Hello, three weeks ago I cheated on my hubby. My husband is a good man who worked hard to give me anything I wanted. The one thing I hadnt been getting from him was emotional support. I was getting that from a coworker. And three weeks ago I had sex with him in the new SUV my hubby just baught for me. My hubby found out six days ago and threw me out. I discovered the man i had sex with does this sort of thig alot. I feel bad I have lost everything i.e. home cars,money and most of all my hubby. I talked to my hubby yesturday and he said he doesnt think he could ever trust me again. What do I Do?
2006-12-20 01:21:37 · 56 answers · asked by squeakyvette@verizon.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a job and get over it. Hope you learn a lesson from this. I back your husbands decision 100%.
2006-12-20 01:25:11 · answer #1 · answered by Tater 3 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Well Squeaky you have got yourself into quite a predicament. I have been there but not with such a good hubby. My advice is to give your husband some space. He is hurt. Of course he does not think he can trust you, would you trust him? I know this is a cliche but, everything happens for a reason. If you were asking for emotional support he forced you to look for it elsewhere if he did not give it. Maybe both of you need some time to get to know yourselves again. Take time by yourself. Do some soul searching. It is just quite possible that this could be a blessing in disguise. You might have unconsciously wanted out, or maybe this is just what your marriage needed for a wake up call. Time will tell. But do not go begging. Tell him you were wrong and that it was an unforgiveable act and walk away. Take care of yourself and keep your chin up! ; )
2006-12-20 01:50:59 · answer #2 · answered by Biker Babe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships can be fixed after cheating. Don't get me wrong, it's very hard but it can be done. Tell him why you did cheat on him and what you thought you were looking for in another man. If you want to try to make the relationship work, tell him. If he agrees to try again, go to counseling. You won't make it without counseling. But first, you need to convince your husband that you are very sorry for what you did and you had certain reasons for what you did (not excuses). You did do something that is almost unforgivable. You should have told him what you needed before you found it in another man. Especially a man that does this quite often. Communication is key. Hopefully he will give you a second chance. Right now he is just very angry.
2006-12-20 01:40:32 · answer #3 · answered by Andrea D. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't call or see him for three more week. Write him a letter saying how sorry you are. Send purple flowers, showing real remorse. His pride is in the way now. If a person show remorse, you can forgive anything.
Also, don't blame him for your actions. NOTHING that he could have done would excuse or permit your behavior. You can get emotional support from relatives and pure friends of both sexes. Or you could have taken him on a weekend trip and explained that you needed more from him.
But, you seem truly sorry. Convey that to him and you will succeed. Also, men need contol and power and he is showing that to you by the rejection now. His need for that will lesson over time. But, again, give him a few weeks to cool off.
2006-12-20 01:31:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him and if not, sit down and write a very honest and good letter to him. But do give him time and space. He's extremely hurt and for good reason.
But you are going to have to let him know why on earth you were tempted to even seek anything from any other man. Women are very suseptible to sex if a man is giving them what they need emotionally and this guy you were with, obviously was well aware of this and took advantage of your vulnerability.
Don't continue to beat yourself up. Do not do it again, but tell your husband how you feel about him, that what you did is no excuse and you do not want to be excused, but let him know why you felt the need to seek some type of emotional comfort elsewhere (that typically leads to sex). Also let him know how much you appreciate him, how good he is, how hard he works and how you understand if he is not able to always be there and give you total attention and perhaps the support you may need other times, but you love him and your stupidity was not a deliberate betrayal of him or a slap in the face towards him as a husband or to his masculinity, but instead to your own weakness at the time, due to leaning on someone else for emotional support, when you really needed it from him and WANTED it from him.
Obviously, he cannot be all things at once. You cannot expect that from him, he works hard and is a good man, but women sometimes need that extra emotional side and some men dont always see that. It's not deliberate on his part, but he may not understand what you want or need from him in that area and in your eyes, he may not be too great in giving it. He's probably not sure how.
Be upfront and give him time. You're only human and so is he. You betrayed him yes, I don't blame him for not wanting to trust you, as he will feel he's just a joke and you're likely to do it again, but I do hope that you can not so much excuse yourself, but try and realise why you did this in the first place and hopefully both of you can sit down together at some point (if/when he's ready) and work on your marriage in this area. It is very important that you both give and take. He is doing what he thinks is important, he's being the breadwinner and a good man. To him, this is a successful husband and he probably cannot understand what the hell he's done to deserve this. From your perspective, your craving that emotional aspect that he's just not so great in giving.
Don't push him too much, I'd say he is trying. Both of you need to be more aware of the others efforts and not expect too much from eachother. We all have faults and drawbacks, no husband will ever be perfect and if he feels he's got to be all things to you, he may feel he's a total failure if he can't live up to it.
Just do it carefully and be patient and pray!
2006-12-20 01:37:05 · answer #5 · answered by Gus 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What you do depends a lot on what you want. From the tone of your question, I'm going to assume you want your husband back.
It might be that your husband wants to get back with you, but that he just doesn't want to be played for a fool again. Keep in mind that you have publicly humiliated him after he went out of his way to do everything he could for you. Be willing to throw your pride on the alter. Make your whole life totally transperent to him. Give him your email and chat passwords, set all your chat programs to log, let him go through your mail, make it so he doesn't have to trust you, because he can see everything you do all the time, so that there isn't a minute of your life that's unaccounted for.
Ask him if there's anything you can do to start to make it up to him. Phrase it as "start to make it up to" instead of "make it up to" because there's really nothing you can do to actually make it up to him. Once he sees you're serious by doing whatever he asks, he may want you to do something else, or he may take your willingness as good enough.
And at the end, remember you can't force him to take you back. You acted rashly and now you're getting the consequences. Tell him that you realize that, and that you deserve whatever he decides to do to you.
2006-12-20 02:11:47 · answer #6 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything about this, that is what you did and you can't change the past. If you really did love your hubby then you shouldn;t have cheat on him in the first place. I know that he did not give you enough emotional support but there is always solutions to problems. You should have talk to him about this. Once you cheat on your hubby it is hard to make him trust you again. There is no point of regretting about the past and the lost you had, you have to move on with your life. If you keep on begging your husband for return, even though he wants you to return, there will still be a barrier of him trusting you.
2006-12-20 01:30:17 · answer #7 · answered by Denise T 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
the reason you cheated was pitiful.there's a time and place for everything.if your married you are married,to 1 man not 2 different men.your husband may never over look it,if he does he's a damn good guy.what would you do if he done it to you?
if your husband meant anything to you ,you wouldn't of done it.
sex is not everything in life lady,,,you take the good-bad in a marriage,,or in any relationship.
I'm sure he was very hurt.he needs time to think .if he forgives you it will be VERY,VERY hard for him to ever TRUST you again.
we all make mistakes,but we also have to pay a big price.
give him some space and he might come around.
2006-12-20 01:35:20 · answer #8 · answered by hl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only advice I can give you is to PLEASE learn from this mistake. In the future when you meet another man ( if things don't work out w/ your husband), trust the one you are w/ and be faithful. You have to accept that you may never get your husband back and if you do, you need to be faithful. You did say he didn't give you emotional support, well maybe you both aren't meant to be together. Good Luck!
2006-12-20 01:34:08 · answer #9 · answered by truebeing3030 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ah, life is so tuff, screwing a guy in your new SUV. You did what you did for all that you lack in charactor, I hope that he knows this, he was doing everthing right. And you werent happy and a guy can smell a vulnerable woman a mile away as another guy replied. His attention boosted you super low self esteem. That's why you did it. If I knew who he was I would send off for the weekend with the Dallas Cowboy cheeleaders. Now go walk the streets, since you like money and sex.
2006-12-20 01:42:08 · answer #10 · answered by Bob B 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok, I have read your story and I have a question:
You say you needed emotional support, so why not go to your husband and talk to him since he is "a good man"?
You have damaged a relationship. You have to be willing to come to him and ask for forgiveness. He is the one that has been hurt and you have to do everything in your power to earn his trust back. This is a hard situation. I wish you the best.
2006-12-20 01:49:40 · answer #11 · answered by LaReyna 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋