I'm going through a divorce and have 2 toddlers, ages 5 and 3, two girls. They're having a rough time with it. Also though, my ex's girlfriend told me to keep the kids as far away from their father as possible and told me she doesn't want the kids around. Now, ever since the kids have been going on the weekends to their father and his girlfriend, they've been coming home saying "mama bad, dada nice" and "I don't love mama, I love dada". What should I do?
2006-12-20 00:51:26 · 12 answers · asked by Jersey Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to your ex husband first, (I hope you two have a fair relationship) and tell them what has been going on since the girls go to his house. That you don't expect him to believe you but that for the sake of your girls you shouldn't talk bad about each other in front of them, that you haven't done that and will not do that because you know how important is him for them, but you expect him to do the same, better yet....not talk anything about her in front of them, Talk to HIM alone, don't involve the bi** sorry I mean the girlfriend, obviously she is doing the bad talking, and tell him that you would talk to your lawyer and if the things continue this way, you'll take your kids to a psychologist get them test for emotional stress (? maybe) and that you will ask for supervised visitation because she (the bit**) is causing a emotional distress on your girls. It is a very difficult situation, I hope everything goes well, good luck!
2006-12-20 01:05:10 · answer #1 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so typical with divorced parents and new relationships. Your children are doing what is being told to them. Talk to your ex and tell him that this is not acceptable. Unfortunately besides going in front of a judge you can't stop it. Always talk to the girls and tell them that daddy and daddy's new girlfriend are saying bad things about you that isn't true. Do not talk badly about their father in front of them or to them. This will make the situation worse. They are young now but they will catch on. Therapy is always a good way to go but your kids are young. I am all for the 5 year old getting therapy but your 3 year old, am not sure. Many people are taking their toddlers to a therapist though so it may not be a bad idea. The therapist will tell you if she is too young to understand. GOOD LUCK dear!
2006-12-20 09:28:05 · answer #2 · answered by Andrea D. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get court ordered therapy to start petitioning the court to cancel visitations. And start recording what they are saying when they return. He could be setting you up to take the kids. And turning them against you is a good start. They will soon start acting out when they return home. I'm sure he is giving them plenty of junk and anything else they want. So now you will have to give all the discipline.
Explain to them dad is upset and is behaving like a child right now. But he will grow up and act like a dad.
I have never understood this type of behavior with parents. It is cruel and unfair to the child.
2006-12-20 09:00:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kids will do this. And they do the opposite when they go to his house. It's the only way they know of to try to get everyone back together again. My son was 3 & he would come home & tell me he don't like me anymore, then he went to my ex's & tell him that he don't like him. Kids are scared. Their whole foundation is crumbling. Just let them know how much you both still love them. It may pass. It's been 2 years & I believe my son will have attachment issues because he is still acting out. I hope it gets easier for everyone.
2006-12-20 08:55:03 · answer #4 · answered by IMHO 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Give the kids as much of your own love as possible. Hug them. Take them out for walks and what not... just spend close time with them. They don't need an evaluation unless they're exhibiting extremely odd behaviour.
I'm odd and was psychologically evaluated when I was 8 years old... turned out I was just hyper and smarter than the rest of the kids, LOL
2006-12-20 11:15:59 · answer #5 · answered by jons_plan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the girlfriend is jealous and kind of stupid- is your husband helping with that? If you haven't already- make him aware of what they are saying, then explain the consequences- thats abuse as far as I'm concerned and if he is he'll stop it or put a stop to it. If he's not concerned with the kids then don't put him in a box he's not goiung to fit in-slow the visits and wait till they are older.
2006-12-20 08:56:05 · answer #6 · answered by ARTmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let your ex know what's happening. Tell him you want the kids to see only him, and not her. It's not good for the kids. He'll understand.
2006-12-20 08:54:27 · answer #7 · answered by babbles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is something that you need to bring up with him... him and his girlfriend are putting this in their heads, and frankly its just not right. they are playing mind games with the kids to get to you, and have them turn on you. i would suggest talking to your lawyer, and having your lawyer bringing it up to the judge. and having the judge telling him to stop. when the judge tells him to stop, if he continues he will have consequences to pay..
good luck, and dont be mad at those girls, they really dont know any better.
2006-12-20 08:56:45 · answer #8 · answered by BigMaMa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd confront that ex and he would wish like hell he never pissed me off. Then that g/f of his would be next to feel my wrath. I'd tell that ex when it comes to my kids I don't even deal with **** like this and him and his g/f can kiss my ***.
2006-12-20 09:13:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
record what they are saying on a mp3 voice recorder then put it to social services who deals whith this thing. either way hell have to pay support i think is new g/f is trying to stuff him right up. gl MC
2006-12-20 09:03:18 · answer #10 · answered by luckydo6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋