I hired a p.i. to follow my wife and the first night out he caught them in the act. She told me it was because I didnt giver her enough emotional support. This isnt a green light to cheat on me. I know where her lover lives. Im mad as hell and want to hurt him. I know its both there fault but i cant help wanting to go over to his house and hurt him. Please help.
2006-12-20 00:40:22 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't be a fool. It's not entirely his fault. Rather, your wife needs to be blamed more for it. If you can forgive, forget and trust your wife in future, try to sort out matter otherwise look for separation. There's no point in dragging a dead relationship.
Forget about the guy. If your wife is cheater type, she will look for someone else if her current lover goes. How long you thing, you can spy on her. No relation is worth living with if there is no trust.
So, decide with cool and firm mind. List down the points, why you want to leave her and why you want to stick to her. Then compare them, whichever weigh heavier take action accordingly.
All the best. I really pity people, who are somehow force to continue with cheaters.
2006-12-24 00:24:58 · answer #1 · answered by praveen_silicon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question you need to ask is, are you giving her enough emotional support? Sit down with her, and maybe a third party...a friend or counselor, let her tell you what it is she feels is lacking in your relationship.
Going to the guy's house wouldn't amount to much more than a restraining order, or jail time, or a law suit...you don't need that on top of the emotional stress you have now.
To put the p.i. on her activities proves you already knew your relationship was not right. You should have talked to her first. That might have saved you a little money.
Either you accept the fact that she will not continue to have her affair, or find a way to get out of the marriage. Hurting the guy will only hurt you in the end.
If you don't want to pay her alimony, go to a lawyer and give him the report. Find out if its enough to sue for divorce and be done with her.
Get over it, or get out while the time is right.
2006-12-20 01:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by TexasStar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, if I were you, I'll leave it alone and see what your wife is going to do about it. Seriously, if you go and hurt that guy, you won't get anything at all and maybe the situation is going to get worse. I'm not suggesting that you should be quiet about this situation but I think you should have a serious talk with her. If she keeps on going out with this person and if you don't want to divorce. Then maybe you can just try to seperate for a period of time, just for both of you to calm down and try to find a solution or find someone who is professional to talk about this problem. But truely, you should follow what you think its the best for you two and yourself. In the end, it is your life.
2006-12-20 01:03:43 · answer #3 · answered by Denise T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what to tell you to do... I don't know what I would. Hurting someone would definetly be what I would want to do... but sometimes just walking out does more damage. Personally I would pack my bags and leave without a word. I can't live with someone who has cheated on me... Not because I love her too much to be able to take it anymore, or because I am heart broken... But because sometimes when lines are crossed, the past cannot be undone.
A person commits a murder... conesquence= life in prison or the death penalty. The murderer regrets, and cries, and pleas... but that won't change what he did in the eyes of the law and his sentence must be carried out. Imagine that the man was drunk and claimed "hey I WAS DRUNK! I DIDNT KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING!"... if the murderer really was drunk, does it change anything? What I'm trying to say is that certain things take place and regardless of intention, situation, mental awareness, sobriety, etc... the consequences are not lessened or should not be lessened.
She has to pay the price... unless of course you see yourself as a kind person who lets other people's mistake go unchecked at the expense of your feelings and dignity. Decide what kind of person you are and based on that, do try to find the choice that best resolves the whole ordeal for you, not for the other person. In the end, its your head on the pillow at night and your thoughts inside it... Do what will best comfort that voice that will be with you forever...
As for the other man... I recommend you don't even go see what he looks like... What's done is done... We humans have this curious nature innate in all of us... but be wiser than to fall victim to it... Don't make things worse for yourself... She already knows who that man she cheated on with was, and he knows her... There is no reason for you to know who he is at all... At least.. not if you were to pack up and leave... If you decide to stay... I can totally understand that seeing that man will somehow bring you comfort, especially if you greet him with a punch. But as I said earlier, the more dignifying thing you can do... is pack up and leave.
2006-12-20 00:54:49 · answer #4 · answered by kmanevil 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you love your wife but there is one thing I don't understand. If your wife wanted more emotional support why didn't you give it to her? Why hire a PI? It is like you was setting her up for a fall, wanting her to mess up. You should be mad at yourself. You wasn't giving her what she needed, so she went looking for it. This should be a lesson for all men. If you want your wife for yourself you should show her. Don't just think because you said I Do means that you can forget about her. Wives are like cars, you have to keep putting gas(love and support) in them to keep them going, otherwise another own will claim them. I'm sorry this happened to you, but maybe you will learn for it.
2006-12-20 00:53:31 · answer #5 · answered by Bekka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the lover and concentrate on your own marriage. Go seek an attorney for what would happen if you were to divorce. Then go from there...She may or may not cheat again, but ...who knows for sure. If you're young without any kids, get a divorce while you can find someone who appreciates you more.
2006-12-20 00:51:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is it his fault? He didn't know she was married, and if he did, you don't know what mess she said about you.
Besides, focus on your marriage at this point. Your wife should have told you about the emotional support thing before she spread her legs---she's just giving you an excuse for what she did anyway. You two have to decide if you want to save this marriage or head for divorce court.
Best of luck
2006-12-20 00:46:00 · answer #7 · answered by tbonz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your rite to whip his *** so go ahead, and kick your wife out to live with him. I am a women who loves my husband there isn't a man alive that could make cheat on him. And think about this you will never be able to trust again and that will drive you nut and IS this the first time. Kick his *** and go to jail and pay the fine,this is what we do in the south.
2006-12-20 00:52:59 · answer #8 · answered by livlafluv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read this ebook too. Recall the part in regards to the husband not being capable to participate in sexually so the spouse had no choice. She found success in the next door neighbor who simply occurred to be the husband's great buddy. He bad mouth his spouse but he killed the neighbor unbeknown to the regional. Read the end again, it is the husband who's begging for divorce for the reason that he knows he's valued at extra dead than he is alive. So there! Smooches.
2016-08-10 02:21:20 · answer #9 · answered by pihl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than likely this probably isnt the first time or first guy she's cheated with. It'd be best to let it go, unless you want to spend the rest of your life fighting for someone who doesnt respect you.
Leave her alone..there are millions upon millions of available women out there. good luck
2006-12-20 00:54:02 · answer #10 · answered by INFINITE CONSCIOUSNESS 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋