sports, plus is on every committe possible at the school. On top of that, she is taking grad school classes at night. She leaves around 6am and doesn't come home until about 9 pm on average. Then when she comes home, she does school work until she falls asleep. There's nothing wrong with being involved, but I feel that she doesn't make any time for "us". We've been married a year and a half now, and I'm miserable. I support what she does because I love her, but feel so lonely. It has become a struggle lately and I'm seriously considering a divorce. Am I worng to want more attention? We've talked about it over and over and things never change. I have no problem giving, but want someone that gives back!
2006-12-20 01:37:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In response to tenacious's answer...I do go to every basketball game, sometimes that's three nights per week. I also stop by her work for lunch usually about twice a week when I can schedule my lunch around hers. To be honest, sitting there in her office for 20 minutes while she grades papers and answers emails is not quality time. She gets an hour and half planning period that she could do this during, yet chooses to also do it while I'm there.
2006-12-20 02:16:51 · update #1
It might be wise for you to get out of this marriage. Either your wife wasn't ready for marriage, or she's a very selfish woman, neither of which is good for you. Tell your wife that you're not happy. If, after you have discussed this, you don't see a change in her, file for divorce and get on with your life.
2006-12-20 02:32:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that you are considering a divorce. She seems to be doing a lot, and while I am a proponent for anyone following their dreams and living a full life, I am a stickler for taking care of a committed relationship. There is no excuse for her total disregard of your feelings. Is she unhappy and careless and doesn't need you? Or is she completely clueless about her negligence? Have you expressed how you feel? If you are like me, then you don't feel you should have to tell that person that you are missing their attention, support, and touch.
I would have a talk with her and tell her that you think she is awesome for being so motivated and passionate about her extracurricular activities, but you were wondering if you and she could spend a little more doing things together. Saying it should be easy in a loving relationship; if you find yourself a little nervouse about doing so because you fear rocking the boat, then it is because there is a communication block somewhere there, either physically or mentally. Her over-involvement may also be a sign that she is trying to avoid certain elements at home. Talk NOW before it is too late.
2006-12-20 02:15:05 · answer #2 · answered by Empress Sky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not a bad thing. But it sounds like your wife does not want to be a couch potato. Do you ever go to her teams meets? To support her in person? It sounds like she wants to make something of herself and has the ambition to get there. But you are feeling left out of the loop, and she does need to consider this. Was she like this before you married? Do you work? Can you meet for lunch or dinner. I question your love if something as trivial as not seeing each other very much would make you choose not to see her at all. What if you were in the military and at war. Should she ask for a divorce because she does not see you very much? She probably is shooting for a goal and needs to do this right now. Would you rather she sit on her butt get fat and watch soaps all day? Yes she does need to think about you and try a little harder to make time for you but marriage is a give and take thing and sometimes one has to do all the giving for awhile. then later on the other will be doing the giving. Talking things over is great if you actually communicate about what is wrong. Don't point fingers with comments like you never this and you always that. That will start an argument in a heartbeat and not get anywhere. Say things like I know your career is important to you but where do I fit in right now. I love you so much and miss you so much. Is there a way we can see each other at times when your not so busy. Quality time is better than quantity time. When I worked days and my husband worked nights we left each other notes it was really quite fun and it got us through. Not everyones life is a 9-5 day and home at night. Good luck!
2006-12-20 01:55:52 · answer #3 · answered by curiosity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting more attention at all. I definitely think you're being neglected. I know you said you've talked to her about it, but does she know that you're so sad and miserable to the point that you're considering a divorce? Because that's a very big deal. If she doesn't, you need to tell her ASAP.
Has she given you any explanation as to why she's engaging in so many activities? I'm not trying to start trouble but is there something else going on with her that she doesn't want to be at home? I understand that she's busy and has her committments but marriage is also a committment that should be a high, if not the highest priority on both your lists. If she's not willing to take a time out and try to work on the marriage, that to me suggests something more is going on with her.
Perhaps you need to tell her it's so bad that you're considering divorcing her. Maybe that will be the wake up call she needs.
2006-12-20 01:45:11 · answer #4 · answered by Jenn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a super wife and you are feeling left out right now but later in life you can do more things together so be happy that you have a hard working wife let her live a little give her attention so that she will feel the need to give you some run baths rub feet she will come back to reality she's just young and i take there are no children yet give her time it's only 1 year pray about this too god is real!
2006-12-20 01:48:20 · answer #5 · answered by tanya26c 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must communicate this to her in an effective way. Otherwise, you'll end up more frustrated and she honestly might not realize that she is neglecting you. I say this because I am an adjunct professor (teaching 3 composition classes) and I'm finishing my PhD degree, which is VERY time consuming. It's very easy to fall into school work and writing and grading and dealing with student emails ... but my husband communicates with me so I know when I'm getting bogged down in work. I purposefully make time for him--quality time. And we have sex at least once every day. You really need to communicate your feelings to your wife. Tell her that you love her and want more time with her. If she's unwilling to relent, then that's a bad sign, but at least you will know. If she really does refuse to give you more time, then your best option is a divorce. It's unfair to live this way.
2006-12-20 02:36:01 · answer #6 · answered by danika1066 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy, then tell her so. There is no point to keep on dragging a miserable relationship taht is not fulfilling your emotional needs. It will not get any better with time, as a matter of fact, things tend to get progresibly worse because there will always be "something" else to take your place.
Marriage is a partnership and you cannot keep on holding things together on yoru own.
What a bout counseling or a second honeymoon? Good luck
2006-12-20 02:16:07 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. Your wife is going to have to learn the hard way. If she does not change, it is inevitiable you will find someone that gives you more attention. And then she will blame you for being disloyal to your marriage. Some wives treat their husbands as mere fixtures in their lives right along with the house, car, job, school and everything else. And then they want to blame the infidelity on everyone but themselves. A divorce in this instance may be the better alternative to having an affair.
2006-12-20 01:42:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeah you should just tell her she has to give something up. Sorry but when your married you got to give sometime to your mate. I've been married for 1 and 1/2 year and I would really hate if my husband had no time for me. Divorce is not the way out. Really try to work things out with her. You married her for a reason - you love her.
2006-12-20 01:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, this will only get worse if you don't seriously address it! i know you said you talked about it, but maybe consider talking to a counselor together. make a plan 1-2 nights a week to do an activity together. Also, talk about her activities and what's important to her, and decide together where she could tone it down a notch. You can over commit yourself, and when your personal life starts to suffer, it's not worth it! If she loves you, she'll understand your concern and be willing to work toward a solution. I cannot believe she isn't itching to be with you more! Especially in the first year of marriage.........
divorce is a last resort. try and work it out.
2006-12-20 01:41:15 · answer #10 · answered by should be working 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋