I have been in a lesbian relationship for almost 10 years. Half of those years has been long distance. My partner has a problem dealing with her anger. She often says I provoke her or even bring out the worse in her. Although I have been very cautious not to make her mad, she just often get easily pissed. She has been calling me bad names and cursing me. I just can't fight back and just end up crying. Then when she cools down, she apologizes and says she didn't mean what she said because she was just angry. I still can't recover from all the bad words. Most of the time I can't move on from the bad words she said to me. Call me stupid but I still keep on loving her. I can't ask anyone's help because our friends think she's cool and nice. I don't want to destroy her image and I feel no one would believe me. Our friends adore her that much and I know they would only think I'm being difficult that's why she gets angry. Please help me.
2006-12-20 01:06:15 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
dont put up with it. walk away. if she says all those things to u and it continues (even tho she apologizes) she doesnt love u as much as u love her and u need someone that can love u like u love them. walk away from this one and try to find someone more compatible w/o anger issues (preferably someone closer to u too)
2006-12-20 01:09:26 · answer #1 · answered by jenivive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. At least the verbal abuse part anyway. Some tips. When she starts to get mean walk away. Get angry and grow a backbone. Tell her she's gone to far for too long. My abuser was so bad I finally decided it was enough, when he started on a rampage one day I had a small tape recorder going. Then I left the tape and note that said "It's over, any questions? Listen to the tape" He came home the next day with three dozen roses and very touching card. I accepted them, threw them in the trash and told him he had a week to find a place before his stuff ended up on the lawn. He wouldn't move out because he didn't believe we were finsihed, I started sleeping on the couch, gave him a newspaper and told him the police would be there by the end of the week if he wasn't gone. That was eight years ago. We are friends now, he is still in love with me but accepts that he was a bad person and we don't have a chance of getting back together. But it took someone taking a stand for him to realize how horrible his actions were and how permanent they can damage something good. Until you decide to stop walking on egg shells everyday of your life you'll continue to live in your own personal prison. I regret staying with him for two years now that I'm away from it. How many years do you want to regret?
2006-12-20 09:29:14 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation, and I'm sorry you're going through this. In the end it's up to you what you want to do, but know that this isn't your fault. Any type of abuse is *never* the victims fault, no matter what your partner says. Her saying that you "trigger" her and such is an easy way for her to pass her lack of anger control onto someone else, and turn responsibility of it away for her and onto you. And you don't deserve that. She has issues that needs to be addressed by a professional, not taken out on you, her loving partner. I totally understand that you love her, and want to help her, but you really can't. Not with this.
So, here's my advice: When she's calm, talk to her. Have a heart-to-heart and explain to her that you love her immensely, but you can't take this anymore. She may not be physically beating you, but she is beating you mentally, and it's not right, you don't deserve this, and it's destroying you bit by bit. Tell her you would like to work with her on this with a couples counselor, but if doesn't do it, you might have to leave. It is all up to you, but you don't need to have this going on in your life, especially not coming from someone you love. It's destroying your self-esteem.
If anything, try going to a counselor on your own. It could help you decide what to do.
Best of luck.
2006-12-20 09:55:30 · answer #3 · answered by alimagmel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many times verbal abuse leads to domestic violence. If she won't get help, get help for yourself. A therapist will help you deal with the issues that you have. Just continuing to let her go off on you won't make the problem go away and trying not to make her mad really doesn't help the situation does it? It's a control issue with her and by putting you down and saying bad things to you helps her with her ego. Stand up for yourself and don't take the awful things she says. You are a better person then she is describing. You need to learn to love yourself!!!!!
2006-12-20 09:17:31 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea D. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you love this girl, this relationship is about two of you. You cannot always think about your partner's view. You have to stand for yourself. You are part of this relationship. Caring about her views and thinking what others will think about her is not call loving, this is more like being her best friend. I think that, you should tell her about this situation because if you are in a happy relationship with her, she shouldn't be saying all these bad things about you.
2006-12-20 09:22:47 · answer #5 · answered by Denise T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave and to hell with what everyone else thinks.
You obviously have a self esteem problem because you have put up with this long.
If someone spoke to me like that even once they'd be history - no time for apologies and no second chances.
Anyone who puts up with any type of abuse more than once needs some help.
2006-12-20 09:18:01 · answer #6 · answered by rickybobbi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi hun, im sorry for you,
it kind of seems like shes jst lookn for an aguement. what you dont want to do is add more fuel to the fire and argue bak.
You'l jst say things you'll regret.
HOw bout sayin..............."i cant talk to you @this time, im going to walk out and when i come back in we'll talk" if shes going to act like a child then treat her like one. because only lil shits play up. excuse the pun
Ok how about you both try and read 'together' Men are from Mars, Woman from Venus. I know ur lesbian, but maybe therl be something in there thatl help you both
again im sorry your soo sad
2006-12-20 10:05:38 · answer #7 · answered by rons gurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you more worried about what your friends think or your own mental health? People with short tempers will always have short tempers unless they get professional help. You should not except verbal abuse, tell her to get help or it's over. You can make new friends if your group is that shallow. It's hard to believe all your friends would turn on you, if they would they were really not your friends.
2006-12-20 09:15:08 · answer #8 · answered by Barry W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs Anger Management Therapy. Seek professional help. I'm sure she feels soooo much better after she's "gone off", and that's "just the way she is", but you are miserable. Verbal abuse is just as bad, If not worse, than physical abuse, and just as dangerous. If she refuses help....leave!
2006-12-20 09:13:12 · answer #9 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to get some counseling and deal with the root of the problem. If she is unwilling to do so. You need to take a stand and leave her. No one deserves to be treated with less than respect. And especially because the one you are involved with has issues. Tell her to love herself to get some help. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-20 09:10:24 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somehow...work up the courage to verbally abuse her back just once. Let her get a dose of her own medicine. It may do her some good to hear what name you come up for her. Good Luck with your situation. If that doesnt work, you may just have to do what's best for you and leave her.
2006-12-22 14:47:49 · answer #11 · answered by arniemail 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋